Chapter 25: Alien Rapture

Chapter 25:  Alien Rapture

After the holidays were over, it was back to normal life in Arkansas.  I spent my time studying for my online classes and working at my part-time job.  After the self-love spell with Reagan, I had decided to get proactive and join a local gym for health and wellness.  I was determined to firm up my flab, and get back to my svelte figure.  I noticed right away that exercise was very effective in managing the anger I had towards my mother, so most of my nights were spent at the gym on the treadmill and elliptical machines.  I had also started jogging around the neighborhood, and I was starting to feel positive about my figure again.  By the month of March, I had dropped 10 pounds and I was beginning to really see some results from all my efforts.  I began to become more social, wanting to hit the town more in efforts to find romance.

Around this time, one of my single guy friends, Todd, called and invited me to take a trip with him.  He had heard about an UFO Conference that was being hosted in a hotel near my town, and wanted to take me along with him for company.  I was excited at the time, even though I wasn’t a big alien believer per se.  My friend wasn’t either, but he had always wanted to go to an UFO convention.  At the very least, it would be a fun and wacky story to tell to everyone.  The UFO conference was being held in the same town where Reagan and I had gone camping back in the fall.  This town of Eureka Springs was known for its alternative spirituality, and it had a lot of spiritual communities who lived there.  The conference started on a Friday and went all the way through Sunday.

I arrived at the motel early that Friday evening, and Todd and I decided to grab dinner and some beers before heading to the UFO Conference for the final events of the day.  Since we had driven separately, Todd had been at the conference starting at 9am and so he proceeded to catch me up to speed on all that I had missed.  He told me that it had mostly been speakers discussing their individual research, and it hadn’t been especially dynamic thus far.  However, Todd was most excited about one speaker in particular, a woman named Dolores Cannon.  Dolores was set to speak sometime on Sunday afternoon, and Todd was eagerly awaiting this event.  Dolores Cannon is currently deceased, but at the time she was considered the ‘pioneering grandmother of hypnotherapy,’ and not just any hypnotherapy.  Dolores practiced a type of past life regression that involved connecting to what she called The Source–ascended beings, otherwise known as aliens or higher life forms.  This was a big ‘get’, having Dolores Cannon on the speaker list.  I had actually heard of this woman before because my chiropractor ardently admired Dolores’s work.  As Todd and I arrived to the event center where the UFO Conference was being held, I remember feeling excited and nervous all at the same time.  I hadn’t really considered what I thought about higher life forms, and I was curious about what it all meant.

Friday night’s agenda featured a video screening and a panel discussion which lasted a few hours.  It was a short light-hearted film designed to grab our attention, and end the day on an entertaining note.   After the film was finished, we filed outside to the hallway and noticed there was a food and beverage kiosk that begun to serve coffee and wine.  Todd and I grabbed a glass of wine during an intermission, and we mingled with some of the other guests at the conference.  There were all sorts of people there, from all walks of life.  I enjoyed myself, and it was an interesting way to end the week.  After the video and discussion, Todd and I were pretty tired so we headed back to our motel.  The conference was set to start at 9am the next morning, so we decided to call it an early night.

Saturday morning came early, and Todd and I found ourselves rushing around trying to make it to the conference on time.  We grabbed some coffee from the motel front desk, and decided to just have protein bars for our breakfast.   We made it to the event center just at the speakers were starting, and we quickly settled into our seats.  Saturday’s events turned out to be what any novice would expect, a toe dipping introduction into extra-terrestrial theories and accounts.  It was fun, a bit like an episode of The X-Files.  I found myself getting sucked into the world of all things ET related.  After an educational morning, Todd and I were famished so we decided to grab lunch at a nearby Mexican restaurant.  We discussed all that we had learned, and while I was excitedly talking about the information from the morning panel, I was surprised to discover that Todd was more of an UFO skeptic than I was.  While he was very interested in the alien phenomenon, he also confessed that he couldn’t say for sure if he actually believed any of it.  Todd’s assertion was that he ‘wanted to believe’, and that’s what drove him to attend the conference.  However, for me the conference was very eye opening, and I realized that I did truly believe, and I now had a new and growing interest in what was affectionately called UF-ology (the study of all things UFO related).

The final day of the conference was Sunday, and after a full day of lectures the day before I was pretty fatigued.  I was determined, however, to persevere to the end of the programming in order to hear the speaker that Todd was constantly talking about—the infamous Dolores Cannon.  Even with my resoluteness, I found that I simply could not sit and listen for another eight hours of lectures that day, so I decided to explore the many informational booths and vendors that were displayed in the lobby and also in the lower level of the event center.  As I walked around and surveyed all the kiosks and alien literature, I was delighted to find a booth that sold bohemian style jewelry.  I decided to buy a pretty sterling silver ring made from the stone malachite.  Pleased with my purchase, I then decided to head back upstairs to check on Todd.  I went back to our seats in the conference room and sat down again.  Todd began to update me that Dolores Cannon was supposed to speak any minute.  Feeling very impatient, I began to wonder if it was truly worth my time to stay and hear what this woman had to say.  How important could it be, I wondered to myself.  After a few minutes of deliberating, I decided I didn’t care if I heard Dolores speak or not, and that I wanted to go home.  It had been a fun weekend, but it was 2pm on a Sunday and I had to work that next morning so I needed to start the drive home.  I said goodbye to Todd, and exited the conference room.

However, just as I walked out of the room I stopped suddenly as a particular sign caught my eye.  The sign had a picture of the planet on it, and it said ‘New Earth’.  Although I wasn’t sure what this sign meant, I remembered learning a little about the book of Revelation in the Bible, and I knew that part of the second coming of Jesus involved a new heaven and a new earth.  This was the tribulation story, the Rapture event.  Without trying to sound dramatic, I felt very drawn to this sign.  I knew I had to either buy this book or figure out what this theory wasI didn’t quite understand it then, but Jesus was trying to get my attention that day. 

I was all set to begin the drive home..but I simply could not leave without figuring out what the ‘New Earth’ theory was.  So, I walked downstairs again to the vender room in the lower level, and I scanned all the tables for any sign of a book about a New Earth.  Frustrated that I couldn’t find anything about it, I went back upstairs to the main conference room to rejoin my friend for just a moment.  I wanted to quickly ask him if he knew anything about this new earth theory before I headed back home.  However, when I opened the door to the main conference room, I saw that Dolores Cannon was on the stage!  Well, I took this as a sign, and decided to stay for her lecture.  My first impression of her was that she seemed particularly cranky that day.  I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but I guess I thought she would be a sweet old lady.  She was very professional, but she snapped at a couple audience members and seemed to belittle their questions in my opinion.  So, I wasn’t hugely impressed.  For the second time, I had decided that I was about ready to leave…but then low and behold Dolores started talking about the New Earth.  Okay, I had to stay and hear this….

She began to talk about vibrations…and to understand what that means,  let me first give you some back-story as to her work as a hypnotherapist.

In her books, she shares detailed accounts of her past life regression work upon individuals who, while under hypnosis, have confessed that their past lives were not on planet earth.  As her clients undergo hypnosis, they begin to recount their past lives.  It is at this point where another voice begins speaking, and communicates with Dolores.  Dolores then begins asking the new voice questions, and the voice claims to be a higher life form from another planet.  So Dolores interviews the higher beings while the person is under hypnosis.  Her books are accounts of what the beings tell her.  Well, now here’s where my details are fuzzy because I attended this conference many years ago.  If I remember correctly, Dolores was told by a higher being that there would be a huge cosmic shift very soon.  Human kind would be forever changed.  Essentially, a new earth would be created from the old earth..much like another dimension.  The old earth would still exist, but those who vibrated at a high enough frequency and focused on positive emotions and thoughts (happiness, bliss, love) would be transported to the new earth.  Those who insisted on dwelling in pain and negativity (low vibrations), would stay behind in the old earth.  The role extraterrestrials were to play in this would be to usher the higher vibrational humans to the new dimension.  We were to watch for the alien encounters. 

I think that’s the gist of her message that day.  Well, at the time this really piqued my interest.  My friend wasn’t as impressed as I was, and I think he had a bit more skepticism about the whole theory.  However, I was fascinated!  This sounded very similar to the Christian idea of the Rapture, and I felt drawn to knowing more about end times prophecies.

After arriving back home, I became obsessed with the idea that perhaps I had come from another planet originally, as Dolores had spoken about.  The UFO Conference had sparked a whole new part of my spiritual path, and I began to research this idea.  I read some pdf excerpts of Dolores’s books, and my chiropractor loaned me one of hers as well.  I loved the idea that I was descended from another planet, that I was what the new age called a ‘Star Person’.  This would explain why I had special gifts and felt out of place in the world.  The new age talks a lot about Indigo Children as well, children with special gifts who are supposed to raise the vibration of humanity upwards.  There are many theories about this.  I read one of Delores’s  theories about what is called ‘Walk-Ins’, and the idea is that the higher beings, sometimes for lack of a better term, ‘commandeer’ a human body who can no longer deal with the pain from their traumatic childhoods.  This really scared me, but I was still curious and wanted to know more.  I thought it sounded a bit like demonic possession though, and I would later find out that’s exactly what it was.

Dolores received channeled information about aliens, and informed her readers that some aliens were angelic, and some were not.  She instructed us that aliens were not here to harm us, and some alien races were actually here to help and protect humanity.  However, some of the stories I had heard through the years about alien abductions and even alien visitations sounded terrifying to be perfectly honest, but Dolores’s clients said it was all part of the human evolution.  Some souls had signed up for a traumatic life to learn certain lessons for their soul’s evolution, and they needed painful events to learn.

Reading this, I was reminded me of a story my friend Angie once told me about her travels to South America.  While visiting there, something strange happened to her.  Angie said that she was visiting a church one Sunday, when she suddenly felt taken over by some spiritual force that she referred to as a higher life force.  Angie had been brought up in church, but had drifted away into the new age teachings.  She believed that Jesus was an ascended being, much like the aliens were.  While she was telling me the story, she recounted that at the church in South America she felt unable to control what she was doing and saying.  She remembered speaking to the congregation with great zeal about the subject of Love.  She told them that Jesus was Love, and that’s all they needed to know–that Love was the path to heaven.  When Angie first told me this story, I assumed the Holy Spirit had given her words to speak.

At that time in the new age, I too was deceived about the difference between the Holy Spirit washing over someone and the false idea of a ‘higher being’ ‘commandeering’ a human body.  They sounded very similar.  I too came to the false conclusion that perhaps these higher beings were really angels after all.  I believed as Angie did, that all one needed to do was to love others and they would go to heaven. So, following that line of thinking, it is then seen as very unloving to talk about sin or repentance. 

I didn’t understand that while it’s true that Jesus is Agape Love, He is also Holy and Righteous.  We have to repent of our sins and go and sin no more if we want to be disciples.  The new age takes one piece of truth and twists it.  This is what is so deceptive. 

Craving to know more about higher beings and the New Earth Theory, I began to fall down a rabbit hole of theories about a topic called ‘Ascension’The new age community called it ‘Ascension 2020’, and it was the same as the New Earth Theory that Delores had talked about.  Researching the topic of ‘ascension’ led me to another new age author named Ruth Montgomery.  Ruth had stated something similar to the new earth theory, and she had also channeled this information from another spirit or higher-being life form.  The ‘being’ told Ruth that there would be a Second Coming much like in the Bible.  The being (and I’m paraphrasing here because I threw the book away after I was saved) said something to the effect of those who vibrate at a higher frequency will be whisked away at the blink of an eye to another planet/dimension.  The others will remain behind.  The detail that grabbed me was that the being also mentioned the existence of the antichrist, and that he is alive today and being groomed for his rise to power.  The being said that the second coming would be much like the Christian view of the event, but it left out the role of Jesus as savior.  Instead of people believing in Jesus to be saved and taken to heaven, a person need only to vibrate at a higher frequency.

Well, all this information really rattled me.  To learn that the metaphysical and new-age end game is the same apocalyptic event as the Bible….EXCEPT these ‘beings’ were going out of their way to remove the figure of Jesus Christ from the whole story.  This really raised my spidey senses.   The resurrection of Jesus has been factually proven in historical text, so to leave him out of the narrative entirely was really weird.  Some other channellers will say that Jesus Christ is the son of God….but that we humans are ALL sons of God.  It’s a very subtle twist to put humans on the same level and power as God.  It diminishes God’s role and elevates man’s role.  That’s the belief of ‘Inner Divinity’ that many new-agers have.

All this new information was mind blowing to me, and it got me frantically researching to find any other theories about the new earth phenomenon.  It was then that I discovered another new age woman talking about this topic, a woman named Esther Hicks from Abraham Hicks-Law of Attraction.  Esther Hicks was a channeller who also claimed a higher spiritual being was speaking to her and through her, and that this being informed her that Jesus was on the same level of all humans.  Esther channeled information that diminishes the role of Jesus to that of ‘just another son of God’ like we all are also sons of God.  The being asserts that we are equals to God because of our inner divine nature.   It’s very subtle, and relegates Jesus Christ to just another ascended master, another extraterrestrial who we need to vibrate high enough to become like him.

So, after learning all this I felt God was wanting me to really open my eyes, but I couldn’t decide yet what to believe.  I remember feeling that I was somehow very close to figuring out something huge about the universe, but I couldn’t quite say what it was at that time.

The Lord would show me much later that these higher beings were nothing more than demons masquerading as angels of light, just the way they pretended to be spirit guides and goddesses, fairies, etc.  Satan is the master of deception, and he can imitate anything…even perform healings to ensnare us to following the false light.  Through all this deception, I began to panic and look for another healer.  I was deceived into thinking another person could heal me spiritually back then because I still hadn’t cried out to Jesus for help. 

I also began to wonder if I should try and find someone who would do what Dolores Cannon does for her clients, a special past life regression technique called Quantum Healing Hypnosis.  This would help me discover if I had any past lives on another planet, and also many patients received physical healings from the higher beings that spoke through them during the sessions.  Naturally, I was very curious about this.  The questions began to plague my mind: Had I been born on another planet? Was I a Starseed? That really would explain a lot about me I guess.

These questions drove me to look online, and I happily discovered that there were several practitioners located near me, but the sessions were very expensive.  After thinking about this for a few weeks, I actually decided not to purchase a session.  Something in me was very nervous about this, so I opted not to go through with it.  However, I still had a nagging feeling that my subconscious held some vital information about my past—something I had blocked out but needed to know.  So, I decided to visit my chiropractor and ask her about all this.

She had been studying Dolores Cannon for years, and had actually learned a similar technique that put the client into a hypnotic state to discover if any trauma was trapped inside the body’s muscle tissue.  The idea was that a person’s mind can block out early childhood trauma, but that the memory is stored on a cellular level in the person’s tissues.  I was very intrigued with this, and felt it could at least tell me if I had undergone any trauma that I had somehow blocked out or repressed.  I decided to schedule the session for a few months from then, during the summer.  My chiropractor didn’t charge quite as much as Dolores Cannon because she was doing simple hypnosis, not quantum healing hypnosis.  Pleased that I was actively searching for self-improvement through a new technique, I looked forward to when I could have this ‘healing’ session done.

I would soon be shown that these healings were nothing more than bondage from Satan.  They seemed to have all the answers, but were a trap to ensnare me into more darkness. 

Chapter 23: Psychic Deception

Chapter 23:  Psychic Deception

For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”– Matthew 16:25

Arriving in Arkansas was a melancholy experience.  I wanted so badly to be excited about this move like I had been about all the other moves in my past, but deep down I felt this time was different.  I couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but I just felt like I was play acting again.  I didn’t feel any real joy, just the need to have personal power.  Somehow this was all I cared about, the need to feel powerful and in control of my life.  If I could feel empowered and love myself, maybe then I could finally find my soul-mate.  Maybe Arkansas was where I would meet my husband, and my real life could finally begin.  I hadn’t thought about the soul-mate vision in several years, but it was the underlying driving force behind everything I did in life.  Finding true love was tantamount to breathing, so without my sacred quest for love my existence was all but pointless in my mind.  I had all but forgotten about Tommy as well, but I would soon discover that he and I had one last dance together before the final lesson God would show me.  

Setting into my new life in Arkansas was a bumpy transition, and I did my best not to focus on the fact that I was living with my mom again in my late 30s.  Instead, I tried to focus my attention towards landing a job and my own place to live.  I had started my online graduate classes from the University of Arkansas, and I was using the federal loan money to cover my expenses until I found work.  I wanted so badly to upgrade my life, even though I wasn’t really sure what I meant by that at the time.  I just had this deep need to find more meaning, something more.  I wanted to be successful, to feel better about myself.  That was indeed the plan, yet despite my best efforts I started to have a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach about everything.  I couldn’t help but feeling that all my hard work was a fruitless endeavor, and that despite my best laid plans, I would not succeed in Arkansas.  I didn’t understand why I would feel this way though.  After all, I was doing everything I could to be productive.  Surely, hard work would be enough to make my dreams come true. At least, that’s what I’d been taught all my life.

However, no matter what I did the fear of failure began to grow inside of me, and it grew stronger with every passing month that I could not find work.  I sent out dozens of job applications, but every effort I made came back void.  I couldn’t understand it at the time because I was doing everything I could to try and upgrade my life.  I finally got desperate enough to call a psychic again, even though I didn’t have a lot of money to be spending I rationalized that I had to have some glimmer of hope that things would get better.  I had no clue where to find this elusive hope, so I decided to buy it from someone who promised to see my future.   Had I known that Jesus is the only hope I needed, and that nobody can see my future but the Lord..well..I would have saved my money.  However, back then I was desperate for a life raft and vulnerable to the lies of the enemy. 

When I called the psychic, I was told that a lot of my stress and inability to manifest success was due to the fact that I was living with my mom.  The psychic informed me that the problem was that my mom’s depression and negativity was effectively ‘rubbing off’ on my energy.  The psychic advised me that in order to change my life, I would need to protect my energy from my mother’s influence. 

Looking back, this psychic told me a partial truth: that we do need to be careful about the people who have influence over our lives.  However, feeling that we can’t associate with people who are in pain and thus experiencing ‘low vibrational’ emotions, is just a selfish and hard-hearted doctrine.  However, since I was more concerned with self-care and self-love than I was showing love to anyone else, the advice from the psychic gave me an excuse to shield myself from anyone who wasn’t ‘fun’ or high vibrational (high vibe).  Since my mother was depressed and struggling, I saw her attitude and sadness as a plague, a heaviness that would infect me if I wasn’t careful.

I felt that it was all my mom’s fault that I could never seem to be happy, that she was the obstacle preventing me from my destiny.  This was when the already existing seed of anger began to grow in my heart towards my mom.  I began to believe that she was the only thing standing in my way of being truly happy and fulfilled, that she was always the albatross around my neck preventing me from having a good life.  It was all my mother’s fault, everything.  It was all so clear.  I had to protect myself from her.  The lies of satan had begun to bear fruit in my heart, and the hatred began to grow even faster. 

Of course, at the time I didn’t question the source of the psychic’s insights.  I thought God gave this woman natural gifts, so I never suspected she might be getting lied to by demons masquerading as angelic spirit guides. 

After calling the psychic, I decided I would have to take matters into my own hands in order to raise the vibration of the house.  If my mom insisted on dwelling in negativity and alarmist thinking, I would have to cleanse the house.  I set out to sage the house and chant positive affirmations to rededicate the living space to love and light.  This was not going to be a house of negative vibrations.  After the sage cleansing, I decided I also needed to do a manifestation spell for prosperityThis would allow me to send my positive thoughts out into the universe and manifest a good job.  So, I wrote down my intention on a piece of paper, and waited until midnight to do the spell.  Satisfied that I had done all I could to improve my situation, I relaxed a bit and waited for good things to happen.  However, months went by and still no job.  All my friends back home were starting to worry about me, and they started warning me that being around my mother was very bad for me.  I didn’t know that satan can literally use people like puppets to speak lies through them.  The enemy has the power to manipulate those not fully surrendered to the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Due to all this, I began to feel disgusted at my life, disgusted by the fact that I had felt sorry enough for my mother to move out to the middle of nowhere to help her.  Why was I always making horrible decisions?!  Why couldn’t I just have a normal, successful life? I berated myself constantly with these questions.  I had dreams of a happy life, but it seemed that no matter what I did..I always ended up at my mom’s house.  My frustration for her began to grow, and I started to notice that I had zero patience for anything she said or did.  I began to see her as the number one enemy to my happiness.  I began to wish she would die so that I would finally be free from this oppression, this family curse.  I felt paranoid that perhaps she didn’t really want me to ever be happy or to ever find true love.  Maybe she wanted to keep me sad and single with her, so she wouldn’t have to be alone.  As each day went by that I could not find work, the angry thoughts began to fester and grow stronger.  I desperately wanted to be free from these angry thoughts, but they seemed to wash over me without any warning… and they were much stronger than me. 

I didn’t recognize these thoughts as spiritual attacks in the beginning, but I was soon about to realize that’s exactly what they were.

Months went by with these angry feelings, and soon fall-time arrived.  At this point, I had started to feel overwhelmed by all the mood swings I was experiencing, and in efforts to combat this I had begun taking walks outdoors in nature.  These walks were the only thing that seemed to calm me down.  Being outside had a relaxing effect on me, and so I thought nature had the power to heal me.  So, one afternoon when I was driving back from the grocery store, I got an idea.  For several weeks, I had been noticing a small scenic pond on my drive home from the nearby grocery store.  The pond was lovely, and it was located just off the side of the road.  It even had a quaint wooden dock leading up to the water’s edge, so that visitors could stand and enjoy the view.   After passively noticing this pond for weeks, I finally decided to be spontaneous and take a closer look.

As I pulled off the road and walked up to the water, I felt a wave of peace come over me and I suddenly had the idea to throw a penny in the water and make a wish.  I hadn’t done anything like this since I was a teenager, so it felt fun and lighthearted.  After finding a penny in my car, I stood there surrounded by nature thinking of all the deepest wishes of my heart. Then, much to my surprise strange words came out of my mouth.

“God, I went wrong somewhere.  Please, make me into the woman YOU want me to be.  I’m done making all the decisions.”

I was stunned that I had just prayed an honest prayer for the first time in close to a decade.  It wasn’t a spell-prayer hybrid, and it wasn’t a positive affirmation-prayer.  It was an honest to goodness actual plea for God to intervene in my wretched life.  I wasn’t asking for physical things or even a soul-mate, I was pleading God with all my heart to change me.  I had finally come to the end of my way of doing things, and I surrendered myself for God to begin a new work in my life.  I had no clue what I was asking for at that time, no clue!  I was completely ignorant as to what I was really asking God to do.

You see, in order for God to make me into the woman that He wanted for me to be…well that would entail burning my old life away, scorching my old self to make room for God to rebuild me from the ashes.  I was about to embark upon the most painful years of my entire life, and looking back I am grateful that I didn’t have a clue.  God was about to make some serious changes in me, and get rid of all the things that were causing spiritual death in my life. 

Chapter 14: Tarot Woman Business

Chapter 14:  Tarot Woman Business

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”   

                —2 Corinthians 11:14

Arriving back home, I noticed that I didn’t feel embarrassed to stay with my mom this time around.

Instead, I felt a divine sense of purpose after my past-life epiphany.  With newfound wisdom, I set out to secure another nanny job and get my life going again.  The plan was to find a roommate, and move out as soon as possible.  In the meanwhile, I decided to revel in my burgeoning spiritual awakening.  I felt like my same old self, but a new and improved version.  The past life regression had unlocked something inside my mind, and it was as if I was a changed woman.  The dark memories from my childhood and the family chaos didn’t seem to affect me this time around.  I was freed from that burden, or so I thought.  I felt a sense of blissful worldliness, as if I had experienced what few do in this lifetime—an enlightened view of my spiritual self.  Maybe this was what the ‘higher self’ was all about, I thought. 

During this time, I had been talking to Fawn on the phone a lot, and I regarded her as one of the few people who understood the true nature of the universe.  We were on a path together to discover the mystical nature of our reality, and we both felt that were truly ‘awoken’.

It wasn’t long until I was ready to begin reading the tarot cards for actual paying clients.  I had been practicing on my friends and family since arriving back home, and everyone was impressed with the accuracy of my readings.  I felt this new power gave me a sense of confidence I had never experienced before.  Riding this wave, I decided to build my own business website.  I didn’t know anything about that kind of thing, and my wrists couldn’t handle a lot of typing, what with my carpel tunnel, but I felt sure I needed to take this step of faith.  My mom agreed to help me, and with both of us working together the website was successfully built.  It wasn’t anything fancy, but it allowed me to create a Myspace page for my new business.  I linked the website to my Myspace page, and then friended a lot of people and businesses.  I named my business ‘Tarot Woman Intuitive Readings’, and I had found a beautiful logo of a woman in a red toga dress, sitting at the edge of a pond.  The woman was holding a lotus flower, and she seemed so wise.  I wanted to be just like the woman in this image.  I also decided to create my first gmail account, and I realized I needed a name for it too.  I decided to call my email ‘crowfeather’.  I felt this was appropriate because the crows had adopted me as one of their own in Seattle. They were definitely my spirit animal.   I truly was a wise woman now, someone with the wisdom from the ancients.  My ancestors from the past life session wanted to help me find my path in the universe.  The old me was passing away, and making room for the new and improved woman I was becoming.  The past life session had really been a turning point for me.  At the time, I thought this was a good thing.

Also around this time, I had participated in my first ‘Map healing’ session with my friend Fawn.  She had taught me how to open the ‘cone of healing’ and call in ‘the ascended masters of the white brotherhood’.  Fawn said these were great enlightened masters from since before time began, and they would be able to assist me in my life.  The deva of nature spirits was a helpful spirit in charge of the natural world of plants, and Fawn informed me that this spirit would be helpful in healing my body of all ailments.  Fawn also told me that every time she opens the cone of healing she would call in Jesus for protection.  She knew channeling was a dangerous activity, so when she opened the ‘cone’ she would ask Jesus to heal her along with the other spirits.  This made sense to me.  As long as Jesus was involved, I figured it would be safe enough.

I would later learn of course, that there is a false Christ in the new age, a version of Jesus that is a counterfeit to the true Light of the World.  Not all things done unto Jesus’s name are the true Jehovah God.  Different spirits masquerade as Jesus, and even some churches have what’s called the Kundalini Spirit–a false holy spirit that seeks to mimic the actual baptism of the Holy Spirit.  You will feel this sense of ‘bliss’, but it’s not from the Lord.  It’s demonic.  

During the Map healing session, I felt peace flowing through me.  It was similar to the past life regression work I had done before, in that afterwards I felt like I was floating in a blissful state of existence.  Everything felt so good.  I thanked Fawn when the session was over.  She then told me that I could do a healing session on myself any time I wanted, and that all I had to do was say the words inside my mind.  I would need to get to a meditative still place inside, but the concept was the same—open the cone and call in the spirits to heal me.  I began to see that this was not much different from praying.  I was asking the spirits to help me, assist me.  Maybe spells were like prayers too, I thought.  It all made sense.  My words were powerful, and I could create any reality I chose.  I thought this was what prayer truly was, the act of forming my world as a co-creator with God.  I began to think how silly the church was for teaching us to ask for God’s will, when we could be creating and manifesting all that our heart desires.

I didn’t realize I was falling for the age-old lie that Satan told to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden:

For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5

Feeling so inspired by this rush of energy and healing from the deva of nature spirits and the ascended masters, I began to wonder what this was all about.  Was the spiritual realm something that I had simply been taught to fear?  Maybe it was my birthright to be able to manipulate the energy around me.  The other realm began to become my friend, something I could use to enhance my life.  I became fascinated with the idea that people could control the elements and the natural world, and I took this as a sign that someone was spiritually powerful.  I too, wanted this power.  I felt ready to finally stop being a victim and take control over my life.

Then, I suddenly thought of my beloved spirit animal, the crow.  There weren’t as many crows in Oklahoma as there had been in Washington, and I had been missing them terribly.  I felt a strong and powerful urge for them to be near me again, to feel the fellowship of my protectors, my guides.  I missed them, needed them with me.  I felt this pulling feeling, as if my whole being was calling the crows to me.  I had no idea what I was doing, or that this was a form of witchcraft and sorcery.  I just knew I needed the crows there and I had called them to me.

The next morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.  I got my mug, and went to the balcony to enjoy my coffee outside.  Upon opening the sliding door, I caught my breath in amazement. There below me was a large group of crows.  There must have been 50 crows on the street below, squawking and milling around.  I couldn’t believe my own eyes! I just sat there mouth open in shock.  What did this mean? I felt like I was finally becoming a powerful and wise spiritual woman.  That was the day I renamed myself ‘Crowfeather’.  I used this as my spiritual name because the crows had indeed chosen me.  That’s what I thought then.

This is the enchanting deception of the shamanic path.  Nature is used to lure us into a magical union with the natural world, and we believe it’s all God doing this.  We believe we can manipulate nature and bend the universe to our will.  This is just a taste to further lure us into sorcery.

It wasn’t long after this, that I began to book gigs as a psychic reader.  I felt my powers growing, and I was ready to help others.  My first gig was at a local art show in my hometown.  I sat up a booth, and had purchased a little sign with the Tarot Woman logo on it—the beautiful picture of the woman in the red dress with the lotus flower.  I sat down, and waited for my first client.  I had decided to do readings for what was called a ‘love donation’—basically whatever the client felt the reading was worth to them.  This worked well at the art show venue, and I found myself reading for at least ten people that night.  I usually received anywhere from $10 to $20 per reading, so I came away with a little over $100 from a few hours worth of psychic readings.

My second gig was at a psychic fair.  It was an annual event held at a local hotel.  Upon arrival, I scanned the room.  There were tables lined up along the walls so that a person could walk through the room and consult with various psychics and spiritualists.  I found the person in charge, and told them I was booked as a Tarot Reader booth.  Tarot readers needed the tarot cards to do the readings; whereas, psychics did not.  I learned that not all tarot readers are legitimate psychics, but if they were skilled readers of the tarot they could still predict the most probable future outcome, based upon where the person was ‘energetically’ at that time.  I didn’t feel confident enough to call myself a psychic yet, so I simply let my clients know that the tarot cards were something that the client’s subconscious is actually choosing, not the reader.  The reader is merely there to interpret the message of the cards.  I would have the clients shuffle their own cards back then, so they would understand I wasn’t doing anything weird or spooky.  I firmly believed we all had our inner destiny locked away in our subconscious, and the tarot symbolism merely helped our brains access this information.

As I sat down at the booth and put my Tarot Woman sign up, I began to feel a little uneasy.  I couldn’t figure out why, so I chalked it up to nerves.   The psychic fair was set to begin in a few minutes, and I was getting my tarot deck ‘cleared’ and ‘charged’.  Before energy work of any kind, practitioners are taught to clear any ‘negative energy’ from themselves or their deck.  They are also taught to protect their energetic bodies and connect or ground so that they will be safe from any ‘psychic attack’.  I was told that crystals also help protect my energy, and also burning sage to clear my chakras and aura was key to doing energy work.  I had no idea how deceived I was.

As soon as my energy was cleared, clients began filing in the room.  My booth quickly became popular because as a first time reader for the psychic fair, I was obligated to charge only a donation for my readings.  The line for my readings became quite long, and I was beginning to feel nervous.  I quickly opened the cone of healing inside my mind, and called in the white brotherhood of ascended masters to help me.  I needed them to help soothe my nerves if I was going to get through this day.  My first client was an administrator from the psychic fair, and her goal was to test me to see if I was a legitimate reader.  The woman asked me about an upcoming job interview, and if it would be a good fit for her.  Nervous, but feeling more peaceful from the cone of healing, I began my process of reading the cards.  One by one, I flipped the cards over and revealed personal information about this woman’s question.  As I began to talk about this job offer, the woman’s eyes became widened.  The information revealed in the reading seemed very shocking to her, but she also seemed pleased.  Suddenly, she stood up and yelled over to the other tables “This woman’s the real deal right here!”  I immediately felt a sense of pride and confidence.  I enjoyed feeling special, like I had a power that someone else didn’t.  Upon hearing that my psychic abilities were legitimate, the line for a reading with me became even longer.

The next few hours were back to back readings, and I began to feel drained.  I had made a good chunk of cash in tips/donations, but I was ready to call it quits.  The administrators told me I could leave at any time, so I began to gather my things and get ready to head out to my car.  As I began to stand up, I suddenly felt very strange.  My head was spinning for some reason, and I felt like my center of gravity wasn’t quite where it should be. I wondered if I was coming down with something.  Suddenly, I felt like I might faint or fall over.  I had never felt faint before, so I didn’t quite know what to do.  A woman in a nearby booth noticed me struggling, and came to my aid.  “Are you okay honey?” she asked.

“I..uh..I don’t know..” I replied frightened.  “I feel strange, like I can’t walk.”

“Oh I bet I know what it is, she said confidently. You got an overdose of psychic energy from the room I think.”

A couple more ladies began to notice how strangely I was acting, and came over to see if I was okay.

“I think I must just be sensitive to all the energy in the room,” I said, nodding to the lady who had clued me in.

The women standing around me suddenly seemed a bit frightened, and I didn’t know quite why.  They started to exchange sideways glances, and suggested I head home to be safe.  One of them offered to walk me to my car, but by this point I was starting to feel a little better so I declined.

When I left the building, I started to feel a little more like myself, but it took a solid few hours to fully recover from whatever had happened.  That day made an impression on me, and I began to wonder if I wanted to be a psychic reader as a career.  If I was that sensitive to energy, then I would have to rethink this.

Of course, now I know that the energy in the room was demonic.  That combined with other psychics in the room calling upon other entities was most likely an overload of demonic warfare in the room.  Most of the readers thought they were calling on angelic guides and/or goddesses, but we would soon learn that Satan masquerades as an angel of light. 

Chapter One: The False Vision

Introduction:

This is my story.  This is a very personal account of why the new age beliefs appealed to me, how they promised healing and peace, but delivered the opposite.  This is a story of how I desperately searched for love and God in places that led me to spiritual darkness.  It is not my intent to judge those in the new age, but to shed God’s light upon it.  There are many imitations of the True Light of the world:  Jesus Christ. The antithesis to our Heavenly Father is a being called Lucifer, who is the father of lies and the god of this world.  We are all making our way through a fallen state of existence, and this book is about my journey to discover Truth, and how it changed me.  God’s truth revealed the true ME, the woman God truly intended me to be. The identity I had been searching for all my life.  This is the story of how I found true peace for the first time through the love and redemption of Jesus Christ my savior.

To my fellow Christians who don’t know what the new age is, I hope this book will help explain how seductive the teachings are and how someone can easily fall prey to them.  The new age teachings have crept into many churches now, and it is imperative to be informed about them.  Many Christians are reluctant to talk about these things, for fear it will bring on more evil in their life.  However, we must be sober and vigilant, with eyes to see the schemes of the enemy.  This is imperative for all believers, and as uncomfortable as it is to talk about things that aren’t of God, we need to come together and address this.

For those of you wondering what kind of person would willingly enter the dark world of the occult, let me tell you it’s not marketed that way anymore.  We have a cunning enemy, and satan appears as an angel of light in the new age, promising peace, unity, and healing.  The enemy twists things to give the appearance of truth and ancient wisdom, and many are believing these half-truths in their search for God.  The term ‘new-age’ really refers to the ‘old paganism’ of the Bible– all the sins of dabbling in spiritism that are forbidden.  However, nowadays these mystical practices are repackaged as healthy for us and even adopted by many Christians.  The world is blending paganism with Christianity, and this is the issue I’m hoping to address in this book.  The devil’s plan with this is to create a unified religion that appeals to pagans and Christians alike, the end game being to position the antichrist as the head of the church, and recognized as ‘god’ by the many.  This is the great deception.  We are all pawns unless we see behind this veil.

To give you some backstory as to my beliefs: I was raised in a Baptist Church, and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and the Son of God and when I was 10 or 11.  I remember getting baptized, and I loved the Lord with all my heart.  I prayed each night, and talked to God all the time.  However, around 19 years old some painful events happened in my family that caused me to lose the majority of my faith.  My parents were on their second marriage at that time, and both of them had decided to divorce their spouses again.  The foundation of both my families was crumbling while I was away at college.  My stepfather could no longer pay for my classes, so I had to drop out of school, get a full-time job and apply for food stamps.  He was suddenly gone from my life, and I felt like I lost a father.  I had gone from pampered to poverty in under a month.  It was a shock for my 19 year old self.  That coupled with family secrets, buried memories of childhood abuse, and general dysfunction—it all combined to create a crisis of self and faith.

My faith in God was childlike to begin with, and so I thought maturity meant not expecting God to solve all my problems.  This lie kept me drifting far away from God, and eventually I adopted the new age teachings because they had bits of Christianity mixed in with other mystical teachings.  There was also the issue that many Christians seemed mean and judgmental, and I wanted no part of that.  So, if the church wasn’t the place where God lived, then I had to find the true Jesus elsewhere.  That’s what started my journey to uncover ancient wisdom, and I hoped it would heal all the broken parts inside me.

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Chapter 1:  The False Vision

      When his face appeared, I recognized him immediately.  It was as if I had known him before time existed.  He looked into my eyes, somehow peering deep down into my very soul.  He spoke one word…’Love’.  It was as if I could hear his voice resounding inside my mind.  When he spoke, waves of ‘energy’ appeared and formed four red letters upon his heart.  Like a glowing neon sign, the letters spelled out the word…’Love’.   Suddenly, I felt weightless, like I was in another dimension.  When I opened my eyes, I discovered I was awake, yet still inside the dream.  The glowing letters echoing the word ‘Love.’  

Back in my mid-twenties, I had a vision.  Not knowing what that was, I considered it to be a message from God.  I had no idea that Satan can also send visions.  I just assumed it was from God because it was about ‘Love’.

When I received this vision, I was delighted to behold a man’s face..and not just any face.  He was beautiful.  He had piercing blue eyes with shoulder length, sandy brown hair.  His eyes shone with kindness and intensity, and he had a beard which, to me, gave him the appearance of wisdom and safety.  I had a peaceful feeling when I looked at him, as if we had known each other before.  He uttered one word to me: ‘Love’.  He said the word almost telepathically, and I remember thinking he was speaking to my very soul.

I knew instantly that this man was to be my husband, as if this knowledge was sent from heaven–it wasn’t.  My friends however, were a bit dubious about the vision, and teased me that maybe who I really saw was Jesus instead of some destined ‘true love’.   But, I would not be dissuaded.  I decided that from then on, I would be on the lookout for this man, as I was not going to miss finding my soulmate!

So for the next few months, I had a laser sharp focus for any man with a beard and sandy brown hair.  I mean, I had a hawk eye looking for this future soul-mate.  I was convinced my other half was going to present himself very soon.  The funny thing (and I tried not to focus on it), was that I wasn’t really attracted to men with beards at that time, or at all really, but it mattered little because the idea of a destined love was what I had been preparing for since I was 17 years old.  I had been enamored with the idea of ‘love at first sight’ since high school, so the idea of love at first ‘dream-vision’ wasn’t much of a leap from there.  I decided that if God cared enough to send me my other half, I would not quibble about his appearance.

My fascination with soul-mates continued into my college years, where I learned about the Greek myth of the ‘Androgyne’, a poetic theory teaching that humans are born separated from an integral piece of their identity–the literal other half.  I learned that this ‘other-half’ is the soul’s counterpart, and they were literally created to fulfill us.  I was so taken with this concept, as it seemed similar to the story of Adam and Eve.  God created Eve just for Adam, so that he wouldn’t be alone.  God fashioned Eve out of Adam’s rib, and she was in fact a part of him.  They were ‘one’ together.  I wanted that ‘one-ness’. I wanted my other half.

You see, I had always been a die-hard romantic.  Romeo and Juliet was my favorite story since age 16, and I longed for the kind of connection I saw portrayed.  I was consumed with the idea of a soul bond that transcended the mundane idea of mere compatibility.  I wasn’t looking for a simple boyfriend; I wanted a convergence of time and space–the kind of love that blended two souls into one.  The search for true love gave me a feeling of complete wholeness, without which life would be empty.  Everything I did revolved around making myself good enough to find this destined love someday.  This was my entire purpose of existence.  Yet, through all this I never once stopped to wonder why finding love was so important to me–never questioned my fixation on this or where it came from.

With all my fixation upon finding true love, beholding my soul-mate in a dream was in every way an answer to my prayers.  Around the time I received the vision, I had been through a series of traumatic life events, and because of this, the vision became a veritable life raft for me.  I clung to my vision as proof that my life would get better; It meant I would be somebody.

The seed of deception from Satan had been planted, and little by little my penchant for romance grew into a deep obsession, leading me to search for love no matter the cost to myself or my soul.

But let me go back to how this all began…