Chapter 18: Psychic Readers
“Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils.”–1 Timothy 4:1
After the breakup, I began to gradually take my power back, as was generally advised to do if a young liberated, feminist woman had just come out of a bad relationship. It was all about personal power and reclaiming it. I wanted so badly to heal myself from the loss of dignity I experienced with Edward. In order to cautiously determine if my new job would become a long-term fit, I had still been living at my mom’s house and slowly saving up money in preparation for a place of my own again. The thought of having a real life again seemed almost too good to be true, but I had to hold out hope. I began to date again as well, as I was searching for men to restore my sense of self and dignity that I let Edward take from me. I thought a man could restore that back then.
I regarded a romantic relationship as the holy grail of healing, and true love became like a religion of sorts.
Looking for this healing, I had also consulted many psychic readers at this time. I was told by one particular reader that Edward’s energy had left psychic hooks in me, and how relationships leave a lasting mark on our spiritual body. To remove these hooks, the psychic reader told me I had to visualize these spiritual hooks coming undone. I tried everything I could to visualize these hooks being released, but I still felt the same as I ever did—depressed and lonely. I so badly wanted to be free from any hold that Edward had on my spirit. I wanted to reclaim my body and my mind, to take back all that I perceived Edward had stolen from me. It was also around this time that I felt in order to remove the psychic hooks, I needed a ritual to fully reclaim my body from the trauma it had been through.
I had no idea that Jesus was all I needed to heal. I was still stuck in ‘working’ towards my own healing, thinking it was something I had to find all on my own.
It was at this time that I decided the best way to reclaim myself was to get another tattoo. I needed something visible to document the change inside myself, something permanent. I had gotten a couple other tattoos in similar times of transition in my life, and it always felt spiritually cathartic. I wanted a rite of passage celebrating my newfound freedom. This time, I decided to get a tattoo of my spirit animal, the crow. It was a very large tattoo that I ended up getting on my back. I felt this tattoo healed me somehow, of all the marks that had been made on my flesh by the hands of others. I felt this was a reclamation of all the bad things I had endured, that this was now my new life…and that no man could take that from me again. This was a very important healing ritual for me, and marked the beginning of a new chapter in my spiritual path. I started to become fascinated by transformation in a spiritual sense: shapeshifting, shamanism and goddess circles began to appeal to me—anything that offered spiritual change and renewal. I too wanted to be transformed into a new woman. I wanted to be healed and made new.
I would later learn that Jesus is the only way to be healed and turned into a new creation, but the false kingdom imitates this true transformation in many ways..getting us to attempt to transform our lives by ourselves. Jesus is the ‘one-stop-shop’ for all healing as He is LIFE itself, but I was still stuck in the lie of trying to create my own life.
Time was flying by in those days, as I was working hard at my new job and networking in my social life. It was also around this time that all my hard work turned into a promotion. Much to my surprise, I was offered a salaried position with benefits. This promotion signaled to me that it was the right time to move out of my mom’s house, and begin to have a life of my own again.
I began to look around for a place, and as luck would have it I stumbled upon a cute rental property– a shabby-chic style duplex in a trendy part of town. Knowing these properties go fast, I wanted to jump on the opportunity as quickly as possible. I decided to tour the duplex the next day. When I arrived to check out the place, I immediately fell in love with its vintage charm. As I walked up to the door, I could feel the magic emanating from the house. Suddenly, crows began to squawk in the trees above me. My spirit animal was looking out for me, I thought.
Upon entering the duplex, I was enchanted by the beautiful 1920s style architecture. I noticed there was an arched doorway separating the entryway from the living room, and in the living room there was a beautiful fireplace mantle adorning the east wall. The walls were made of plaster, and had a lovely textured appearance. The finishing touch was the stunning hardwood floors, stained a lovely shade of dark brown.
As I looked around at the duplex, I felt such hope. Here I was, an independent woman again with a job and a charming place to live. I felt so overwhelmed by emotion, and it was at this very moment that something caught my eye near the fireplace. I walked over to get a better look, and much to my delight I beheld tiny decals attached to the wall. The decals were shaped as little blackbirds, little baby crows. This was the confirmation I had been looking for. This was a sign from the universe. Yes, I had found my new home. It was settled.
I lived my life by interpreting signs back in those days, and I was desperately searching for a roadmap to life.
Feeling like this house was a dream come true, I signed the lease that very day. It was early September, and my birthday was in a few weeks. My plan was to get the duplex ready to host another one of my double birthday parties with my good friend Angie. Having my work cut out for me, I decided to recruit some friends to help me move. During the move, I did notice a few things that gave me a moment’s pause, but ultimately didn’t concern me too gravely at the time. Moving furniture in, I saw a couple roaches and a mouse scurrying across the floor. I wasn’t pleased, but I wasn’t shocked either..even though I should have been. I just figured the house needed to be sprayed and have some mouse traps set. I never thought it would be more effort than that. Reassuring myself this was my dream house and that the critters would be gone soon, I plowed on with my birthday party plans. However, I decided to remain sleeping at my mom’s house to be on the safe side until the house was ready.
A few weeks went by, and I had been working hard to get the place ready. The exterminator had sprayed the entire house once, and the maintenance man had also bug bombed the crawl space and the attic for good measure. I had set out mouse traps, and actually caught what I assumed was the only mouse in the place. I hadn’t seen any more bugs, so that was reassuring, but I still hadn’t slept at the duplex. Deep down, I was becoming very unsettled but outwardly I kept fighting to get the place ready. This duplex represented my freedom and independence, and I wasn’t going to let a few bugs and vermin ruin that.
The night of the party eventually rolled around, and I was starting to get excited to show off my new place. I had purchased a new couch and curtains, and the living room looked artsy and eclectic. I had also found a cute outfit that I was looking forward to wearing. I had been told that Angie’s husband was bringing a single guy to the party for me to meet, so I wanted to make a good first impression. Overall, the night seemed full of possibility. It was one of those nights where I felt a profound sense of hope for my life. Things really could be great again, I felt.
On the night of my birthday, a few gals arrived ready to help me entertain. We had to set up the sound system, get the food ready, and arrange the table with the beverages– wine and so forth. I began to busy myself rinsing off the wine glasses so they would look spotless on the table. As I placed each glass upon the table, I noticed there were tiny droplets of water were still glistening upon the glass rims. I wasn’t concerned though, because the glasses would dry before the guests arrived. Everything looked so nice, and I stood there for a moment admiring the arrangement of the buffet table. My gaze fell upon the sparkling glassware, as I noticed some of them still had the tiniest bit of moisture on them. Taking a closer look, I suddenly gasped in horror as I saw the unthinkable– a tiny baby roach moving at lightning speed towards the droplets of condensation on the glasses. I screamed in shock, and without thinking squashed the bug with my bare hands. It moved so fast that I didn’t have time to grab a towel to kill it. How could this be happening tonight?! I moaned inwardly. This was supposed to be my perfect new beginning..not some nightmare.
However, I didn’t have any time to dwell in the profound disaster of it all. I had guests arriving any minute, and I had to put a smile on my face. Deciding the show must go on, I donned the bravest face I could and readied myself for a night of battling bugs and pretending to be jovial. I requested my friends to cover everything food or drink related, and I kept a watchful eye out for anything creeping or crawling.
As if one roach wasn’t bad enough, an hour later another disaster occurred as a couple of roaches tried to crawl into a pot of delicious homemade chili another friend had brought over. It was at this moment that I began to shift into obsessive mode, hardly enjoying my party at all. How could I relax when I was busy collecting dirty dishes and washing them all night, to avoid bugs crawling on anyone’s plate. I was horrified someone would find out I had roaches and be disgusted. Then, I would be known as ‘roach girl’ forevermore.
When it was over, I vacuumed all the food crumbs from the rugs and mopped the floors, obsessively looking for roaches. I was still terrified and traumatized. The silver lining, if there even was one, was that even though the party was a personal nightmare, everyone else seemed to be having a great time and only a few close friends knew about the bug situation. I consoled myself with the fact that I had thrown a good soiree despite the pestilence. A great crowd of people ended up showing, there was some live acoustic music from friends, and lots of fun times were had by all. I did end up meeting the single guy my friend had promised, but to be fair our time was spent chatting while I hand-washed and hand-dried all the dishes—not the most romantic ‘meet cute’. He wasn’t really my type anyways, so I decided to move on from the whole evening.
That very night, I realized I had a choice to make. I could either keep trying to rid the house of pestilence, or I could break the lease and find another place. Both options frightened me for separate reasons. I wanted so badly to have a life of my own, and so I didn’t want to give up on my cute little place. Yet, on the other hand I couldn’t handle the thought of living with creepy crawlies either.
I didn’t know what to do, so I decided I would call the most powerful psychic I knew– a woman named Tina. She was actually an astrologer, and had done what was called a Vedic Astrology reading on me some months ago. She had correctly revealed some things nobody else knew about my past. I trusted her gift, so if anyone could give me advice about the house..it was her. Tina agreed to do a phone reading this time, and she advised me that staying at the house would work out, and that the bugs would be gone soon. I felt a profound sense of peace upon hearing this news. I took it to heart, and decided that I wanted to fight for my new place. I would save it from the clutches of the roaches and mice. I would heal this duplex! Trusting Tina had my best interests at heart, I never suspected her ‘psychic gift’ could be coming from a sinister source. Back then, I believed people were born with psychic powers.
What I would learn later was all divination is from Satan. When a person is Born Again and Saved by Jesus, the Holy Spirit can give that person gifts of Prophecy..but the prophetic words are about Heavenly matters…not everyday questions about love and life concerns. This is what a personal relationship with Jesus is for. If you pray and read your Bible, God gives you wisdom to make everyday decisions and discernment to know which decisions are safe or not. Without the Holy Spirit guiding your life, you are susceptible to the lies of Satan’s imitation kingdom.
Heeding this false advice, I set out to find a new exterminator for the duplex. This time I would need to use some heavy chemicals. My landlord recommended a man who guaranteed successful removal of roaches. I was advised that I would have to vacate the house for a week or two, however. I was hopeful that this would work.
After a couple weeks, I went back to the house to air it out. Much to my relief, there were no bugs in sight. There were some mice droppings on my bed though, so that was pretty disgusting. The exterminator instructed me on how to keep my place bug and mouse free. I was told that there would probably be a few months that I would have to use gel bait to make sure any roaches that had survived in the walls didn’t come back, and that I would need to remove all the leaves in my yard. Roaches survived in the leaves even through winter, the exterminator said. I would also have to treat the perimeter of the house with chemicals to create a barrier so the waterbugs would not come back inside. I was instructed to not leave any food out or uncovered. I had to keep all food in plastic containers or in the fridge because mice could smell the food through cardboard. The mice were gone for the most part, and my trusty mouser cat made sure they stayed away after that. She was a skilled mouse hunter, and I was so thankful to have her with me.
I was taught what roach droppings looked like, and that even if I didn’t see any roaches that I needed to be on the lookout for their droppings to monitor the roach activity in the house. I began to notice droppings more, so I began to bug proof the entire house. I was told to seal up all crevices that bugs could enter through. As I set out to accomplish this task, I became so obsessed with ridding my house of bugs that I decided I needed something more, something spiritual. Maybe my house needed a spiritual cleansing I thought. Could this be a curse placed on the house? Maybe I was sent here to heal the house, I wondered.
Little did I know, but the stress of this house would push me deeper into the occult for a solution. Instead of crying out to God, I set out to fix the situation myself.
The unsettling detail of this situation was that around this same exact time frame, a former tarot client and good friend of mine named Chelsea was actually going through a similar struggle with roaches at her new apartment. She too had split from her past relationship, and had just gotten a place of her own. Like me, she had moved into what she thought was a cute vintage apartment with charming wood floors but turned out to be riddled with roaches. She tried spraying the place with chemicals, but it didn’t seem to make a dent and Chelsea didn’t have the money to get another place because the landlord would not give her deposit back. Both of us were aghast as to why this was happening to us and felt constantly stressed about our living situations.
Realizing something more needed to be done, I offered to do a sage cleansing on her apartment. Mary thought that was a great idea. Since I had the gift of psychic power with my tarot readings, I was seen as a sort of spiritual initiator in these matters. I began to enjoy what I regarded as my spiritual authority, and I loved the idea of helping my friend with my gifts.
When the sage cleansing didn’t work, I had the great idea to do a house blessing for both of our places. I had heard of this before, and had been interested in the concept. So, I set out to find a book that would have a house blessing ritual we could use. I found the perfect book at the local metaphysical store. It was a book on goddess healing rituals, and it explained wicca in such a nice harmless way. It seemed more like empowerment and celebrating femininity than anything else. I found a nice house blessing spell in this book, and again it was written in a way that sounded more like a positive mantra or affirmation than anything creepy or dark. I did read in the book that house blessings or any spell needed to be done at 12 oclock midnight, so I set about to tell Chelsea the plan.
As it turned out, Chelsea’s situation had actually gotten better but not in the way we expected. Instead of the roaches just disappearing, she had been offered another apartment unit in the same building. Her landlord had discovered that Chelsea’s upstairs neighbor was a hoarder, and had a roach infestation, so Chelsea was given the opportunity to move to a separate unit in the apartment complex. That meant that she was no longer sharing any walls with her former upstairs neighbor. We were both so relieved for her, and we wondered if the sage cleansing had worked after all. The universe was blessing Chelsea, and it really bolstered our belief in the power of ritual and personal attraction. The law of attraction taught me that my brain and willpower was stronger than even I knew. ‘The Secret’ told me that I could manifest things into my current reality if I wanted them badly enough.
This is the time period where I realized the Law of Attraction was really Magick in disguise. The concept of attracting what you want in life through sheer willpower is the basic tenant of sorcery and magick—except the Law of Attraction repackages this with a veneer of positive thinking.
Overjoyed that my manifesting power had worked to help someone else, I began to realize I must have a powerful spirit. I did wonder why my own gifts weren’t fixing my personal living space, but I chalked it up to me not trying to manifest hard enough. After all, deep down I was more of a negative person than I wanted to be, and so I thought that this fear and negativity was definitely blocking some of the manifesting power in my life. I hoped the house blessing would turn the tide for me and help me to believe in the power of good things for my life.