Chapter 19: The Descent into Magick
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.–Proverbs 14:12
Having firmly decided to do a house blessing, I realized that the more people willing to do the blessing with me, the more powerful the blessing would be. I vaguely remembered a Bible verse from my childhood that said something about this, something like “If two or more gather in my name,” so I felt this meant spells would be more powerful if more spiritual energy were present. I saw spells as prayers in this context, and I saw myself as being proactive with my faith and asking God to bless my efforts.
It didn’t occur to me that I was playing God or trying to control the situation through the dark arts. I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing at the time.
Of course, I also had no clue that Spiritism of any kind was expressly forbidden in the Old Testament, and I would later find out why God had warned his people against dabbling in the occult. I just thought I could blend pagan beliefs with my Christian beliefs, and it would be a better spiritual path.
Looking for women to do a house blessing didn’t prove too difficult. I already had Chelsea on board, and so I just needed one more gal. Around this time, I had grown closer to another former tarot client of mine named Reagan. As it turned out, Reagan was completely interested in doing a spell with Chelsea and myself. Reagan confided in us that she had been doing spells on her own for many years, and that she knew a lot about ‘the craft.’ Chelsea and I were happy to have someone on board who knew about this kind of mystical thing. Elated to have officially formed my first ‘goddess group’, I was starting to get really excited for the house blessing. I read in my metaphysical book that while spells were most effective when done under the cloak of midnight, they were even more powerful when done on what the wiccan religion considers a holy day or sabbat. December 21st was coming up, and this was the winter solstice—a holy day for the wiccans. The wiccans believe there are days when the veil between worlds is thinner than usual, and on these days their spells and rituals have much more power to manifest. This all seemed natural to me at the time, and I never questioned whether or not this was true or what the veil really was.
So, I set out to prepare for the winter solstice. When I read in my book that it was customary to have cakes and wine after the spell was completed, the ritual then took on a more festive feel, resembling a potluck gathering. Chelsea had offered to bring a sweet treat for us, and Reagan offered to bring the wine. My contribution would be providing tarot readings before the ritual to both hone our spiritual powers and also thank the ladies for their help in the house blessing.
The night of the solstice arrived and it was a cold and blustery Friday night. I was glad to be done with the work week and begin to transition into a more spiritual frame of mind. As I fluttered around the house to prepare for company, I decided to burn some incense and light some candles to set the mystical mood. I was very taken by the ‘hearth and home’ aspect of witchcraft, the idea that a witch is an earthy natural sort of woman. I felt very feminine and powerful at the same time, seeing myself as the sort of woman who had a sexy witchy secret, something that distinguished me from the rest of the women I knew. I also felt a sense of control and power over my enemies for the first time. If this spell worked, I would have all I ever needed to protect myself from harm; this was very important to me, being protected and safe.
When Chelsea and Reagan arrived, we spent some time catching up and doing tarot readings to get ready. We had to wait until midnight to do the spell, so we decided to go ahead and drink some of the wine before the ritual, but we made sure to save some for afterwards as well. As the time drew near midnight, we went outside in my backyard to do the spell under the light of the full moon. This sounded so poetic to me at the time, women gathered in a sacred circle under the moonlight. We had carried a candle and the spell book with us so that we could read the words in unison.
When midnight was finally upon us and we felt that the moment was right, we looked at each other and solemnly began to say the words of the spell. We chanted the spell three times because that’s what the book said was a sacred number. We felt the power of our ritual as we repeated the spell. When it was done, we all smiled and giggled with a sort of girlish glee—as if the spell had unleashed a side of us we hadn’t known before, a ‘wild woman’ sort of inner child. I myself felt freed from something that day, freed from the old fashioned and oppressive rules that told us how to experience God. We were making our own rules now, and we were in charge of our lives. We could seek God as we ourselves saw fit. It felt rebellious and empowering, all things the world taught us were part of being independent women.
I had become my own creator that day, creating my own new religion—a blend of mystical beliefs with some Jesus mixed in. I would later learn that this is expressly forbidden in the Bible, and why God cared so much about his children to forbid it. However, for the moment I continued down the rose colored path to destruction, blissfully unaware of the dangers that lay ahead for my spirit.
Overall, the house blessing spell worked really well, and not only a week later I began to notice I had developed this strange new power to somehow ‘know’ where bugs had gotten inside the house. I was able to shore up the line of defense, and my bug-proofing became more effective every day. One night, I awoke and just ‘knew’ the exact location where a bug had entered the house. I immediately went into the living room, and checked behind the bookcase to indeed find a dead roach there. It had entered through a crevice in the baseboard, so I got out the caulking gun right then and there to seal the entrance in the wall. My psychic powers must be growing I thought, and I began to feel more safe in my new place.
Needless to say, after the house blessing spell I was hooked. We all were. We loved the feeling we had experienced after the spell, such a blissful sense of energy and peace.
This false peace is what it’s like in the beginning. Much like the wooing stage of an abusive relationship, the occult seduces and draws you into a world of illusion.
We all talked about it for weeks to come, and couldn’t wait to do another spell and ritual. So, a few months later we got our chance. This time, it was early February, and I learned that a holiday called Imbolc was celebrated on this day. Imbolc is a wiccan holy day that honors the goddess Brigid, (a demon) who is expressly known for what is termed white magic. The gals in the goddess group were all in agreement that we wanted to only practice this white magic—spells that we were told were only intended to help others. We felt we were acting as spiritual warriors, fighting the darkness with love and white light. However, we didn’t know at the time that the option of choosing white or dark magic is actually an illusion. Magic, sorcery, and the occult is all demonic regardless of intentions—therein lies the power of deception.
When the night of Imbolc finally arrived, the goddess group had decided to do another gathering. This time, we had all researched a bit more on how to perform effective spells, and we really wanted to take things to the next level. I poured salt out in a circle on the wooden floor, wanting to create a spiritual cone of power so our spells would be more effective.
For Imbolc, we decided to do a love spell to invoke our true soul mates. Valentine’s Day was fast approaching, and we were all feeling ready to manifest true love in our lives. I was definitely hopeful that God would send me a soulmate, someone to whom I felt magically connected . To celebrate the night, I had decided to wear a lovely white tunic with braided satin beads, something I had once purchased in hopes that Edward would declare his love for me . It was a beautiful shirt that I had hidden away in my post breakup grief. I finally realized that wearing this symbolic shirt to our soulmate ritual would be exquisitely fitting somehow. Perhaps, I could manifest my true soulmate with tonight’s love spell.
As the goddess group arrived, we began to do our tarot readings like before and drank a bit of wine to get in the spell-casting mood. When it was midnight, we started to form the circle, joining hands and repeating the words of the spell. As I chanted the words, I desperately cried out to the universe for someone to love, someone who would love me back and accept me in a way I had never known. I visualized myself embracing the arms of my true love as I locked arms with my goddess sisters to imbue the spell with our most powerful intentions– simultaneously wishing true love for one another.
On the surface, this all seemed so sweet and earnest at the time. However, we had no clue that in reality we were invoking a demon to ask for true love. We believed the lie: that the Universe is full of helpful spirits, gods and goddesses to aid and assist us if we do our part by manifesting and believing in good things.
It’s the illusion that appeals to the senses and tickles the ears, but the true face of the occult is one of enslavement to a darker force than you can imagine–the grim reaper itself, satan, the father of lies. The enemy wants our souls, plain and simple. Yet, if satan showed up asking for your eternal salvation most would say..’umm No!’. So, instead satan shows up looking like an angel of light. The enemy has the power to appear to you as anything he wants! Satanism and Witchcraft are two parts of the same coin, but the delusion is that nobody signs up thinking they’re serving satan. Some, like me, didn’t even want to turn away from God, but were instead seeking to create a personalized path to God that blends differing beliefs. However, that is polluting God’s teachings. Light has no business with darkness, and we cannot serve two masters.
Overall, the results of the love spell were interesting. As it turns out, the love spell only worked for one of us in the group, and I now thank God that it wasn’t me. Instead, it was only Reagan who received this gift from the goddess. At the time, Chelsea and I were a bit dismayed that our spells hadn’t instantly manifested like Reagan’s had, but we had read in our book that the Universe had its own timing. Chelsea and I felt like we had to keep the faith and trust in the will of what we now referred to as the Divine or Spirit—basically another term for the Universe.
Reagan’s love spell resulted in bringing her a very powerful man who wooed her with everything she had ever wanted—adoration, prestige, and lavish gifts. She was ecstatic, and as her sisters we were ecstatic for her. We thought this was evidence that God was on our side, and that our spells were blessed. We thought Reagan’s time had come, and the spell had brought her the prince she had always dreamed about.
We were about to discover how wrong we were.
Reagan’s prince was a bit older and well to-do. He knew many powerful people in town, and he took her to nice restaurants and bought her nice things. Reagan was having the time of her life, and was finally in the relationship of her dreams. She had been dating her prince for a few months, when he decided to propose to her on a surprise trip to Rome, Italy. Reagan had always wanted to be married to a man who would take her to see the world, and she had especially wanted to visit Italy. It had been her lifelong dream to see the Sistine Chapel, and this prince of hers was literally making all her dreams come true…just like a fairy tale. Chelsea and I were in awe and joy for our friend. What a blessing we thought this man was.
However, just like the true face of the occult, the true face of Reagan’s prince soon began to emerge. It all started when Reagan was in Rome having the time of her life, when she began to complain of a pain in one of her upper teeth. Her prince surprisingly ignored this and wouldn’t allow her to see a doctor. Intent on seeing the sights, he dismissed her pain as inconvenient to his schedule. Isolated overseas with nobody to help her, Reagan began to see the callous way her prince was treating her. Soon, Reagan’s pain became unbearable and she began to run a high fever. Because she had not been allowed to see a dentist, the tooth had become infected to the point where the only option was to have it removed. This was devastating to Reagan on a lot of levels. She was a stunning woman, a woman who had a former acting career, and so to lose a visible tooth was quite a chip in the armor of her beauty.
When she and her prince returned from Rome, she was both embarrassed about her tooth and unsure about the way her prince had treated her. Reagan didn’t have the money to fix her tooth then, and her wealthy prince had made no mention of helping her pay for this procedure. Yet, she was finally engaged to be married to a powerful man, something she had always dreamed of. It became difficult for her to leave this fairy tale–broken as it was. As the months went by, things got worse and Reagan began to see her prince was also an alcoholic. He had been hiding this from her, and sneaking off to bars to consort with other women. Reagan was heartbroken and began to rapidly gain weight from all the stress. She confided in us that she longed to get away from this relationship, yet her prince had now seized total control of all her finances, and this made leaving him nearly impossible for her. Reagan had also been living with her prince at his impressive estate, but thankfully she had still managed to keep her loft apartment for weekend retreats. Unsure as to how she would begin to pay the rent again, she had a difficult decision to make.
As Reagan’s spiritual sisters we wanted to help, so we decided to do a spell for financial empowerment for the group. It involved candle magic and essential oils. We had to write down a positive affirmation about us having wealth, and then light a green or yellow colored candle anointed with a specific essential oil that was known to promote wealth and prosperity. Then, we placed our affirmation under our mattress to let our psychic energy grow and manifest.
I thought this sounded very similar to pop psychology and mantras. Even self-professing Christians used positive self-talk and essential oils, so this idea seemed very comfortable to me. I later learned that repeating affirmations and using essential oils to manifest wishes is one of the most basic forms of sorcery. It takes God out of the equation and focuses on our own will and power of mind. I also learned that the new age beliefs had been seeping into the church for a long time, and were deceiving even the elect…so the mixture of pagan beliefs and Jesus had become hard to detect for many.
The truth was that the money spell didn’t seem to work at all, and our group was feeling a bit downtrodden about it. We blamed our own inability to manifest prosperity, our lack of psychic energy and faith in positive outcomes. We would just have to try harder next time.
Soon, springtime was upon us and presented more opportunities for spellwork. Spring is a big season for wicca, and it involves many holy days. We were all hopeful that the spring would bring with it a regeneration of all of our lives, but most especially Reagan’s.
On the spring or vernal equinox, the goddess group met again for a ritual that involved burying eggs for the wiccan holiday of Ostara, which is around the same timeframe of Easter. It was here that we asked the universe for new life and new growth, as Ostara was a fertility goddess (demon). This spell seemed to work fast for Reagan, and it was shortly after our egg burying ritual that she was presented with a way to escape the clutches of her prince. Perhaps the spring equinox had given our spells the extra power they needed, we thought.
Reagan’s escape had presented in the form of a job offer, one that allowed her to just barely pay the rent at her loft apartment. Reagan had also sold her engagement ring to help pay the bills. Our sisterhood was ecstatic, so we decided that we should meet again and celebrate by doing another spell.
Luckily, a month later another opportunity arose with another sabbat known as Beltane. Beltane also honored the goddess (demon) named Ostara, and was known for its emphasis on fertility and procreation. However, since we had already done a ritual for Ostara we decided that this time we would present offerings to the faerie realm instead. The idea of faeries or fairies (satan’s deception) wasn’t really my thing, but Reagan loved them. It seemed lighthearted and fun though to do a spell asking the faeries (demons) for help with our lives, and I thought it was kind of like asking nature itself to help us.
I viewed mother-nature as a sort of goddess itself in those days, as if it had the power to help me all on its own–worshipping the ‘created’ instead of the Creator.
During the ritual for Beltane, we also decided to pay homage to the goddess (demon) named Isis, as she was associated with springtime as well. We had read it was a customary ritual to provide Isis with a love offering of milk and honey, and to do this our goddess group had once again gathered outside in my backyard. As we began pouring out milk and honey onto the earth, I felt this was a creative and fun way to celebrate femininity and mother earth herself. I remember feeling like we could do anything at that moment, that we were as free as birds in the night sky. As we began to frolic around the back yard, we felt our spiritual bond (demonic stronghold) grow and tie us together (demonic soul ties). We were inebriated from the wine and the goddess energy (demonic energy), feeling this was all such beautiful love and light.
I would later learn that I had in fact turned a spiritual corner that night into more darkness.
As we were dancing around in the backyard, Reagan suddenly began to get serious. She wanted us to form the circle once again and do one last ritual. This time, Reagan invoked a ‘god’ (demon) named ‘Ra’, the Egyptian sun god. I was immediately uncomfortable with this, as Chelsea and I hadn’t planned on calling on any ‘gods’. Somehow it seemed more safe and ‘innocent’ to call on ‘goddesses’ or ‘fairies’ than it did to invoke a ‘god’. Even so, this is all part of the deception, as dabbling in the spirit realm is all dangerous.
However, when Reagan called upon this particular entity, I immediately felt a shift…as if something had changed. It felt like a new power that we hadn’t experienced before. I recoiled even amidst the celebration, and that was when I began to notice a change in myself. Later that night, as I was showering the evening off of me and getting ready for bed, I remember feeling very strange. I felt as if something inside of my mind was screaming at me. The sound was agonizing and terrifying, and I began to feel afraid. Something changed that night, and there was no going back.
Looking back, the only way to describe what happened that night was that the spell had somehow created a rip or entryway in my psyche, a tear in my mind. Something new had been given permission to enter, something that I didn’t want to be there.
I would later learn that this is called demonic oppression, when spirits are allowed entrance into your life through dabbling in occult activity.
Because I had been saved and baptized as a child, I could not become possessed, but I would later learn the difference between ‘possession’ and ‘oppression’, and that demonic oppression is just as dangerous.