Chapter 30: Twin Flame Lies
“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”–1 John 4:1
Being a new Christian, I was about to learn that Satan attacks most ferociously during the time when a believer is first coming to Christ. New believers haven’t been grounded in the authority of Jesus, and don’t know the word of the Lord as the Sword of the Spirit, so they are very vulnerable to spiritual warfare.
The good news was that I was done with the heavy demonic oppression, and that was never to come back again, but I was about to endure spiritual warfare in a different way.
I would later learn that God allows this to build discernment in His children. God had many lessons to teach me, and even though they were not easy I now count it all Joy–Joy in the Lord through the chastisement, Joy in the Lord through the trials. It was all meant for me to be refined and grown up in the Truth..and I was about to have more scales removed from my eyes to see God’s truth first-hand.
No sooner than the heavy demonic oppression on my mind lifted, did Satan start to rear his ugly head in attempt to ensnare me in yet another deception–the lies of the Twin Flame Soulmate. It all started a couple months after being born-again. I was still wearing the boot cast, but my ‘bone bruise’ was feeling much better and I had a lot more mobility. With the ability to walk around the house more, I was doing laundry one afternoon when out of nowhere I had a thought about Tommy. I suddenly felt a very strong urge to contact him. He was one of the few men I had met in my life that claimed to be a Christian, so at the time I thought God was leading me back to a partner who would be a good choice for me. I wanted to date a believer, so I could be equally yolked, as I was learning this was of extreme importance for me spiritually. I didn’t want to be with anyone who would pull me away from the truth of Jesus, and I thought Tommy would be someone with whom I could share my faith.
Feeling this powerful urge to connect with Tommy, I decided to look him up online. I was able to find him, so I reached out to him and apologized for everything that happened in the past. I felt that I was in the wrong, so I wanted to extend an olive branch. He said he forgave me, and was happy to hear from me. I thought this all meant it was God’s will that we reconnect. Through our conversation, he told me he was still living in Hawaii, and that he had created a new life for himself, and was now going by a new spiritual name. I learned that he was very involved in the shaman community in Hawaii, and that he participated in many sweat lodges and spirit journeys with the drug called Ayahuasca—a powerful psychedelic that induces visions. He told me that he had been doing spiritual healing sessions as a side-job, and really enjoyed helping people.
You would think that I would have realized right then and there that Tommy was not a Christian at all, and that I needed to run away from this because it was literally everything from which I had just escaped. However, there was this strong pull inside me to ‘help’ him…and I couldn’t turn away. All these warning signs registered with me, but somehow I felt that I was supposed to reconnect with Tommy and share what God had done in my life.
At that time, I still believed the ‘true love vision’ I received years ago was from the Lord… but I would soon discover that the vision had been a deception from Satan the entire time.
Still believing this vision was from God, I was determined to help Tommy and bring him out of the new age. I felt that God wanted me to witness to him, and then we could be together forever. I had no idea that God does not unite two people who are unequally yolked. Instead, I believed the Twin Flame Lie that Tommy and I had some sort of spiritual purpose on the planet—one that we had to unite to achieve. I thought all these ideas were from the Most High at the time, but I was about to learn they were yet another deception. Something that I had not considered until this point was that Satan appears as an angel of light to deceive us. I was about to learn just how deceptive this ‘light’ can be.
Reconnecting with Tommy was a cunning distraction the evil one used on me as a baby Christian. Knowing I was very vulnerable and looking for love, Satan provided a snare in the form of a man who was still entrenched in the new age. As Tommy and I began to reconnect, sure enough I started to feel we were ‘meant to be.’ I felt pulled to him somehow, as if we were destined to be together for eternity. I began to research about this online, and I stumbled upon many websites and videos about the Twin Flame/Twin Soul phenomena. Many Christians also believed in this, so I thought it was safe and not ‘new agey’ at all. I believed that God had created a soul-mate or intended partner for each of us, much like he had created Eve for Adam. I began to read about twin flames and listen to all sorts of videos, trying to understand why I felt pulled to Tommy. The twin flame community all had a similar story to mine:
They had received a vision from ‘God’ with a picture or knowing of who their twin soul would be, and then they had met them. I thought I was stumbling onto some great truth at the time, and I thought this was part of God’s blessing to me for having exited the new age. The twin flame phenomena involved having a ‘psychic’ or ‘spiritual’ connection with one’s partner, a powerful draw to them, and many other empathetic qualities. I found that many Christians believed they were empaths or ‘sensitives’, and so I thought this was a safe concept as well. I didn’t know yet that although the Holy Spirit does give us spiritual giftings and annointings, but that Satan tries to imitate these gifts.
After talking with Tommy for a few weeks, we began to grow close again and he invited me to visit him in Hawaii. After our history together, I felt that I needed to visit him to somehow ‘make things right’. I owed him in a way, both for the time he almost visited me, and then again for the time he did visit me… but it went horribly. I felt that the gesture of my visit would somehow even the scales, and show him that we were meant to be. I wanted to do a grand Mea Culpa, and prove to him that I was his twin flame.
Even though I was financially broke, I had just received my final dispersement of student loan money for the fall semester. This meant that I could afford to visit Tommy. What’s more, if I scheduled the trip a few months from then my foot would be healed up enough to wear normal shoes. This could work! I thought. It all felt like my destiny unfolding. Tommy had also hinted that if I liked it in Hawaii, then I could move there and stay with him. This was what I had always dreamed about, a man whisking me away to another state and taking care of me. I began to fantasize about the idea of my life with Tommy in a tropical paradise. I felt so blessed! I thought God was gifting me the life I had always dreamed about. I began to make preparations for moving to Hawaii, and each day I became more convinced that Tommy was my Twin Flame.
In order to prepare for the move, I knew I needed to first get in shape to live on an island. The flight to Hawaii was scheduled for 3 months out so that I could lose the weight to look good for Tommy. I didn’t quite know how I was going to slim down, what with my foot being only recently healed. I called my foot doctor, and he approved me to wear special tennis shoes and instead of walking I could ride the exercise bike. I had about 20 pounds to lose in order to wear a bathing suit, and I was terrified at not looking perfect for Tommy. My life became all about looking beautiful for my Twin Flame. I began to limit my food intake, and exercise every day. I did cellulite treatments, tanning beds, and became quite obsessed with becoming as beautiful as I could be for Tommy.
Meanwhile, Tommy was busy making preparations for my visit too. When we originally reconnected, he had been living in a tent in someone’s backyard—which was actually more common in Hawaii than I had previously realized. The tent had a mattress and was very large, but nonetheless Tommy wanted a nicer environment for my visit and hopeful relocation. Within a month’s time, he found a furnished rental house and a roommate. This gesture was very endearing to me, and I felt it meant we were supposed to be together. Tommy seemed serious about preparing for my visit, but I was getting a little nervous about the fact that we didn’t talk about our feelings much. I got the sense that the whole trip was to see if we were truly compatible, to ‘test the waters’ so to speak. Because of this uncertainty, I began to become increasingly nervous about seeing Tommy again, and the old worries started haunting my mind that I wouldn’t be good enough for him. All the old feelings of insecurity rose up in me, just like they had when we first met.
Months went by, and it was finally the month of January—time to fly out to Hawaii to see my twin flame. Fueled by an excited nervousness, I had actually managed to drop 30 pounds. This was the thinnest I had been since college, and I truly thought this meant that God was blessing this union with Tommy. I believed God wanted me to look beautiful for my future husband, and I had read online that other women had lost weight when they met their twin flames. Some of the Twin Flame testimonies even remarked how their physical ailments were improved upon finding their twin flames. I was hopeful that this true love reunion would do the same for me. I had also read that the Twin Flame reunion was some sort of mystical experience, and at that time I was confused about mystical Christianity. The idea of twin flames also seemed so compatible with Christianity to me at that time, because I viewed it as journeying back to my authentic humanity, back to the Garden of Eden. I felt Tommy was the man God had created for me, and that the original humans had certain spiritual gifts from God. I felt that God wanted me to experience this as well. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was being seduced by the idea of mystical and new-age Christianity. I hadn’t developed the discernment for that yet, but the Holy Spirit was about to take me on a crash course.
Still being deceived by the Twin Flame videos and literature online, I believed the lie that my union with Tommy might unlock some other spiritual gifts and blessings for us, and I began to believe that if Tommy and I consummated our love we would be blessed even more with a ‘spiritual convergence’.
I had not yet been sanctified in this area of pre-marital sex, so the idea of intimacy with a man whom I thought was my future husband seemed safe. However, God was about to show me why sex was created to be a holy union. The union of two into one flesh is a spiritual bond, and not to be taken lightly.
Leading up to my trip was a very spiritually vulnerable time for me. I didn’t want anything to do with magic or new age, but there were some gray areas I wasn’t so sure about. The ideas of: Twin Souls, Crystals, Empaths, Christian psychics (claiming to have messages from the Holy Spirit), Energy healing, and Spirit Animals—all these topics seemed like they could easily fall into the category of mystical Christianity, which I thought was okay at the time. I was such a young Christian, that I didn’t yet have the discernment to see that this was all deception. Young Christians, especially ones exiting from the occult truly need support groups to help them understand what is safe and what is not. However, I know now that God allowed this so that I could clearly understand all these pitfalls of the satanic new age system.
God was about to slowly peel back every layer of the new age to grow my discernment.
As the weeks crept closer to my date of departure, I noticed that I was starting to have some real doubts about visiting Tommy. I still felt he was my twin flame, and I still wanted to witness to him and ‘save him’ from the new-age..but the doubts were growing louder and louder in my mind. This was the Holy Spirit warning me, but I didn’t realize that back then. Initially, I tried to silence the doubts because I felt horribly responsible for Tommy’s descent into the new age spirituality. I felt somehow responsible for introducing him to the tarot cards and mystical practices, and so I naively hoped that I could convince him of the dangers and rescue him from the deception.
However, as the time to visit him drew near I noticed I felt an increasing amount of anxiety at the idea of seeing him. So, for the first time as a new Christian, I surrendered my decision to Jesus and prayed for an answer. I wanted to know if visiting and/or moving to Hawaii was God’s will. I hadn’t actually consulted God before booking the flight, and that was something I was starting to realize was very important. So, I prayed and waited for a confirmation about my trip. A few days after praying, I began to notice something odd. I began to notice that a hawk seemed to be camped out near my mom’s house. While that wasn’t totally unusual for the countryside of Arkansas, it seemed unusual for the hawk to be so close to the house. The first week, I saw the hawk perching on a street sign near the mailbox in our yard, then a week later the hawk was sitting on the back of the fence in the backyard. I was surprised at the proximity of the hawk, because generally these birds of prey don’t come that close to humans. Then, the very next day I noticed the hawk was positioned on the side of the fence near the garage, and I happened to see him when I was taking out the trash. As if this weren’t startling enough, I finally encountered the hawk one day when it was perched on the hood of my truck—just sitting there. I gasped with shock, wondering why on earth the hawk was so intent on hanging around the house. I couldn’t ignore it when it was preventing me from getting into my car and leaving the house. I ended up shooing it away so I could run an errand, but it made me wonder why the hawk kept showing up near us.
Being such a new Christian emerging from what I now refer to as the new-age meatgrinder, my spiritual eyes were freshly opened. The scales had been removed, but I was still unsure of how to test the spirits. I could see God’s truth, but there were certain things I still needed to learn. This was one of them. At that time, I just assumed (wrongly so) that the hawk was a sign from God– telling me I should go to Hawaii. I was still very much into signs at that point in my faith. I was still confused at the idea of being connected to the natural world, and I was still blurring the line between Christianity and Shamanism. This confused me greatly at the time.
I would later learn that the hawk was not a sign from God..but a trick from Satan to get me hooked on the ideas of signs and nature reverence. I knew not to worship the created above the Creator..but I still hadn’t figured out that the enemy loves to twist things just a tiny bit to get us confused. While I certainly believe God gifts us with certain talents to work with animals or nature, God doesn’t want us revering animals or trying to interpret the actions of animals as heavenly signs.
I would also soon learn that God is not the author of confusion, and that when He answers our prayers, it’s in a direct way. We will know when God speaks to us and tells us what to do. God’s answers are backed by His word, and will never contradict what is written in the Bible. We don’t have to wonder about it, decipher the the signs, etc. Confusion is not from God.