Shamanic Magic Lies-Chp. 12

CHAPTER 12:  Shamanic Magic Lies

“Seers will be put to shame. Those who practice witchcraft will be disgraced. All of them will cover their faces, because God won’t answer them.”–Micah 3:7

The last week in Seattle was a whirlwind of events.  I had to figure out a lot of details if I was going to move back home.  First and foremost, I wasn’t sure how I was going to navigate the summertime heat.  I couldn’t exactly drive home because even in a car, the air conditioning didn’t always cool the vehicle down on a really hot day.  I considered driving at night, but decided that sounded too complicated.

Panicking, I decided to reach out to my first-love from college, James.  We had parted as friends, and agreed to call each other if we ever needed.  Well, this was one situation where I truly needed an ally.  I didn’t consider asking Tommy for help, not after how I’d rejected him years ago.  No. I needed someone with whom I had history, and that’s exactly what James and I had.  I was also a bit embarrassed that my life was unraveling yet again, and I felt like it wouldn’t be hugely appealing if I called Tommy during a messy place in my life.  Instead, I only wanted to present myself as a powerful and strong woman to him.  I decided that calling James was the best choice, as he had already seen me at my worst and had loved me once.

After telling James about my predicament, I was amazed that he graciously offered to fly to Seattle and help me.  He had even offered to drive my car back home to Oklahoma for me, and in return I would pay for all his gas.  He said he felt guilty for not understanding my health issues regarding the heat stroke, and he had been experiencing some recent health problems of his own.  I got the sense he wanted to make amends, and I was very grateful at how this was all working out.  With James on the way to Seattle, I decided to purchase a plane ticket for my return home.  I was going to fly my cat and myself back to Oklahoma.  All the arrangements had been made, and I could relax a bit.

Two days later, I picked up James from the airport.  His flight arrived late in the evening, and I had already begun planning some fun events for his itinerary while in Seattle.  Eager to show him the sights, I had heard that the Starlight bookstore was hosting a shamanic healing ceremony the next day, and I couldn’t believe my good fortune.  This seemed like a perfect chance to show him some of the spiritual paths I had been exploring.  He had agreed that it sounded interesting, and replied that he was always up for something new.  James was an agnostic intellectual type, but he somehow didn’t feel threatened by the idea of shamanism or new-age style spirituality.

When we got to the bookstore the next day, there were 8 people gathered in the back conference room, and we were told to sit down to form a circle.  We sat down in formation, and awaited instruction.  Most of us looked clueless but excited to be participating in something interesting.  Then, a sage bundle was passed around the circle and we were encouraged to blow the smoke around each other to cleanse our energies.  This was an important element of the new age, ‘saging’ oneself or the house to remove negative entities.

I would discover years later that nothing rebukes demons except the name of Jesus Christ, but back then I believed in the many rituals designed to protect me.  The trouble was, these rituals never did protect me at all.  They were all part of the lie. 

Suddenly Jess, the owner of the store, entered the back room carrying a pink candle in her hands.  She told us that we were going to do a special manifestation ceremony.  We were supposed to think of one thing that we wanted most in our lives, and then etch it onto the candle with a pencil.  The candle was then passed around the circle, and each person carved their one wish into the candle wax, careful not to write over someone else’s wish.  I decided to write down the word acceptance, hoping it would bring me true peace about my childhood and the trauma I couldn’t seem to forget.  Then, Jess brandished a large wooden stick of some kind.  The stick had been decorated with ribbons and different colorful items.  It was called a ‘spirit stick’, and we were going to pass it around the circle and chant something while the candle was burning.  The words for the chant were sent around the circle for us to read and then speak them in unison.  I was surprised the words mentioned something called ‘White Buffalo Woman’, which was a Native American goddess I had recently been reading about.  I took this as another sign I was on the right spiritual path.

When everyone was finished writing their intentions upon the candle, Jess ignited the wick, and we all began to chant in the circle.  We were all smiling and having a wonderful time, and after the ceremony was complete Jess picked up the candle and informed the group that she would be burying it in her backyard under the full moon that night.  She educated us that burying the candle in the earth under a full moon would allow our wishes to be charged with the full power of the moon’s rays.

Looking back, I had just participated in my first ‘goddess circle’, which was essentially a witches’ coven, and I had just performed what wiccans call ‘candle magic’.  To top it off, we had invoked assistance from a ‘goddess’ called White Buffalo Woman, but it just seemed like a harmless ritual to me back then.

I didn’t understand that pagan rituals called on other gods that were actually demons.

At that time, I was fascinated with how Native spirituality seemed so similar to Wicca.  Not all wiccans did spells, and not all Native Americans did them either.  However, I wanted to learn what these spells and rituals were all about.  They promised to reveal the secrets that had been hidden.  Who were the ancestors, the helpful spirit guides?  What was shapeshifting? I wondered.  Could I become a shaman and shape-shift?  It all fascinated me.  Again, I didn’t really see this at odds with Jesus then, mainly because the Native spiritual books mentioned something called Christ Consciousness, and because of that I felt this was safe.  Jesus performed powerful signs and wonders, and so Jesus must have known all about these mystical practices.  I wanted to learn the truth about this.  I had read that Jesus declared we would be able to walk on water just like He did, so maybe the church had intentionally hid this esoteric information from humans so we couldn’t have that same power.  Didn’t Jesus want us to be like Him? I rationed.

I would later learn that the ancestors and spirit guides were all demons masquerading as angels of light.

What’s more, the notion of Jesus as a shaman, light-worker, yogi, or mystic is what’s called ‘Christ Consciousness’–the idea that Jesus ascended to achieve Enlightenment, and that we can all use mystical practices to do the same.  This is not the real Jesus at all.  The real Jesus asked us to humble ourselves to the will of God and repent of our sins to enter heaven.  The Christ Consciousness made Jesus out to be yet another ‘enlightened being’ who we could be on the same level as him. 

     This very concept of enlightened knowledge wasn’t from the Bible. It was from spirits claiming to be angels, yet denying and twisting the word of the Lord.  The enlightened knowledge that Siddhartha and others received from meditation is not from Jehovah God; it is from the imitation kingdom of Lucifer.

I mistakenly assumed that I could blend eastern mystical belief systems with my belief in Jesus, and that would result in the same path to ‘heavenly knowledge’.  I thought as long as the word if someone used the word ‘Christian’ or talked about Jesus…then it must be of God.  I was about to learn how wrong I was in my thinking.

 

After the ritual, I was very surprised to see that James actually enjoyed himself.  He had a huge grin on his face afterwards, and I was so pleased we had found something new and fun that reunited us as friends.  As we were processing what just happened, I recognized someone I know from my Tarot class.  Her name was Fawn, and she and her husband Jerry were both at the ceremony.  I didn’t have the courage to strike up a friendship with her before then, but I felt emboldened now that I had a friend with me.  After I introduced them to James, we all began to talk and realized how much we had in common.  So, when I told Fawn that I only had a few days left in Seattle, she seemed disappointed.  She told me that she wanted to create a meaningful farewell experience for me in my last days there, and that I should call her tomorrow. Moved by that gesture, we agreed to meet up the next day.

The next morning, James and I decided to walk up the street to the nearby coffee shop for breakfast.  We took the giant outdoor staircase which led us to the back alleyway.  It was a shorter walk to the shop from there.  We spent the morning enjoying our coffee and donuts and chatting about how interesting the shamanic circle experience had been for us, when suddenly I remembered I needed to call Fawn.  Stepping outside, I made the call and Fawn answered the phone with a cheery greeting.  “Michal! Blessings, it’s so great to hear from you.  I have a plan for your departure.  Do you have a pen and paper to write something down?”  She then gave me a number for a woman in Bellevue who performs past life regressions, and Fawn had already paid for the session as a gift to me.  All I needed to do was schedule the appointment.  I remember feeling so grateful I had met Fawn, and also a little sad to be leaving now that I had a good friend.  I hung up the phone, and went back inside the coffee shop to tell James the good news.

As it happened, I called the number Fawn gave me, and the past-life practitioner had an opening that very day at 3pm.  How fortuitous! I thought.  I had never done anything quite like this before, and I was very excited to find out more about who I really was in my past life.  I felt this woman would finally show me the answers to what I had been searching for.  Maybe she could heal the past pain in my family line, the curses of abuse and fear.  I hoped she could, and I was very eager to see her.

     In the new age, it seemed like people were helping me and wanted to be my friend. This sense of peer approval was very addictive, and only served to reinforce the deception. 

 

James and I finished our coffee, and decided to drive out to Bellevue for the past-life session.  As I entered the practitioner’s office, I immediately felt comforted by all the Native American décor on the walls.  I myself felt sure I had Native American lineage, and I speculated that I had come from a long line of wise medicine women.  The practitioner then had me lay down on the therapy table, which looked much like a massage table.  She seemed very nice and non-threatening, so I opened up to her right away.   She then began to ask me a series of questions, nothing special per say, just questions about myself and my life.  I began to tell her a bit about my issues with men and finding true love.  I desperately wanted to find an answer to why I couldn’t seem to have a successful relationship.  Then, she grew quiet and began to meditate.  She asked me to lie still and focus inwardly on what I saw.  At first, I didn’t see anything at all, and so I thought maybe I should try to concentrate harder.

 

Then, suddenly I began to see an image form in my mind…

 

 I saw an image of a bowl on the ground, an antique bowl made from some sort of stone, and it had red flower petals inside of it.  The bowl had fallen to the ground, and all the petals inside of it had scattered onto the street.  I suddenly became aware that the woman was me in the past, and she was humiliated.  I looked up from the ground and saw a man on a horse, and he wouldn’t help her.  Her beautiful flower petals were strewn all over the cobblestone street, and he just stared coldly at her, then rode away.  I suddenly felt a profound sadness inside me, but then it was not my sadness; it was the woman who held the bowl.  She was grieving something, and her heart was breaking. 

     Then, I saw an image of a heart beating fast.  It was bloody, blood red, and it fell to the floor like the flower petals.  She had been cast aside, tossed out like garbage.  Her bloody beating heart was cast aside as if it was nothing.  I was grieving for her, and my heart was in such pain from these images.  Just when I couldn’t bear any more sadness, another image appeared.  Now, I saw an old woman.  She had piercing eyes that stared at me with an intensity that gave me chills.  I didn’t know what she was trying to tell me.  She was sitting down on something when she began to shake her legs and feet upwards at me somehow.  I didn’t know what it all meant, just that she was trying to tell me something.  Suddenly, the woman rolled over.  She covered herself with a blanket, and passed away.  She had died right there in my vision.

 

Finally, I couldn’t take any more of this, and so I sat up on the table, back in the office.  The practitioner looked at me, calm and serene.  I then began to tell her what I had just seen.  As I began to tell the story of the broken-hearted woman, the practitioner finished my sentences.  She had somehow seen the flowers and the bloody heart on the ground too.  How could that be I wondered?  I then told her about the old woman, and how she just rolled over and died, withered away under her blanket. 

The practitioner told me what I already knew to betrue’ (which was really a LIE from Satan):  that both of those women were ‘me’ in a past life.  The old woman was trying to tell me to live life and not hide under the covers in fear of truly experiencing love.  I had been so afraid of getting hurt again that I had become like that old woman.  I let love’s pain break me.  I remember at that very moment realizing my love life and all the failures weren’t my fault at all.  They weren’t a result of the choices I’d made.  Instead, I had been a part of a legacy of women who had been hurt by men, and I had to break the pattern. 

Suddenly all this ‘truth’ began to click for me.  I began to believe this vision and regarded it as ‘divine’ wisdom.

I would later learn it was all part of the deception from Satan. This woman was called a ‘Past Life Practitioner’, but she was in reality she was a Medium allowing demons to speak through her. 

     God’s truth was counterfeited to blend half-truths and twisted bits of personal information about me to sound like the whole truth.   At the time, I had no idea that familiar spirits (demons) are assigned to family lines, and can study us and know intimate details.  Mediums can then channel this demonic wisdom and seem like they are giving you hidden information. I had a lot to learn about the new age before finding the Truth.  I would also later learn that the Bible specifically addresses this as an abominable sin.

When the session was over, I thanked the practitioner profoundly.  I asked her if she would accept a tip, and she refused saying that my friend Fawn had paid her in full. I left the office, and went back to the car where James had been patiently waiting.  I told him what happened in the past-life regression, and he listened intently.  I was surprised that he didn’t give me a hard time about it, being that this wasn’t really his sort of thing.  Instead, he seemed to be legitimately interested in what I was saying.

 

 

 

 

I remember leaving the woman’s office that day feeling different, almost like I was floating on a cloud.  I felt altered in some way, but in a good way, like I just had a massage or drank a couple glasses of wine.  It was pleasant.  I felt a blissful sort of peace pulsing throughout my very being. This was the false high of the demonic healing, but I would later see the true face of this ‘bliss’. 

The next day rolled around, and it was my last full day before I had to catch my plane.  Fawn had scheduled a lunch with us to celebrate and discuss how the past life session went.  So, James and I drove over to meet Fawn and her husband Jerry for a bite to eat.  I told her all about the interesting floaty blissful feeling I had after the session, and she confirmed it was the same for her.  Fawn said that I should expect to feel differently for a while, and that was just my neurons rewiring themselves to include the new DNA memories of my past life.  It felt so great to have Fawn explain it that way, and I never thought I had done anything dangerous or demonic at that time.  I just thought the past life practitioner had a natural gift of ‘sight’ to see what I was seeing, and I didn’t know anything about familiar spirits or spirit guides at that time.  In my mind, I had just received a psychic healing from a wise woman who had powers to bring forth buried memories in my subconscious, ancestral memories.

That was how it was all framed for me, similar to hypnotherapy.  I thought entering into a trance state wasn’t that big of a deal since hypnotherapy was part of psychology.  Had I been told that I was having a session with a ‘medium’ who was ‘channeling’ spirits to show me a lie from a demon…well, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to do anything like that.

Therein lies the seductive power of the new age.  It takes ancient pagan practices forbidden in the Bible for good reason, and it repackages them in new language so that they seem like hidden wisdom meant to heal us and elevate us into ‘higher consciousness’.  These are all beautiful lies that sound great and tickle our ears, but in reality hide the deeper darkness therein. 

After lunch with Fawn and Jerry, we all decided to go on a little road-trip to the mountains.  Fawn wanted to show me some of the most ‘magical’ places in the city.  She took us all up to a view in the mountains called Hurricane Ridge, and we had to drive up a long winding mountain road for what seemed like an eternity to get there.  The vista was breathtaking, and there were huge bits of misty clouds that actually touched the ground.  I remember thinking the mists had a life of their own as they moved along the earth.  How lucky I was to notice these things in the spiritual realm.  We took some pictures, and walked around a bit.  It was difficult to walk too much though, because the altitude was so high.

Next, Fawn took us on a ferry ride—my first ferry ride ever.   She really wanted to show me a humpback whale, because I had told her that one of my life goals was to see one of these majestic creatures.  We rode around on the ferry for a good hour, but we didn’t end up seeing one that day.  We had a blast regardless.  Before the day was over, Fawn taught me about orbs, which were little angelic spirits that sometimes appeared in pictures as tiny bubbles, she said.  She taught me about so many things that day, and ended up gifting me one of her books about something called MAP Healing.  This was where you opened a ‘cone of healing’ inside your mind, and called in something named the White Brotherhood of Ascended Masters and the Deva of Nature Spirits to do a healing session on you.  She then gave me one of her large ‘earth keeper’ crystals that I should use when I opened the cone of healing.  I had no idea what this was all about, but it sounded fascinating.

I wanted healing from all my issues, and energy work was the next big thing in my opinion.  The healthcare world just couldn’t find the answers I needed.  Maybe my heat issues could finally be fixed.  I remember being so overwhelmed with love from Fawn, and I felt she was a big sister to me and helping me in so many ways.  She wanted healing too, and she felt she was giving me all the tools I would need to go back to Tulsa and live my best life, free from the past and any pain I had experienced.  That was always the goal, to not dwell in the past but to heal it and move forward, always moving forward to reach higher and higher states of vibration and consciousness.

Years later, I would find out from the Holy Spirit exactly what the ‘Cone of Healing’ and ‘Ascended Masters’ really were, but at this moment in time I was happy in my ignorance.  The world of mystical healing was beautiful then.  Lovely goddesses and spirits who wanted to help us on this earth.  I was enamored with this sparkling magical world.

It wouldn’t be until years later that I would finally see the True face of these spirits. They were not really my allies at all, quite the opposite.

 

 

 

 

 

All Twin Flames are Demonic Strongholds

Just because we feel a strong connection with someone does NOT mean that connection is from the Lord. I promise you.

What if I told you that Satan can plant lust, longing, and romantic obsession in our hearts? When left unchecked, it grows into a deep STRONGHOLD.

We are told to guard our hearts in the Bible.

Our hearts are deceitful, which means they can be compromised and deceive us. Yes, Jesus has taken away our heart of stone and given us a new heart of flesh with the gospel written on it. YET, we are to guard that new heart of flesh! Hallelujah!

How do we guard it?

We speak God’s truth to every lie. Hold each thought hostage. Truly, this is a daily battle that we have to know God’s word to speak God’s truth to each HALF-TRUTH that Satan tries to use to plant seeds of doubt in our brain.

 

Stay in the Bible.

 

TEST THE SPIRITS.

 

Pray: LORD, IF THIS DESIRE IS NOT FROM YOU….PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY. AMEN.  

 

Examine the fruits of this romance. Is this person a professing servant of Jesus Christ?  If so, what are their fruits? Do they follow the Lord’s decrees, or do they do what they want and then repent? Are they following the True Jesus or a false christ?  

Are they bringing you closer to the TRUE Jesus, or are you getting lukewarm and longing to do worldly things like get drunk, have sex, lust, idolize yourself and worldly things, etc.

 

***THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO THOSE WHO WERE ALREADY MARRIED WHEN THEY WERE SAVED. We can stay with our spouse and pray they come to the faith.

***DISCLAIMER:  I’m not saying we need to stay with our spouse, just that it’s not a sin to stay.  If your spouse is abusive, that’s another matter. Please consult a pastor about this if your spouse is abusive.

 

“How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”
1 Corinthians 7:16

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.”  1 John 4

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”  Jeremiah 17:9

“Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:5

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Chapter 30: Twin Flame Lies

Chapter 30:  Twin Flame Lies

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”–1 John 4:1 

Being a new Christian, I was about to learn that Satan attacks most ferociously during the time when a believer is first coming to Christ.  New believers haven’t been grounded in the authority of Jesus, and don’t know the word of the Lord as the Sword of the Spirit, so they are very vulnerable to spiritual warfare.

The good news was that I was done with the heavy demonic oppression, and that was never to come back again, but I was about to endure spiritual warfare in a different way. 

I would later learn that God allows this to build discernment in His children.  God had many lessons to teach me, and even though they were not easy I now count it all Joy–Joy in the Lord through the chastisement, Joy in the Lord through the trials.  It was all meant for me to be refined and grown up in the Truth..and I was about to have more scales removed from my eyes to see God’s truth first-hand.

No sooner than the heavy demonic oppression on my mind lifted, did Satan start to rear his ugly head in attempt to ensnare me in yet another deception–the lies of the Twin Flame Soulmate.  It all started a couple months after being born-again.  I was still wearing the boot cast, but my ‘bone bruise’ was feeling much better and I had a lot more mobility.  With the ability to walk around the house more, I was doing laundry one afternoon when out of nowhere I had a thought about Tommy.  I suddenly felt a very strong urge to contact him.  He was one of the few men I had met in my life that claimed to be a Christian, so at the time I thought God was leading me back to a partner who would be a good choice for me.  I wanted to date a believer, so I could be equally yolked, as I was learning this was of extreme importance for me spiritually.  I didn’t want to be with anyone who would pull me away from the truth of Jesus, and I thought Tommy would be someone with whom I could share my faith.

Feeling this powerful urge to connect with Tommy, I decided to look him up online. I was able to find him, so I reached out to him and apologized for everything that happened in the past.  I felt that I was in the wrong, so I wanted to extend an olive branch.  He said he forgave me, and was happy to hear from me.  I thought this all meant it was God’s will that we reconnect.  Through our conversation, he told me he was still living in Hawaii, and that he had created a new life for himself, and was now going by a new spiritual name.  I learned that he was very involved in the shaman community in Hawaii, and that he participated in many sweat lodges and spirit journeys with the drug called Ayahuasca—a powerful psychedelic that induces visions.  He told me that he had been doing spiritual healing sessions as a side-job, and really enjoyed helping people.

You would think that I would have realized right then and there that Tommy was not a Christian at all, and that I needed to run away from this because it was literally everything from which I had just escaped.  However, there was this strong pull inside me to ‘help’ him…and I couldn’t turn away.  All these warning signs registered with me, but somehow I felt that I was supposed to reconnect with Tommy and share what God had done in my life.

At that time, I still believed the ‘true love vision’ I received years ago was from the Lord… but I would soon discover that the vision had been a deception from Satan the entire time. 

Still believing this vision was from God, I was determined to help Tommy and bring him out of the new age.  I felt that God wanted me to witness to him, and then we could be together forever.  I had no idea that God does not unite two people who are unequally yolked.  Instead, I believed the Twin Flame Lie that Tommy and I had some sort of spiritual purpose on the planet—one that we had to unite to achieve.  I thought all these ideas were from the Most High at the time, but I was about to learn they were yet another deception.  Something that I had not considered until this point was that Satan appears as an angel of light to deceive us.  I was about to learn just how deceptive this ‘light’ can be.

Reconnecting with Tommy was a cunning distraction the evil one used on me as a baby Christian.  Knowing I was very vulnerable and looking for love, Satan provided a snare in the form of a man who was still entrenched in the new age.  As Tommy and I began to reconnect, sure enough I started to feel we were ‘meant to be.’  I felt pulled to him somehow, as if we were destined to be together for eternity.  I began to research about this online, and I stumbled upon many websites and videos about the Twin Flame/Twin Soul phenomena.  Many Christians also believed in this, so I thought it was safe and not ‘new agey’ at all.  I believed that God had created a soul-mate or intended partner for each of us, much like he had created Eve for Adam.  I began to read about twin flames and listen to all sorts of videos, trying to understand why I felt pulled to Tommy.  The twin flame community all had a similar story to mine:

They had received a vision from ‘God’ with a picture or knowing of who their twin soul would be, and then they had met them.  I thought I was stumbling onto some great truth at the time, and I thought this was part of God’s blessing to me for having exited the new age.  The twin flame phenomena involved having a ‘psychic’ or ‘spiritual’ connection with one’s partner, a powerful draw to them, and many other empathetic qualities.  I found that many Christians believed they were empaths or ‘sensitives’, and so I thought this was a safe concept as well.  I didn’t know yet that although the Holy Spirit does give us spiritual giftings and annointings, but that Satan tries to imitate these gifts.

After talking with Tommy for a few weeks, we began to grow close again and he invited me to visit him in Hawaii.  After our history together, I felt that I needed to visit him to somehow ‘make things right’.  I owed him in a way, both for the time he almost visited me, and then again for the time he did visit me… but it went horribly.  I felt that the gesture of my visit would somehow even the scales, and show him that we were meant to be.  I wanted to do a grand Mea Culpa, and prove to him that I was his twin flame.

Even though I was financially broke, I had just received my final dispersement of student loan money for the fall semester.  This meant that I could afford to visit Tommy.  What’s more, if I scheduled the trip a few months from then my foot would be healed up enough to wear normal shoes.  This could work! I thought.  It all felt like my destiny unfolding.  Tommy had also hinted that if I liked it in Hawaii, then I could move there and stay with him.  This was what I had always dreamed about, a man whisking me away to another state and taking care of me.  I began to fantasize about the idea of my life with Tommy in a tropical paradise.  I felt so blessed! I thought God was gifting me the life I had always dreamed about.  I began to make preparations for moving to Hawaii, and each day I became more convinced that Tommy was my Twin Flame.

In order to prepare for the move, I knew I needed to first get in shape to live on an island.  The flight to Hawaii was scheduled for 3 months out so that I could lose the weight to look good for Tommy.  I didn’t quite know how I was going to slim down, what with my foot being only recently healed.  I called my foot doctor, and he approved me to wear special tennis shoes and instead of walking I could ride the exercise bike.  I had about 20 pounds to lose in order to wear a bathing suit, and I was terrified at not looking perfect for Tommy.  My life became all about looking beautiful for my Twin Flame.  I began to limit my food intake, and exercise every day.  I did cellulite treatments, tanning beds, and became quite obsessed with becoming as beautiful as I could be for Tommy.

Meanwhile, Tommy was busy making preparations for my visit too.  When we originally reconnected, he had been living in a tent in someone’s backyard—which was actually more common in Hawaii than I had previously realized.  The tent had a mattress and was very large, but nonetheless Tommy wanted a nicer environment for my visit and hopeful relocation.  Within a month’s time, he found a furnished rental house and a roommate.  This gesture was very endearing to me, and I felt it meant we were supposed to be together.  Tommy seemed serious about preparing for my visit, but I was getting a little nervous about the fact that we didn’t talk about our feelings much.  I got the sense that the whole trip was to see if we were truly compatible, to ‘test the waters’ so to speak.  Because of this uncertainty, I began to become increasingly nervous about seeing Tommy again, and the old worries started haunting my mind that I wouldn’t be good enough for him.  All the old feelings of insecurity rose up in me, just like they had when we first met.

Months went by, and it was finally the month of January—time to fly out to Hawaii to see my twin flame.  Fueled by an excited nervousness, I had actually managed to drop 30 pounds.  This was the thinnest I had been since college, and I truly thought this meant that God was blessing this union with Tommy.  I believed God wanted me to look beautiful for my future husband, and I had read online that other women had lost weight when they met their twin flames. Some of the Twin Flame testimonies even remarked how their physical ailments were improved upon finding their twin flames.  I was hopeful that this true love reunion would do the same for me.  I had also read that the Twin Flame reunion was some sort of mystical experience, and at that time I was confused about mystical Christianity.  The idea of  twin flames also seemed so compatible with Christianity to me at that time, because I viewed it as journeying back to my authentic humanity, back to the Garden of Eden.  I felt Tommy was the man God had created for me, and that the original humans had certain spiritual gifts from God.  I felt that God wanted me to experience this as well.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I was being seduced by the idea of mystical and new-age Christianity.  I hadn’t developed the discernment for that yet, but the Holy Spirit was about to take me on a crash course. 

Still being deceived by the Twin Flame videos and literature online, I believed the lie that my union with Tommy might unlock some other spiritual gifts and blessings for us, and I began to believe that if Tommy and I consummated our love we would be blessed even more with a ‘spiritual convergence’. 

I had not yet been sanctified in this area of pre-marital sex, so the idea of intimacy with a man whom I thought was my future husband seemed safe.  However, God was about to show me why sex was created to be a holy union.  The union of two into one flesh is a spiritual bond, and not to be taken lightly. 

Leading up to my trip was a very spiritually vulnerable time for me.  I didn’t want anything to do with magic or new age, but there were some gray areas I wasn’t so sure about.  The ideas of:  Twin Souls, Crystals, Empaths, Christian psychics (claiming to have messages from the Holy Spirit), Energy healing, and Spirit Animals—all these topics seemed like they could easily fall into the category of mystical Christianity, which I thought was okay at the time.  I was such a young Christian, that I didn’t yet have the discernment to see that this was all deception.  Young Christians, especially ones exiting from the occult truly need support groups to help them understand what is safe and what is not.  However, I know now that God allowed this so that I could clearly understand all these pitfalls of the satanic new age system. 

God was about to slowly peel back every layer of the new age to grow my discernment. 

As the weeks crept closer to my date of departure, I noticed that I was starting to have some real doubts about visiting Tommy.  I still felt he was my twin flame, and I still wanted to witness to him and ‘save him’ from the new-age..but the doubts were growing louder and louder in my mind.  This was the Holy Spirit warning me, but I didn’t realize that back then.  Initially, I tried to silence the doubts because I felt horribly responsible for Tommy’s descent into the new age spirituality.  I felt somehow responsible for introducing him to the tarot cards and mystical practices, and so I naively hoped that I could convince him of the dangers and rescue him from the deception.

However, as the time to visit him drew near I noticed I felt an increasing amount of anxiety at the idea of seeing him.  So, for the first time as a new Christian, I surrendered my decision to Jesus and prayed for an answer.  I wanted to know if visiting and/or moving to Hawaii was God’s will.  I hadn’t actually consulted God before booking the flight, and that was something I was starting to realize was very important.  So, I prayed and waited for a confirmation about my trip.  A few days after praying, I began to notice something odd.  I began to notice that a hawk seemed to be camped out near my mom’s house.  While that wasn’t totally unusual for the countryside of Arkansas, it seemed unusual for the hawk to be so close to the house.  The first week, I saw the hawk perching on a street sign near the mailbox in our yard, then a week later the hawk was sitting on the back of the fence in the backyard.  I was surprised at the proximity of the hawk, because generally these birds of prey don’t come that close to humans.  Then, the very next day I noticed the hawk was positioned on the side of the fence near the garage, and I happened to see him when I was taking out the trash.  As if this weren’t startling enough, I finally encountered the hawk one day when it was perched on the hood of my truck—just sitting there.  I gasped with shock, wondering why on earth the hawk was so intent on hanging around the house.  I couldn’t ignore it when it was preventing me from getting into my car and leaving the house.  I ended up shooing it away so I could run an errand, but it made me wonder why the hawk kept showing up near us.

Being such a new Christian emerging from what I now refer to as the new-age meatgrinder, my spiritual eyes were freshly opened.  The scales had been removed, but I was still unsure of how to test the spirits.  I could see God’s truth, but there were certain things I still needed to learn.  This was one of them.   At that time, I just assumed (wrongly so) that the hawk was a sign from God– telling me I should go to Hawaii.  I was still very much into signs at that point in my faith.  I was still confused at the idea of being connected to the natural world, and I was still blurring the line between Christianity and Shamanism.  This confused me greatly at the time.   

I would later learn that the hawk was not a sign from God..but a trick from Satan to get me hooked on the ideas of signs and nature reverence.  I knew not to worship the created above the Creator..but I still hadn’t figured out that the enemy loves to twist things just a tiny bit to get us confused.  While I certainly believe God gifts us with certain talents to work with animals or nature, God doesn’t want us revering animals or trying to interpret the actions of animals as heavenly signs. 

I would also soon learn that God is not the author of confusion, and that when He answers our prayers, it’s in a direct way.  We will know when God speaks to us and tells us what to do.  God’s answers are backed by His word, and will never contradict what is written in the Bible.  We don’t have to wonder about it, decipher the the signs, etc.  Confusion is not from God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14: Tarot Woman Business

Chapter 14:  Tarot Woman Business

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”   

                —2 Corinthians 11:14

Arriving back home, I noticed that I didn’t feel embarrassed to stay with my mom this time around.

Instead, I felt a divine sense of purpose after my past-life epiphany.  With newfound wisdom, I set out to secure another nanny job and get my life going again.  The plan was to find a roommate, and move out as soon as possible.  In the meanwhile, I decided to revel in my burgeoning spiritual awakening.  I felt like my same old self, but a new and improved version.  The past life regression had unlocked something inside my mind, and it was as if I was a changed woman.  The dark memories from my childhood and the family chaos didn’t seem to affect me this time around.  I was freed from that burden, or so I thought.  I felt a sense of blissful worldliness, as if I had experienced what few do in this lifetime—an enlightened view of my spiritual self.  Maybe this was what the ‘higher self’ was all about, I thought. 

During this time, I had been talking to Fawn on the phone a lot, and I regarded her as one of the few people who understood the true nature of the universe.  We were on a path together to discover the mystical nature of our reality, and we both felt that were truly ‘awoken’.

It wasn’t long until I was ready to begin reading the tarot cards for actual paying clients.  I had been practicing on my friends and family since arriving back home, and everyone was impressed with the accuracy of my readings.  I felt this new power gave me a sense of confidence I had never experienced before.  Riding this wave, I decided to build my own business website.  I didn’t know anything about that kind of thing, and my wrists couldn’t handle a lot of typing, what with my carpel tunnel, but I felt sure I needed to take this step of faith.  My mom agreed to help me, and with both of us working together the website was successfully built.  It wasn’t anything fancy, but it allowed me to create a Myspace page for my new business.  I linked the website to my Myspace page, and then friended a lot of people and businesses.  I named my business ‘Tarot Woman Intuitive Readings’, and I had found a beautiful logo of a woman in a red toga dress, sitting at the edge of a pond.  The woman was holding a lotus flower, and she seemed so wise.  I wanted to be just like the woman in this image.  I also decided to create my first gmail account, and I realized I needed a name for it too.  I decided to call my email ‘crowfeather’.  I felt this was appropriate because the crows had adopted me as one of their own in Seattle. They were definitely my spirit animal.   I truly was a wise woman now, someone with the wisdom from the ancients.  My ancestors from the past life session wanted to help me find my path in the universe.  The old me was passing away, and making room for the new and improved woman I was becoming.  The past life session had really been a turning point for me.  At the time, I thought this was a good thing.

Also around this time, I had participated in my first ‘Map healing’ session with my friend Fawn.  She had taught me how to open the ‘cone of healing’ and call in ‘the ascended masters of the white brotherhood’.  Fawn said these were great enlightened masters from since before time began, and they would be able to assist me in my life.  The deva of nature spirits was a helpful spirit in charge of the natural world of plants, and Fawn informed me that this spirit would be helpful in healing my body of all ailments.  Fawn also told me that every time she opens the cone of healing she would call in Jesus for protection.  She knew channeling was a dangerous activity, so when she opened the ‘cone’ she would ask Jesus to heal her along with the other spirits.  This made sense to me.  As long as Jesus was involved, I figured it would be safe enough.

I would later learn of course, that there is a false Christ in the new age, a version of Jesus that is a counterfeit to the true Light of the World.  Not all things done unto Jesus’s name are the true Jehovah God.  Different spirits masquerade as Jesus, and even some churches have what’s called the Kundalini Spirit–a false holy spirit that seeks to mimic the actual baptism of the Holy Spirit.  You will feel this sense of ‘bliss’, but it’s not from the Lord.  It’s demonic.  

During the Map healing session, I felt peace flowing through me.  It was similar to the past life regression work I had done before, in that afterwards I felt like I was floating in a blissful state of existence.  Everything felt so good.  I thanked Fawn when the session was over.  She then told me that I could do a healing session on myself any time I wanted, and that all I had to do was say the words inside my mind.  I would need to get to a meditative still place inside, but the concept was the same—open the cone and call in the spirits to heal me.  I began to see that this was not much different from praying.  I was asking the spirits to help me, assist me.  Maybe spells were like prayers too, I thought.  It all made sense.  My words were powerful, and I could create any reality I chose.  I thought this was what prayer truly was, the act of forming my world as a co-creator with God.  I began to think how silly the church was for teaching us to ask for God’s will, when we could be creating and manifesting all that our heart desires.

I didn’t realize I was falling for the age-old lie that Satan told to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden:

For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5

Feeling so inspired by this rush of energy and healing from the deva of nature spirits and the ascended masters, I began to wonder what this was all about.  Was the spiritual realm something that I had simply been taught to fear?  Maybe it was my birthright to be able to manipulate the energy around me.  The other realm began to become my friend, something I could use to enhance my life.  I became fascinated with the idea that people could control the elements and the natural world, and I took this as a sign that someone was spiritually powerful.  I too, wanted this power.  I felt ready to finally stop being a victim and take control over my life.

Then, I suddenly thought of my beloved spirit animal, the crow.  There weren’t as many crows in Oklahoma as there had been in Washington, and I had been missing them terribly.  I felt a strong and powerful urge for them to be near me again, to feel the fellowship of my protectors, my guides.  I missed them, needed them with me.  I felt this pulling feeling, as if my whole being was calling the crows to me.  I had no idea what I was doing, or that this was a form of witchcraft and sorcery.  I just knew I needed the crows there and I had called them to me.

The next morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.  I got my mug, and went to the balcony to enjoy my coffee outside.  Upon opening the sliding door, I caught my breath in amazement. There below me was a large group of crows.  There must have been 50 crows on the street below, squawking and milling around.  I couldn’t believe my own eyes! I just sat there mouth open in shock.  What did this mean? I felt like I was finally becoming a powerful and wise spiritual woman.  That was the day I renamed myself ‘Crowfeather’.  I used this as my spiritual name because the crows had indeed chosen me.  That’s what I thought then.

This is the enchanting deception of the shamanic path.  Nature is used to lure us into a magical union with the natural world, and we believe it’s all God doing this.  We believe we can manipulate nature and bend the universe to our will.  This is just a taste to further lure us into sorcery.

It wasn’t long after this, that I began to book gigs as a psychic reader.  I felt my powers growing, and I was ready to help others.  My first gig was at a local art show in my hometown.  I sat up a booth, and had purchased a little sign with the Tarot Woman logo on it—the beautiful picture of the woman in the red dress with the lotus flower.  I sat down, and waited for my first client.  I had decided to do readings for what was called a ‘love donation’—basically whatever the client felt the reading was worth to them.  This worked well at the art show venue, and I found myself reading for at least ten people that night.  I usually received anywhere from $10 to $20 per reading, so I came away with a little over $100 from a few hours worth of psychic readings.

My second gig was at a psychic fair.  It was an annual event held at a local hotel.  Upon arrival, I scanned the room.  There were tables lined up along the walls so that a person could walk through the room and consult with various psychics and spiritualists.  I found the person in charge, and told them I was booked as a Tarot Reader booth.  Tarot readers needed the tarot cards to do the readings; whereas, psychics did not.  I learned that not all tarot readers are legitimate psychics, but if they were skilled readers of the tarot they could still predict the most probable future outcome, based upon where the person was ‘energetically’ at that time.  I didn’t feel confident enough to call myself a psychic yet, so I simply let my clients know that the tarot cards were something that the client’s subconscious is actually choosing, not the reader.  The reader is merely there to interpret the message of the cards.  I would have the clients shuffle their own cards back then, so they would understand I wasn’t doing anything weird or spooky.  I firmly believed we all had our inner destiny locked away in our subconscious, and the tarot symbolism merely helped our brains access this information.

As I sat down at the booth and put my Tarot Woman sign up, I began to feel a little uneasy.  I couldn’t figure out why, so I chalked it up to nerves.   The psychic fair was set to begin in a few minutes, and I was getting my tarot deck ‘cleared’ and ‘charged’.  Before energy work of any kind, practitioners are taught to clear any ‘negative energy’ from themselves or their deck.  They are also taught to protect their energetic bodies and connect or ground so that they will be safe from any ‘psychic attack’.  I was told that crystals also help protect my energy, and also burning sage to clear my chakras and aura was key to doing energy work.  I had no idea how deceived I was.

As soon as my energy was cleared, clients began filing in the room.  My booth quickly became popular because as a first time reader for the psychic fair, I was obligated to charge only a donation for my readings.  The line for my readings became quite long, and I was beginning to feel nervous.  I quickly opened the cone of healing inside my mind, and called in the white brotherhood of ascended masters to help me.  I needed them to help soothe my nerves if I was going to get through this day.  My first client was an administrator from the psychic fair, and her goal was to test me to see if I was a legitimate reader.  The woman asked me about an upcoming job interview, and if it would be a good fit for her.  Nervous, but feeling more peaceful from the cone of healing, I began my process of reading the cards.  One by one, I flipped the cards over and revealed personal information about this woman’s question.  As I began to talk about this job offer, the woman’s eyes became widened.  The information revealed in the reading seemed very shocking to her, but she also seemed pleased.  Suddenly, she stood up and yelled over to the other tables “This woman’s the real deal right here!”  I immediately felt a sense of pride and confidence.  I enjoyed feeling special, like I had a power that someone else didn’t.  Upon hearing that my psychic abilities were legitimate, the line for a reading with me became even longer.

The next few hours were back to back readings, and I began to feel drained.  I had made a good chunk of cash in tips/donations, but I was ready to call it quits.  The administrators told me I could leave at any time, so I began to gather my things and get ready to head out to my car.  As I began to stand up, I suddenly felt very strange.  My head was spinning for some reason, and I felt like my center of gravity wasn’t quite where it should be. I wondered if I was coming down with something.  Suddenly, I felt like I might faint or fall over.  I had never felt faint before, so I didn’t quite know what to do.  A woman in a nearby booth noticed me struggling, and came to my aid.  “Are you okay honey?” she asked.

“I..uh..I don’t know..” I replied frightened.  “I feel strange, like I can’t walk.”

“Oh I bet I know what it is, she said confidently. You got an overdose of psychic energy from the room I think.”

A couple more ladies began to notice how strangely I was acting, and came over to see if I was okay.

“I think I must just be sensitive to all the energy in the room,” I said, nodding to the lady who had clued me in.

The women standing around me suddenly seemed a bit frightened, and I didn’t know quite why.  They started to exchange sideways glances, and suggested I head home to be safe.  One of them offered to walk me to my car, but by this point I was starting to feel a little better so I declined.

When I left the building, I started to feel a little more like myself, but it took a solid few hours to fully recover from whatever had happened.  That day made an impression on me, and I began to wonder if I wanted to be a psychic reader as a career.  If I was that sensitive to energy, then I would have to rethink this.

Of course, now I know that the energy in the room was demonic.  That combined with other psychics in the room calling upon other entities was most likely an overload of demonic warfare in the room.  Most of the readers thought they were calling on angelic guides and/or goddesses, but we would soon learn that Satan masquerades as an angel of light. 

The Watchmen

The other night, I was getting ready to turn in for sleep..but first I wanted to read my Bible for a bit.  In the last 5 months, I have been reading whole books of the Bible (instead of flipping through it in hopes that God would ‘magically’ send me a word of wisdom).  I learned that flipping through the Bible in this way is called Bibliomancy--essentially treating the Word of God like a tarot deck or any divination device.  So, for the past months I had been learning to read entire chapters and really study the word.  It’s a supernatural book, and when I began to read it..God began to bless me in my heart.  I’ve been taken to new levels in my walk with Christ, and shown areas in my life that He wants to heal and grow me.  There are blessings from reading the Word..and there’s also spiritual warfare against us to do so.  It was surprisingly difficult to sit down and read the Bible…but once I started I began to see the changes in my life.

So like I said…the other night I was comfortable in bed and ready to doze off.  Yet, first I had to read a bit of the book of Isaiah that I was currently studying.  I turned the Bible  to Isaiah, but for some reason one of my ‘bookmarks’ (that’s what I call the bits of paper and notes I stuff in my Bible) had been what I thought was ‘randomly’ placed in another book…and this caused me to ‘accidentally’ turn to Ezekial instead of Isaiah.

Not wanting to have any part with ‘bibliomancy’ as I had in the past, I tried to quickly turn the page back to the book of Isaiah…but the Holy Spirit said to stay on that page.  I felt this nudging to read that page.  Again, I really didn’t want to because I wanted NOTHING to do with treating the Bible like a divination tool.  Yet…God was asking me to read the page…so I did.

I read the words of the book of Ezekial 33:1 that said ‘Renewal of Ezekial’s Call as Watchman’…and I knew God was about to tell me something big.

The book said… “The word of the Lord came to me:  Son of man, speak to your people and say to them:  ‘When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not heed the warning and the sword comes and takes their life, their blood will be on their own head.  Since they heard the sound of the trumpet but did not heed the warning, their blood will be on their own head.  If they had heeded the warning, they would have saved themselves.  But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes someone’s life, that person’s life will be taken because of their sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for their blood.”

As I sat there and read the words, I knew God was speaking to me.  I had been feeling for many months that things were changing in the world.  Wars and rumors of wars, the great falling away of the church with false teachers and seeker friendly apostate churches, occult activities like yoga and rheiki embraced by many churches, men becoming lovers of themselves with self worship, the sex trafficking and abuse of billions of children in this world….and most recently God pouring his Spirit down on us and people dreaming dreams and thousands turning to Jesus after having life changing encounters with the Living God….  This is big guys! Back in 2014/15, God began to pull thousands of people out of occult activities.  There are many testimonies of how God has been pouring out His spirit on the world.  It is quite simply miraculous!

All these signs and more had been tormenting me.  I’ve been seeing the writing on the wall now for many months, yet receiving a clear call from the Lord to warn people was a bit jarring at first.  My stomach dropped to the floor as I began to process what this meant. I’m not claiming to be a prophet of any kind, but God asked me to be a Watchman–which means to me that I have a warning to give.  God wants me to warn others that Judgement is near, and we need to draw close to the Lord and Repent of our sins and any worldliness.  We need to come out of the world and be set apart for the coming hour.  I don’t know how soon or when God’s judgement will come, or how…and again I’m not a prophet.  I just know that God wants me to somehow warn others that Judgement is real and to be prepared for it.  

I wrestled with this for a few days, and prayed for the Lord to show me how to warn people and what message to give them.

Nobody knows when the events will begin, but after receiving this Word from the Lord I learned there are other Watchmen receiving this exact same Word. This was confirmed for me by the witness of other brothers and sisters in Christ. 

I got the sense that God was telling me I had to warn everyone that He was about to show up in a big way, and that it was time to come out of the world.

If you have not given your life to Jesus…you didn’t visit this site by accident.  Talk to God now.  Repent of your sins and ask Him to show you Who He is.  God will never abandon you if you truly seek Him with all your heart.

 

The Watchmen

Spiritual Attacks

When I was 19 years old, I had my first spiritual attack.  I was taking a nap,  and suddenly I felt a heavy weight on my chest. I couldn’t breathe or wake up.  I had been raised as a Christian, and taught to call on the name of Jesus if anything like this happened..but as it often happens in nightmares, I was frozen in silence.  A stereotypical shadowy figure appeared to the right side of the bed.  I finally struggled to squeak out “In the name of Jesus Christ, Flee!”  The image was instantly gone, and I was awake..but my hands were pressing very firmly against my neck, and I woke up choking myself.  This was the first time I knew there was a dark spiritual realm.  At the time, I didn’t think much of it.  I heard some people call my experience a ‘Night Terror’, but I was there..and I wasn’t satisfied with that explanation.  The other piece to this story is that as a young child, I had been erroneously taught that a person only gets attacked when they are religious, so I thought I would be safe if I stopped praying.  So, after this choking attack, I strayed even further from God, ironically trying to avoid danger.  This, of course led me down a much more spiritually dangerous path.

The second attack happened when I was in my late 20s, and it was again while I was asleep. I woke up, and the first thing I saw were small dark figures scurrying up the wall very fast, and then they were gone.  I was sleeping on my stomach, and I looked to my right, and saw a giant man in a rocking chair. He was wearing a white suit, and had white hair. I thought he was an angel at the time, but he scared me.  My first thought was that I didn’t particularly enjoy having a giant man in a rocking chair in my bedroom, but I was reminded of when I was a little girl and my mom told me I saw a man in our backyard dressed all in white, with a white suit and white hair.  So, thinking this giant man in my bedroom was an angel, I didn’t get too scared.  Knowing what I know now, I suspect this entity to be a demon.  satan does appear as an angel of light to confuse us.   This was my first experience with that.  Something I don’t understand about this attack was that my cat was sitting firmly on my back, and refused to move.  I’ve wondered about this ever since. I still believe my cat saw the dark entities, and was trying to protect me.  Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think my cat has any power whatsoever to protect me from demons.  I did at the time though.  I still find it an endearing story that maybe she wanted to protect me.  Another interesting thing about this attack was that it happened the night before I was set to move to Seattle.  Seattle has a high concentration of divination and wiccan followers.  I had been drawn to living there as well.  Leading up to this move, I had been curious about tarot and psychic powers for some time, and  had been studying the cards, with all their symbolism. These were ancient symbols, that had many meanings in our subconscious I was told.  I never suspected these symbols could be dangerous.  I also started reading Marion Zimmer Bradley’s book ‘The Mists of Avalon’, and I became very interested in the idea of ‘The Goddess’.  I decided to buy some Runes for divination as well.  I finally felt like I was in control of my own destiny. I didn’t have as much anxiety any more because I could do a reading for myself about my future. I never suspected the tarot deck wasn’t telling the truth.

The third time I was attacked was really scary,  but I didn’t see any dark entities this time.  Instead, I was attacked in my thoughts. I was living with roomates in Seattle, and I remember feeling like something sinister wanted me to cut my wrists with the kitchen knives. I recognized this attack on my thoughts, even at that time. I called on Jesus and it stopped, but I was still triggered and afraid.  I had no faith at the time, just the knowledge that the name of Jesus was powerful.  A few months later, I saw another white light entity.  The entity had flowing hair like silver wind, and I thought maybe it was a goddess of some sort.  I had no idea that demons masquerade as angels of light.  I had no idea that satan can trick us like that.  I remember thinking this vision of a light being was confirmation I was on the right path in seeking the goddess. I thought the vision came from God.

The fourth time I was attacked, was when I had just turned 30.  I was still living in Seattle, and I had just bought a new tarot deck from a metaphysical bookstore.  I had an uncomfortable feeling about the deck because it seemed to work better than any other deck that I’d had.  I felt that it had some sort of life of its own, so to speak.  A few weeks later in the middle of the night, I had another dream where I couldn’t wake up and I couldn’t breathe.   I had a harder time calling on Jesus, as I hadn’t been close to God since I was in my teens.  I finally called out “Jesus help me”, and I woke up.  This time I wasn’t choking myself,  but instead I was face down with my head in the pillow.  I was gasping for air, almost smothered.  This attack really got under my skin.  Being that I was in the new age, and didn’t go to church at the time, I called the store where I bought the tarot deck.  I asked the store owner about spiritual attacks and what she thought I should do.  She seemed really uncomfortable discussing it, but I was persistent.  She finally suggested that I cut up the deck into tiny pieces, and say the name ‘Archangel Michael’ for protection.  I was relieved to have a course of action, and I remember feeling like I was in control of the attacks for the first time.   I didn’t know of course that this was not enough to protect me, and that the attacks would get far worse when I tried to leave the new age.

A couple months later, I moved back home to my midwestern town.  Since I had taken a tarot course while living up in Seattle,  I felt ready to start a business in my hometown where I would read professionally for clients.  I read from home and at corporate events, and experienced some success.  I  had several clients and friends who were fascinated by the readings and would call me a ‘seer.’  I remember feeling like finally God had blessed me with this gift to help others.  I had learned all about charging my tarot deck with crystals, cleansing it from psychic energies by burying it or placing it outside during a full moon.  I learned about keeping it under my pillow to absorb my own energy.  I never once thought of it as some sort of portal to the spirit world, even though now I know that’s exactly what it was.  I believed the lie:  that we all are born knowing our path, and that our higher self has this wisdom.  I didn’t suspect the higher self was a lie,  and that satan loves to use these things to appear as truth.  I saw other Christian psychics or Christian tarot readers using angel decks, so I thought it was all fine.

Flash forward several years later. I had progressed in my spiritual path, and had begun calling myself a Christian witch.  I wanted to blend my belief in Jesus with the occult.  I had no idea that was not the way.  I was desperately searching for the truth about God, but felt the church did not have any answers.  They would just be mean or judgemental.  I had some unpleasant experiences at a church when I was a child where I was forced to speak in tongues, and I also had a babysitter who called me a slut for wearing a mini skirt.  So, like a lot of people do, I swore off all churches because of this.  I felt anger towards Christians, and this anger began to grow.  I was trying to heal from trauma in my childhood, and so I had been practicing  Tai Chi, and had received Reiki healing sessions, and any other energy healing I saw.  I never suspected satan would hijack this or deceive someone who was trying to find God.  I got into something called map healing, which was opening a channel to heal yourself, and you would call in different spirits for a personal energy session. I had no clue how dangerous that was. I then decided to form something called a goddess circle, which was basically a coven.  I formed the coven with some of my tarot clients.  We felt like we were doing spells to empower us.  I did spells for a couple years with these two women and one other group.  I felt like I was finally liberated and doing something mystical and fascinating.  I was also calling psychics weekly, and always asking when I would find love.  After a couple years, I felt tired of all the spells and ‘manifesting’ good things in my life.  It all started to drain me.  I decided to move out of my town to stay with my mother in the country.  This marked the beginning of my new life.  I remember the day everything changed. My 39th birthday.

 

I hadn’t said a real prayer that wasn’t a spell in many years. If I did, the prayer was always something I wanted and hoped God would send to me, a specific outcome. This time instead, I prayed :

God my life isn’t working. Please make me into the woman YOU wanted me to be. I’m done.”

 

I had asked for God’s will, instead of my own.  I had never done that before.  I had to get to that place where I acknowledged that my will wasn’t making me happy, and that God’s will was perfect.  If I truly wanted to find my identity and the truth about God, I had to ask for His help.  That changed everything, but it took a while.

A year later, I gave my life to Jesus one day (that’s a whole separate story I talk about in Chapter 29 of my blog), but even after I was born-again I experienced spiritual warfare in a different way. Satan attacks strongly when someone leaves the occult.  The attacks were against my mind and mental state, trying to get me to be hateful or angry towards my mom, trying to get me to feel crazy, and trying to lure me right back into occult practices.  I was able to recognize these thought attacks for what they were and rebuke them in Jesus’s name.  My mom was the only parent I had left, and if I drove her away I would be totally alone; Satan knew all this.  The attacks on my mind had a lot of power this time.  I was afraid I would actually lose my sanity for a bit there.  That’s when I knew I needed to find a church.  I had broken my foot two separate times, and couldn’t drive myself, so I had my mom drive me to church.  The minute I went to church and began to lift my voice in praise to Jesus…the attacks on my mind all stopped.  JUST STOPPED.

After church, I confessed all my sins of dabbling in the occult, asked forgiveness for each of them, and repented from them.  I repented of all the sins of spiritism: (tarot, energy work, reiki, witchcraft, even tai chi, yoga, and meditation).  I did rebuking prayers.  I read my Bible, and a year later I was baptized.

It took years for the anger to be healed and for the sanctification process to be complete, but that’s another blog for another day.  I had a lot to learn from the Holy Spirit, and that took time.  It’s a daily walk with Jesus now.

I’m writing this blog now because I thought I was all alone going through the demonic attacks.  A few years later, I found out that God had been pulling others out of new age deception.  I’m writing this blog to let you know that: wherever you are, you are not alone in this.  Demons are real, and there is a war for your soul.  It’s all true.  God is bringing people out of satanic deception.  Jesus cares about you and wants to help.  You only have to ask Him for help, and He will!  He has specific plan for your life!

If you want extra online support: There is an online group on facebook called Reasons for Jesus.  It’s helpful to have support when you first get out of this deception. I recommend finding a church that is safe.  There’s deception in the church as well with false prophets.  Pray the Holy Spirit will give you discernment to know, and read your Bible.  The word of God is protection.

You will go through a gradual sancification process, and hopefully no one will judge you for that.  If they do, keep praying and drawing closer to Jesus.  Walking as a disciple of Jesus isn’t about other Christians, just about following God.

There are also some youtube videos that former new-age author, Doreen Virtue has done to help those exiting the new age.  Jesus really does love you and pursued you! You are protected from attacks by the armor of God:  Ephesians 6:11:   I say it out loud every day.  You will need this armor.

When you ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life, and you acknowledge He is the son of God, you need to repent and confess your involvement in the occult. Confessing sins and repenting (turning away from sins) is part of asking forgiveness and letting the Holy Spirit indwell in you and make you a new creation in Christ.  Another piece of resisting the devil is forgiving your enemies and those who have wronged you or hurt you in your past (including childhood abuse). This takes time, and God will help you with this. All these things remove spiritual bondage and strongholds (demonic oppression), and as long as you stop sinning (drinking, drugs, fornication) the devil will flee from you. God will be sanctifying you, and like layers of an onion the Lord will show you all areas where you need to surrender to God’s will instead of your own will. This takes time. You don’t have to be perfect, just listen to the Lord and read your Bible. Finding a good church is very important in your walk with the Lord. You need to let God direct you as to which church is safe and has good theology, and this also takes time…but you need to be at church.

 

****I would warn against seeking out ‘Deliverance Minister’s’ to cast demons out of you. Myself and many others have had bad experiences with this, and this is very similar to new age witchcraft. If God is leading you to have someone bind the devil and pray over you, please find a good minister or visit the new age to Jesus groups online. There will be someone there willing to pray with you. You don’t need an elaborate ritual to be freed from demonic strongholds. Jesus will break those chains of the enemy, but having a pastor pray with you to bind satan is always a good thing.*****

 

 

Thank you for reading and I hope this blesses someone today!