Shamanic Magic Lies-Chp. 12

CHAPTER 12:  Shamanic Magic Lies

“Seers will be put to shame. Those who practice witchcraft will be disgraced. All of them will cover their faces, because God won’t answer them.”–Micah 3:7

The last week in Seattle was a whirlwind of events.  I had to figure out a lot of details if I was going to move back home.  First and foremost, I wasn’t sure how I was going to navigate the summertime heat.  I couldn’t exactly drive home because even in a car, the air conditioning didn’t always cool the vehicle down on a really hot day.  I considered driving at night, but decided that sounded too complicated.

Panicking, I decided to reach out to my first-love from college, James.  We had parted as friends, and agreed to call each other if we ever needed.  Well, this was one situation where I truly needed an ally.  I didn’t consider asking Tommy for help, not after how I’d rejected him years ago.  No. I needed someone with whom I had history, and that’s exactly what James and I had.  I was also a bit embarrassed that my life was unraveling yet again, and I felt like it wouldn’t be hugely appealing if I called Tommy during a messy place in my life.  Instead, I only wanted to present myself as a powerful and strong woman to him.  I decided that calling James was the best choice, as he had already seen me at my worst and had loved me once.

After telling James about my predicament, I was amazed that he graciously offered to fly to Seattle and help me.  He had even offered to drive my car back home to Oklahoma for me, and in return I would pay for all his gas.  He said he felt guilty for not understanding my health issues regarding the heat stroke, and he had been experiencing some recent health problems of his own.  I got the sense he wanted to make amends, and I was very grateful at how this was all working out.  With James on the way to Seattle, I decided to purchase a plane ticket for my return home.  I was going to fly my cat and myself back to Oklahoma.  All the arrangements had been made, and I could relax a bit.

Two days later, I picked up James from the airport.  His flight arrived late in the evening, and I had already begun planning some fun events for his itinerary while in Seattle.  Eager to show him the sights, I had heard that the Starlight bookstore was hosting a shamanic healing ceremony the next day, and I couldn’t believe my good fortune.  This seemed like a perfect chance to show him some of the spiritual paths I had been exploring.  He had agreed that it sounded interesting, and replied that he was always up for something new.  James was an agnostic intellectual type, but he somehow didn’t feel threatened by the idea of shamanism or new-age style spirituality.

When we got to the bookstore the next day, there were 8 people gathered in the back conference room, and we were told to sit down to form a circle.  We sat down in formation, and awaited instruction.  Most of us looked clueless but excited to be participating in something interesting.  Then, a sage bundle was passed around the circle and we were encouraged to blow the smoke around each other to cleanse our energies.  This was an important element of the new age, ‘saging’ oneself or the house to remove negative entities.

I would discover years later that nothing rebukes demons except the name of Jesus Christ, but back then I believed in the many rituals designed to protect me.  The trouble was, these rituals never did protect me at all.  They were all part of the lie. 

Suddenly Jess, the owner of the store, entered the back room carrying a pink candle in her hands.  She told us that we were going to do a special manifestation ceremony.  We were supposed to think of one thing that we wanted most in our lives, and then etch it onto the candle with a pencil.  The candle was then passed around the circle, and each person carved their one wish into the candle wax, careful not to write over someone else’s wish.  I decided to write down the word acceptance, hoping it would bring me true peace about my childhood and the trauma I couldn’t seem to forget.  Then, Jess brandished a large wooden stick of some kind.  The stick had been decorated with ribbons and different colorful items.  It was called a ‘spirit stick’, and we were going to pass it around the circle and chant something while the candle was burning.  The words for the chant were sent around the circle for us to read and then speak them in unison.  I was surprised the words mentioned something called ‘White Buffalo Woman’, which was a Native American goddess I had recently been reading about.  I took this as another sign I was on the right spiritual path.

When everyone was finished writing their intentions upon the candle, Jess ignited the wick, and we all began to chant in the circle.  We were all smiling and having a wonderful time, and after the ceremony was complete Jess picked up the candle and informed the group that she would be burying it in her backyard under the full moon that night.  She educated us that burying the candle in the earth under a full moon would allow our wishes to be charged with the full power of the moon’s rays.

Looking back, I had just participated in my first ‘goddess circle’, which was essentially a witches’ coven, and I had just performed what wiccans call ‘candle magic’.  To top it off, we had invoked assistance from a ‘goddess’ called White Buffalo Woman, but it just seemed like a harmless ritual to me back then.

I didn’t understand that pagan rituals called on other gods that were actually demons.

At that time, I was fascinated with how Native spirituality seemed so similar to Wicca.  Not all wiccans did spells, and not all Native Americans did them either.  However, I wanted to learn what these spells and rituals were all about.  They promised to reveal the secrets that had been hidden.  Who were the ancestors, the helpful spirit guides?  What was shapeshifting? I wondered.  Could I become a shaman and shape-shift?  It all fascinated me.  Again, I didn’t really see this at odds with Jesus then, mainly because the Native spiritual books mentioned something called Christ Consciousness, and because of that I felt this was safe.  Jesus performed powerful signs and wonders, and so Jesus must have known all about these mystical practices.  I wanted to learn the truth about this.  I had read that Jesus declared we would be able to walk on water just like He did, so maybe the church had intentionally hid this esoteric information from humans so we couldn’t have that same power.  Didn’t Jesus want us to be like Him? I rationed.

I would later learn that the ancestors and spirit guides were all demons masquerading as angels of light.

What’s more, the notion of Jesus as a shaman, light-worker, yogi, or mystic is what’s called ‘Christ Consciousness’–the idea that Jesus ascended to achieve Enlightenment, and that we can all use mystical practices to do the same.  This is not the real Jesus at all.  The real Jesus asked us to humble ourselves to the will of God and repent of our sins to enter heaven.  The Christ Consciousness made Jesus out to be yet another ‘enlightened being’ who we could be on the same level as him. 

     This very concept of enlightened knowledge wasn’t from the Bible. It was from spirits claiming to be angels, yet denying and twisting the word of the Lord.  The enlightened knowledge that Siddhartha and others received from meditation is not from Jehovah God; it is from the imitation kingdom of Lucifer.

I mistakenly assumed that I could blend eastern mystical belief systems with my belief in Jesus, and that would result in the same path to ‘heavenly knowledge’.  I thought as long as the word if someone used the word ‘Christian’ or talked about Jesus…then it must be of God.  I was about to learn how wrong I was in my thinking.

 

After the ritual, I was very surprised to see that James actually enjoyed himself.  He had a huge grin on his face afterwards, and I was so pleased we had found something new and fun that reunited us as friends.  As we were processing what just happened, I recognized someone I know from my Tarot class.  Her name was Fawn, and she and her husband Jerry were both at the ceremony.  I didn’t have the courage to strike up a friendship with her before then, but I felt emboldened now that I had a friend with me.  After I introduced them to James, we all began to talk and realized how much we had in common.  So, when I told Fawn that I only had a few days left in Seattle, she seemed disappointed.  She told me that she wanted to create a meaningful farewell experience for me in my last days there, and that I should call her tomorrow. Moved by that gesture, we agreed to meet up the next day.

The next morning, James and I decided to walk up the street to the nearby coffee shop for breakfast.  We took the giant outdoor staircase which led us to the back alleyway.  It was a shorter walk to the shop from there.  We spent the morning enjoying our coffee and donuts and chatting about how interesting the shamanic circle experience had been for us, when suddenly I remembered I needed to call Fawn.  Stepping outside, I made the call and Fawn answered the phone with a cheery greeting.  “Michal! Blessings, it’s so great to hear from you.  I have a plan for your departure.  Do you have a pen and paper to write something down?”  She then gave me a number for a woman in Bellevue who performs past life regressions, and Fawn had already paid for the session as a gift to me.  All I needed to do was schedule the appointment.  I remember feeling so grateful I had met Fawn, and also a little sad to be leaving now that I had a good friend.  I hung up the phone, and went back inside the coffee shop to tell James the good news.

As it happened, I called the number Fawn gave me, and the past-life practitioner had an opening that very day at 3pm.  How fortuitous! I thought.  I had never done anything quite like this before, and I was very excited to find out more about who I really was in my past life.  I felt this woman would finally show me the answers to what I had been searching for.  Maybe she could heal the past pain in my family line, the curses of abuse and fear.  I hoped she could, and I was very eager to see her.

     In the new age, it seemed like people were helping me and wanted to be my friend. This sense of peer approval was very addictive, and only served to reinforce the deception. 

 

James and I finished our coffee, and decided to drive out to Bellevue for the past-life session.  As I entered the practitioner’s office, I immediately felt comforted by all the Native American décor on the walls.  I myself felt sure I had Native American lineage, and I speculated that I had come from a long line of wise medicine women.  The practitioner then had me lay down on the therapy table, which looked much like a massage table.  She seemed very nice and non-threatening, so I opened up to her right away.   She then began to ask me a series of questions, nothing special per say, just questions about myself and my life.  I began to tell her a bit about my issues with men and finding true love.  I desperately wanted to find an answer to why I couldn’t seem to have a successful relationship.  Then, she grew quiet and began to meditate.  She asked me to lie still and focus inwardly on what I saw.  At first, I didn’t see anything at all, and so I thought maybe I should try to concentrate harder.

 

Then, suddenly I began to see an image form in my mind…

 

 I saw an image of a bowl on the ground, an antique bowl made from some sort of stone, and it had red flower petals inside of it.  The bowl had fallen to the ground, and all the petals inside of it had scattered onto the street.  I suddenly became aware that the woman was me in the past, and she was humiliated.  I looked up from the ground and saw a man on a horse, and he wouldn’t help her.  Her beautiful flower petals were strewn all over the cobblestone street, and he just stared coldly at her, then rode away.  I suddenly felt a profound sadness inside me, but then it was not my sadness; it was the woman who held the bowl.  She was grieving something, and her heart was breaking. 

     Then, I saw an image of a heart beating fast.  It was bloody, blood red, and it fell to the floor like the flower petals.  She had been cast aside, tossed out like garbage.  Her bloody beating heart was cast aside as if it was nothing.  I was grieving for her, and my heart was in such pain from these images.  Just when I couldn’t bear any more sadness, another image appeared.  Now, I saw an old woman.  She had piercing eyes that stared at me with an intensity that gave me chills.  I didn’t know what she was trying to tell me.  She was sitting down on something when she began to shake her legs and feet upwards at me somehow.  I didn’t know what it all meant, just that she was trying to tell me something.  Suddenly, the woman rolled over.  She covered herself with a blanket, and passed away.  She had died right there in my vision.

 

Finally, I couldn’t take any more of this, and so I sat up on the table, back in the office.  The practitioner looked at me, calm and serene.  I then began to tell her what I had just seen.  As I began to tell the story of the broken-hearted woman, the practitioner finished my sentences.  She had somehow seen the flowers and the bloody heart on the ground too.  How could that be I wondered?  I then told her about the old woman, and how she just rolled over and died, withered away under her blanket. 

The practitioner told me what I already knew to betrue’ (which was really a LIE from Satan):  that both of those women were ‘me’ in a past life.  The old woman was trying to tell me to live life and not hide under the covers in fear of truly experiencing love.  I had been so afraid of getting hurt again that I had become like that old woman.  I let love’s pain break me.  I remember at that very moment realizing my love life and all the failures weren’t my fault at all.  They weren’t a result of the choices I’d made.  Instead, I had been a part of a legacy of women who had been hurt by men, and I had to break the pattern. 

Suddenly all this ‘truth’ began to click for me.  I began to believe this vision and regarded it as ‘divine’ wisdom.

I would later learn it was all part of the deception from Satan. This woman was called a ‘Past Life Practitioner’, but she was in reality she was a Medium allowing demons to speak through her. 

     God’s truth was counterfeited to blend half-truths and twisted bits of personal information about me to sound like the whole truth.   At the time, I had no idea that familiar spirits (demons) are assigned to family lines, and can study us and know intimate details.  Mediums can then channel this demonic wisdom and seem like they are giving you hidden information. I had a lot to learn about the new age before finding the Truth.  I would also later learn that the Bible specifically addresses this as an abominable sin.

When the session was over, I thanked the practitioner profoundly.  I asked her if she would accept a tip, and she refused saying that my friend Fawn had paid her in full. I left the office, and went back to the car where James had been patiently waiting.  I told him what happened in the past-life regression, and he listened intently.  I was surprised that he didn’t give me a hard time about it, being that this wasn’t really his sort of thing.  Instead, he seemed to be legitimately interested in what I was saying.

 

 

 

 

I remember leaving the woman’s office that day feeling different, almost like I was floating on a cloud.  I felt altered in some way, but in a good way, like I just had a massage or drank a couple glasses of wine.  It was pleasant.  I felt a blissful sort of peace pulsing throughout my very being. This was the false high of the demonic healing, but I would later see the true face of this ‘bliss’. 

The next day rolled around, and it was my last full day before I had to catch my plane.  Fawn had scheduled a lunch with us to celebrate and discuss how the past life session went.  So, James and I drove over to meet Fawn and her husband Jerry for a bite to eat.  I told her all about the interesting floaty blissful feeling I had after the session, and she confirmed it was the same for her.  Fawn said that I should expect to feel differently for a while, and that was just my neurons rewiring themselves to include the new DNA memories of my past life.  It felt so great to have Fawn explain it that way, and I never thought I had done anything dangerous or demonic at that time.  I just thought the past life practitioner had a natural gift of ‘sight’ to see what I was seeing, and I didn’t know anything about familiar spirits or spirit guides at that time.  In my mind, I had just received a psychic healing from a wise woman who had powers to bring forth buried memories in my subconscious, ancestral memories.

That was how it was all framed for me, similar to hypnotherapy.  I thought entering into a trance state wasn’t that big of a deal since hypnotherapy was part of psychology.  Had I been told that I was having a session with a ‘medium’ who was ‘channeling’ spirits to show me a lie from a demon…well, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to do anything like that.

Therein lies the seductive power of the new age.  It takes ancient pagan practices forbidden in the Bible for good reason, and it repackages them in new language so that they seem like hidden wisdom meant to heal us and elevate us into ‘higher consciousness’.  These are all beautiful lies that sound great and tickle our ears, but in reality hide the deeper darkness therein. 

After lunch with Fawn and Jerry, we all decided to go on a little road-trip to the mountains.  Fawn wanted to show me some of the most ‘magical’ places in the city.  She took us all up to a view in the mountains called Hurricane Ridge, and we had to drive up a long winding mountain road for what seemed like an eternity to get there.  The vista was breathtaking, and there were huge bits of misty clouds that actually touched the ground.  I remember thinking the mists had a life of their own as they moved along the earth.  How lucky I was to notice these things in the spiritual realm.  We took some pictures, and walked around a bit.  It was difficult to walk too much though, because the altitude was so high.

Next, Fawn took us on a ferry ride—my first ferry ride ever.   She really wanted to show me a humpback whale, because I had told her that one of my life goals was to see one of these majestic creatures.  We rode around on the ferry for a good hour, but we didn’t end up seeing one that day.  We had a blast regardless.  Before the day was over, Fawn taught me about orbs, which were little angelic spirits that sometimes appeared in pictures as tiny bubbles, she said.  She taught me about so many things that day, and ended up gifting me one of her books about something called MAP Healing.  This was where you opened a ‘cone of healing’ inside your mind, and called in something named the White Brotherhood of Ascended Masters and the Deva of Nature Spirits to do a healing session on you.  She then gave me one of her large ‘earth keeper’ crystals that I should use when I opened the cone of healing.  I had no idea what this was all about, but it sounded fascinating.

I wanted healing from all my issues, and energy work was the next big thing in my opinion.  The healthcare world just couldn’t find the answers I needed.  Maybe my heat issues could finally be fixed.  I remember being so overwhelmed with love from Fawn, and I felt she was a big sister to me and helping me in so many ways.  She wanted healing too, and she felt she was giving me all the tools I would need to go back to Tulsa and live my best life, free from the past and any pain I had experienced.  That was always the goal, to not dwell in the past but to heal it and move forward, always moving forward to reach higher and higher states of vibration and consciousness.

Years later, I would find out from the Holy Spirit exactly what the ‘Cone of Healing’ and ‘Ascended Masters’ really were, but at this moment in time I was happy in my ignorance.  The world of mystical healing was beautiful then.  Lovely goddesses and spirits who wanted to help us on this earth.  I was enamored with this sparkling magical world.

It wouldn’t be until years later that I would finally see the True face of these spirits. They were not really my allies at all, quite the opposite.

 

 

 

 

 

Native Spirituality Warning

“Is the “Great Spirit” the same as the Holy Spirit of the Bible? * * What are Native Spirituality practices such as, vision quests, shamanism, sweat lodge ceremonies, dream catchers * * What is the Native “Renewal”? * * Can cultures be redeemed? * * How Native Spirituality & the Emerging Church Are on the Same Path

Description: Many Christians see no problem combining the beliefs and practices of Native American Spirituality with their view of Christianity. But Nanci Des Gerlaise knows differently. Raised on a Metis settlement with fifteen brothers and sisters, Nanci’s childhood and young adult life was riddled with terrors that come with being the daughter and granddaughter of medicine men. Muddy Waters tells the story of this Cree Native American woman, who after years of struggle, oppression, and spiritual darkness found light and truth in the One who offered her freedom.

But Muddy Waters is not just a biography. It delves deeply into the framework of Native Spirituality. While Native American Christians are looking for a great spiritual awakening within the First Nations/Native American groups–by incorporating Native Spirituality practices into their Christianity–right under their noses, a massive worldwide deception is swiftly surging forward. Partly in overcompensation for very real injustices committed against Native Americans, Native Spirituality has become politically correct inasmuch as traditional biblical Christianity is on a fast track to becoming politically incorrect. Sadly, in the process, the Gospel, which is “the power of God unto salvation” (Romans 1:16) is being pushed aside, as if it were to blame–leaving countless numbers of people–both Native American and non-Native–without the sure hope that only comes through knowing Jesus Christ.”

muddy-waters

 

 

Here’s the link to check it out:

https://www.lighthousetrails.com/discernment-books/206-muddy-waters.html?fbclid=IwAR09X9GdeO-IdYMdWrKtcEZThOSISvo5YVEFLm2fAWan00QKIRHlVdZRar8

Chapter 30: Twin Flame Lies

Chapter 30:  Twin Flame Lies

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”–1 John 4:1 

Being a new Christian, I was about to learn that Satan attacks most ferociously during the time when a believer is first coming to Christ.  New believers haven’t been grounded in the authority of Jesus, and don’t know the word of the Lord as the Sword of the Spirit, so they are very vulnerable to spiritual warfare.

The good news was that I was done with the heavy demonic oppression, and that was never to come back again, but I was about to endure spiritual warfare in a different way. 

I would later learn that God allows this to build discernment in His children.  God had many lessons to teach me, and even though they were not easy I now count it all Joy–Joy in the Lord through the chastisement, Joy in the Lord through the trials.  It was all meant for me to be refined and grown up in the Truth..and I was about to have more scales removed from my eyes to see God’s truth first-hand.

No sooner than the heavy demonic oppression on my mind lifted, did Satan start to rear his ugly head in attempt to ensnare me in yet another deception–the lies of the Twin Flame Soulmate.  It all started a couple months after being born-again.  I was still wearing the boot cast, but my ‘bone bruise’ was feeling much better and I had a lot more mobility.  With the ability to walk around the house more, I was doing laundry one afternoon when out of nowhere I had a thought about Tommy.  I suddenly felt a very strong urge to contact him.  He was one of the few men I had met in my life that claimed to be a Christian, so at the time I thought God was leading me back to a partner who would be a good choice for me.  I wanted to date a believer, so I could be equally yolked, as I was learning this was of extreme importance for me spiritually.  I didn’t want to be with anyone who would pull me away from the truth of Jesus, and I thought Tommy would be someone with whom I could share my faith.

Feeling this powerful urge to connect with Tommy, I decided to look him up online. I was able to find him, so I reached out to him and apologized for everything that happened in the past.  I felt that I was in the wrong, so I wanted to extend an olive branch.  He said he forgave me, and was happy to hear from me.  I thought this all meant it was God’s will that we reconnect.  Through our conversation, he told me he was still living in Hawaii, and that he had created a new life for himself, and was now going by a new spiritual name.  I learned that he was very involved in the shaman community in Hawaii, and that he participated in many sweat lodges and spirit journeys with the drug called Ayahuasca—a powerful psychedelic that induces visions.  He told me that he had been doing spiritual healing sessions as a side-job, and really enjoyed helping people.

You would think that I would have realized right then and there that Tommy was not a Christian at all, and that I needed to run away from this because it was literally everything from which I had just escaped.  However, there was this strong pull inside me to ‘help’ him…and I couldn’t turn away.  All these warning signs registered with me, but somehow I felt that I was supposed to reconnect with Tommy and share what God had done in my life.

At that time, I still believed the ‘true love vision’ I received years ago was from the Lord… but I would soon discover that the vision had been a deception from Satan the entire time. 

Still believing this vision was from God, I was determined to help Tommy and bring him out of the new age.  I felt that God wanted me to witness to him, and then we could be together forever.  I had no idea that God does not unite two people who are unequally yolked.  Instead, I believed the Twin Flame Lie that Tommy and I had some sort of spiritual purpose on the planet—one that we had to unite to achieve.  I thought all these ideas were from the Most High at the time, but I was about to learn they were yet another deception.  Something that I had not considered until this point was that Satan appears as an angel of light to deceive us.  I was about to learn just how deceptive this ‘light’ can be.

Reconnecting with Tommy was a cunning distraction the evil one used on me as a baby Christian.  Knowing I was very vulnerable and looking for love, Satan provided a snare in the form of a man who was still entrenched in the new age.  As Tommy and I began to reconnect, sure enough I started to feel we were ‘meant to be.’  I felt pulled to him somehow, as if we were destined to be together for eternity.  I began to research about this online, and I stumbled upon many websites and videos about the Twin Flame/Twin Soul phenomena.  Many Christians also believed in this, so I thought it was safe and not ‘new agey’ at all.  I believed that God had created a soul-mate or intended partner for each of us, much like he had created Eve for Adam.  I began to read about twin flames and listen to all sorts of videos, trying to understand why I felt pulled to Tommy.  The twin flame community all had a similar story to mine:

They had received a vision from ‘God’ with a picture or knowing of who their twin soul would be, and then they had met them.  I thought I was stumbling onto some great truth at the time, and I thought this was part of God’s blessing to me for having exited the new age.  The twin flame phenomena involved having a ‘psychic’ or ‘spiritual’ connection with one’s partner, a powerful draw to them, and many other empathetic qualities.  I found that many Christians believed they were empaths or ‘sensitives’, and so I thought this was a safe concept as well.  I didn’t know yet that although the Holy Spirit does give us spiritual giftings and annointings, but that Satan tries to imitate these gifts.

After talking with Tommy for a few weeks, we began to grow close again and he invited me to visit him in Hawaii.  After our history together, I felt that I needed to visit him to somehow ‘make things right’.  I owed him in a way, both for the time he almost visited me, and then again for the time he did visit me… but it went horribly.  I felt that the gesture of my visit would somehow even the scales, and show him that we were meant to be.  I wanted to do a grand Mea Culpa, and prove to him that I was his twin flame.

Even though I was financially broke, I had just received my final dispersement of student loan money for the fall semester.  This meant that I could afford to visit Tommy.  What’s more, if I scheduled the trip a few months from then my foot would be healed up enough to wear normal shoes.  This could work! I thought.  It all felt like my destiny unfolding.  Tommy had also hinted that if I liked it in Hawaii, then I could move there and stay with him.  This was what I had always dreamed about, a man whisking me away to another state and taking care of me.  I began to fantasize about the idea of my life with Tommy in a tropical paradise.  I felt so blessed! I thought God was gifting me the life I had always dreamed about.  I began to make preparations for moving to Hawaii, and each day I became more convinced that Tommy was my Twin Flame.

In order to prepare for the move, I knew I needed to first get in shape to live on an island.  The flight to Hawaii was scheduled for 3 months out so that I could lose the weight to look good for Tommy.  I didn’t quite know how I was going to slim down, what with my foot being only recently healed.  I called my foot doctor, and he approved me to wear special tennis shoes and instead of walking I could ride the exercise bike.  I had about 20 pounds to lose in order to wear a bathing suit, and I was terrified at not looking perfect for Tommy.  My life became all about looking beautiful for my Twin Flame.  I began to limit my food intake, and exercise every day.  I did cellulite treatments, tanning beds, and became quite obsessed with becoming as beautiful as I could be for Tommy.

Meanwhile, Tommy was busy making preparations for my visit too.  When we originally reconnected, he had been living in a tent in someone’s backyard—which was actually more common in Hawaii than I had previously realized.  The tent had a mattress and was very large, but nonetheless Tommy wanted a nicer environment for my visit and hopeful relocation.  Within a month’s time, he found a furnished rental house and a roommate.  This gesture was very endearing to me, and I felt it meant we were supposed to be together.  Tommy seemed serious about preparing for my visit, but I was getting a little nervous about the fact that we didn’t talk about our feelings much.  I got the sense that the whole trip was to see if we were truly compatible, to ‘test the waters’ so to speak.  Because of this uncertainty, I began to become increasingly nervous about seeing Tommy again, and the old worries started haunting my mind that I wouldn’t be good enough for him.  All the old feelings of insecurity rose up in me, just like they had when we first met.

Months went by, and it was finally the month of January—time to fly out to Hawaii to see my twin flame.  Fueled by an excited nervousness, I had actually managed to drop 30 pounds.  This was the thinnest I had been since college, and I truly thought this meant that God was blessing this union with Tommy.  I believed God wanted me to look beautiful for my future husband, and I had read online that other women had lost weight when they met their twin flames. Some of the Twin Flame testimonies even remarked how their physical ailments were improved upon finding their twin flames.  I was hopeful that this true love reunion would do the same for me.  I had also read that the Twin Flame reunion was some sort of mystical experience, and at that time I was confused about mystical Christianity.  The idea of  twin flames also seemed so compatible with Christianity to me at that time, because I viewed it as journeying back to my authentic humanity, back to the Garden of Eden.  I felt Tommy was the man God had created for me, and that the original humans had certain spiritual gifts from God.  I felt that God wanted me to experience this as well.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I was being seduced by the idea of mystical and new-age Christianity.  I hadn’t developed the discernment for that yet, but the Holy Spirit was about to take me on a crash course. 

Still being deceived by the Twin Flame videos and literature online, I believed the lie that my union with Tommy might unlock some other spiritual gifts and blessings for us, and I began to believe that if Tommy and I consummated our love we would be blessed even more with a ‘spiritual convergence’. 

I had not yet been sanctified in this area of pre-marital sex, so the idea of intimacy with a man whom I thought was my future husband seemed safe.  However, God was about to show me why sex was created to be a holy union.  The union of two into one flesh is a spiritual bond, and not to be taken lightly. 

Leading up to my trip was a very spiritually vulnerable time for me.  I didn’t want anything to do with magic or new age, but there were some gray areas I wasn’t so sure about.  The ideas of:  Twin Souls, Crystals, Empaths, Christian psychics (claiming to have messages from the Holy Spirit), Energy healing, and Spirit Animals—all these topics seemed like they could easily fall into the category of mystical Christianity, which I thought was okay at the time.  I was such a young Christian, that I didn’t yet have the discernment to see that this was all deception.  Young Christians, especially ones exiting from the occult truly need support groups to help them understand what is safe and what is not.  However, I know now that God allowed this so that I could clearly understand all these pitfalls of the satanic new age system. 

God was about to slowly peel back every layer of the new age to grow my discernment. 

As the weeks crept closer to my date of departure, I noticed that I was starting to have some real doubts about visiting Tommy.  I still felt he was my twin flame, and I still wanted to witness to him and ‘save him’ from the new-age..but the doubts were growing louder and louder in my mind.  This was the Holy Spirit warning me, but I didn’t realize that back then.  Initially, I tried to silence the doubts because I felt horribly responsible for Tommy’s descent into the new age spirituality.  I felt somehow responsible for introducing him to the tarot cards and mystical practices, and so I naively hoped that I could convince him of the dangers and rescue him from the deception.

However, as the time to visit him drew near I noticed I felt an increasing amount of anxiety at the idea of seeing him.  So, for the first time as a new Christian, I surrendered my decision to Jesus and prayed for an answer.  I wanted to know if visiting and/or moving to Hawaii was God’s will.  I hadn’t actually consulted God before booking the flight, and that was something I was starting to realize was very important.  So, I prayed and waited for a confirmation about my trip.  A few days after praying, I began to notice something odd.  I began to notice that a hawk seemed to be camped out near my mom’s house.  While that wasn’t totally unusual for the countryside of Arkansas, it seemed unusual for the hawk to be so close to the house.  The first week, I saw the hawk perching on a street sign near the mailbox in our yard, then a week later the hawk was sitting on the back of the fence in the backyard.  I was surprised at the proximity of the hawk, because generally these birds of prey don’t come that close to humans.  Then, the very next day I noticed the hawk was positioned on the side of the fence near the garage, and I happened to see him when I was taking out the trash.  As if this weren’t startling enough, I finally encountered the hawk one day when it was perched on the hood of my truck—just sitting there.  I gasped with shock, wondering why on earth the hawk was so intent on hanging around the house.  I couldn’t ignore it when it was preventing me from getting into my car and leaving the house.  I ended up shooing it away so I could run an errand, but it made me wonder why the hawk kept showing up near us.

Being such a new Christian emerging from what I now refer to as the new-age meatgrinder, my spiritual eyes were freshly opened.  The scales had been removed, but I was still unsure of how to test the spirits.  I could see God’s truth, but there were certain things I still needed to learn.  This was one of them.   At that time, I just assumed (wrongly so) that the hawk was a sign from God– telling me I should go to Hawaii.  I was still very much into signs at that point in my faith.  I was still confused at the idea of being connected to the natural world, and I was still blurring the line between Christianity and Shamanism.  This confused me greatly at the time.   

I would later learn that the hawk was not a sign from God..but a trick from Satan to get me hooked on the ideas of signs and nature reverence.  I knew not to worship the created above the Creator..but I still hadn’t figured out that the enemy loves to twist things just a tiny bit to get us confused.  While I certainly believe God gifts us with certain talents to work with animals or nature, God doesn’t want us revering animals or trying to interpret the actions of animals as heavenly signs. 

I would also soon learn that God is not the author of confusion, and that when He answers our prayers, it’s in a direct way.  We will know when God speaks to us and tells us what to do.  God’s answers are backed by His word, and will never contradict what is written in the Bible.  We don’t have to wonder about it, decipher the the signs, etc.  Confusion is not from God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 25: Alien Rapture

Chapter 25:  Alien Rapture

After the holidays were over, it was back to normal life in Arkansas.  I spent my time studying for my online classes and working at my part-time job.  After the self-love spell with Reagan, I had decided to get proactive and join a local gym for health and wellness.  I was determined to firm up my flab, and get back to my svelte figure.  I noticed right away that exercise was very effective in managing the anger I had towards my mother, so most of my nights were spent at the gym on the treadmill and elliptical machines.  I had also started jogging around the neighborhood, and I was starting to feel positive about my figure again.  By the month of March, I had dropped 10 pounds and I was beginning to really see some results from all my efforts.  I began to become more social, wanting to hit the town more in efforts to find romance.

Around this time, one of my single guy friends, Todd, called and invited me to take a trip with him.  He had heard about an UFO Conference that was being hosted in a hotel near my town, and wanted to take me along with him for company.  I was excited at the time, even though I wasn’t a big alien believer per se.  My friend wasn’t either, but he had always wanted to go to an UFO convention.  At the very least, it would be a fun and wacky story to tell to everyone.  The UFO conference was being held in the same town where Reagan and I had gone camping back in the fall.  This town of Eureka Springs was known for its alternative spirituality, and it had a lot of spiritual communities who lived there.  The conference started on a Friday and went all the way through Sunday.

I arrived at the motel early that Friday evening, and Todd and I decided to grab dinner and some beers before heading to the UFO Conference for the final events of the day.  Since we had driven separately, Todd had been at the conference starting at 9am and so he proceeded to catch me up to speed on all that I had missed.  He told me that it had mostly been speakers discussing their individual research, and it hadn’t been especially dynamic thus far.  However, Todd was most excited about one speaker in particular, a woman named Dolores Cannon.  Dolores was set to speak sometime on Sunday afternoon, and Todd was eagerly awaiting this event.  Dolores Cannon is currently deceased, but at the time she was considered the ‘pioneering grandmother of hypnotherapy,’ and not just any hypnotherapy.  Dolores practiced a type of past life regression that involved connecting to what she called The Source–ascended beings, otherwise known as aliens or higher life forms.  This was a big ‘get’, having Dolores Cannon on the speaker list.  I had actually heard of this woman before because my chiropractor ardently admired Dolores’s work.  As Todd and I arrived to the event center where the UFO Conference was being held, I remember feeling excited and nervous all at the same time.  I hadn’t really considered what I thought about higher life forms, and I was curious about what it all meant.

Friday night’s agenda featured a video screening and a panel discussion which lasted a few hours.  It was a short light-hearted film designed to grab our attention, and end the day on an entertaining note.   After the film was finished, we filed outside to the hallway and noticed there was a food and beverage kiosk that begun to serve coffee and wine.  Todd and I grabbed a glass of wine during an intermission, and we mingled with some of the other guests at the conference.  There were all sorts of people there, from all walks of life.  I enjoyed myself, and it was an interesting way to end the week.  After the video and discussion, Todd and I were pretty tired so we headed back to our motel.  The conference was set to start at 9am the next morning, so we decided to call it an early night.

Saturday morning came early, and Todd and I found ourselves rushing around trying to make it to the conference on time.  We grabbed some coffee from the motel front desk, and decided to just have protein bars for our breakfast.   We made it to the event center just at the speakers were starting, and we quickly settled into our seats.  Saturday’s events turned out to be what any novice would expect, a toe dipping introduction into extra-terrestrial theories and accounts.  It was fun, a bit like an episode of The X-Files.  I found myself getting sucked into the world of all things ET related.  After an educational morning, Todd and I were famished so we decided to grab lunch at a nearby Mexican restaurant.  We discussed all that we had learned, and while I was excitedly talking about the information from the morning panel, I was surprised to discover that Todd was more of an UFO skeptic than I was.  While he was very interested in the alien phenomenon, he also confessed that he couldn’t say for sure if he actually believed any of it.  Todd’s assertion was that he ‘wanted to believe’, and that’s what drove him to attend the conference.  However, for me the conference was very eye opening, and I realized that I did truly believe, and I now had a new and growing interest in what was affectionately called UF-ology (the study of all things UFO related).

The final day of the conference was Sunday, and after a full day of lectures the day before I was pretty fatigued.  I was determined, however, to persevere to the end of the programming in order to hear the speaker that Todd was constantly talking about—the infamous Dolores Cannon.  Even with my resoluteness, I found that I simply could not sit and listen for another eight hours of lectures that day, so I decided to explore the many informational booths and vendors that were displayed in the lobby and also in the lower level of the event center.  As I walked around and surveyed all the kiosks and alien literature, I was delighted to find a booth that sold bohemian style jewelry.  I decided to buy a pretty sterling silver ring made from the stone malachite.  Pleased with my purchase, I then decided to head back upstairs to check on Todd.  I went back to our seats in the conference room and sat down again.  Todd began to update me that Dolores Cannon was supposed to speak any minute.  Feeling very impatient, I began to wonder if it was truly worth my time to stay and hear what this woman had to say.  How important could it be, I wondered to myself.  After a few minutes of deliberating, I decided I didn’t care if I heard Dolores speak or not, and that I wanted to go home.  It had been a fun weekend, but it was 2pm on a Sunday and I had to work that next morning so I needed to start the drive home.  I said goodbye to Todd, and exited the conference room.

However, just as I walked out of the room I stopped suddenly as a particular sign caught my eye.  The sign had a picture of the planet on it, and it said ‘New Earth’.  Although I wasn’t sure what this sign meant, I remembered learning a little about the book of Revelation in the Bible, and I knew that part of the second coming of Jesus involved a new heaven and a new earth.  This was the tribulation story, the Rapture event.  Without trying to sound dramatic, I felt very drawn to this sign.  I knew I had to either buy this book or figure out what this theory wasI didn’t quite understand it then, but Jesus was trying to get my attention that day. 

I was all set to begin the drive home..but I simply could not leave without figuring out what the ‘New Earth’ theory was.  So, I walked downstairs again to the vender room in the lower level, and I scanned all the tables for any sign of a book about a New Earth.  Frustrated that I couldn’t find anything about it, I went back upstairs to the main conference room to rejoin my friend for just a moment.  I wanted to quickly ask him if he knew anything about this new earth theory before I headed back home.  However, when I opened the door to the main conference room, I saw that Dolores Cannon was on the stage!  Well, I took this as a sign, and decided to stay for her lecture.  My first impression of her was that she seemed particularly cranky that day.  I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but I guess I thought she would be a sweet old lady.  She was very professional, but she snapped at a couple audience members and seemed to belittle their questions in my opinion.  So, I wasn’t hugely impressed.  For the second time, I had decided that I was about ready to leave…but then low and behold Dolores started talking about the New Earth.  Okay, I had to stay and hear this….

She began to talk about vibrations…and to understand what that means,  let me first give you some back-story as to her work as a hypnotherapist.

In her books, she shares detailed accounts of her past life regression work upon individuals who, while under hypnosis, have confessed that their past lives were not on planet earth.  As her clients undergo hypnosis, they begin to recount their past lives.  It is at this point where another voice begins speaking, and communicates with Dolores.  Dolores then begins asking the new voice questions, and the voice claims to be a higher life form from another planet.  So Dolores interviews the higher beings while the person is under hypnosis.  Her books are accounts of what the beings tell her.  Well, now here’s where my details are fuzzy because I attended this conference many years ago.  If I remember correctly, Dolores was told by a higher being that there would be a huge cosmic shift very soon.  Human kind would be forever changed.  Essentially, a new earth would be created from the old earth..much like another dimension.  The old earth would still exist, but those who vibrated at a high enough frequency and focused on positive emotions and thoughts (happiness, bliss, love) would be transported to the new earth.  Those who insisted on dwelling in pain and negativity (low vibrations), would stay behind in the old earth.  The role extraterrestrials were to play in this would be to usher the higher vibrational humans to the new dimension.  We were to watch for the alien encounters. 

I think that’s the gist of her message that day.  Well, at the time this really piqued my interest.  My friend wasn’t as impressed as I was, and I think he had a bit more skepticism about the whole theory.  However, I was fascinated!  This sounded very similar to the Christian idea of the Rapture, and I felt drawn to knowing more about end times prophecies.

After arriving back home, I became obsessed with the idea that perhaps I had come from another planet originally, as Dolores had spoken about.  The UFO Conference had sparked a whole new part of my spiritual path, and I began to research this idea.  I read some pdf excerpts of Dolores’s books, and my chiropractor loaned me one of hers as well.  I loved the idea that I was descended from another planet, that I was what the new age called a ‘Star Person’.  This would explain why I had special gifts and felt out of place in the world.  The new age talks a lot about Indigo Children as well, children with special gifts who are supposed to raise the vibration of humanity upwards.  There are many theories about this.  I read one of Delores’s  theories about what is called ‘Walk-Ins’, and the idea is that the higher beings, sometimes for lack of a better term, ‘commandeer’ a human body who can no longer deal with the pain from their traumatic childhoods.  This really scared me, but I was still curious and wanted to know more.  I thought it sounded a bit like demonic possession though, and I would later find out that’s exactly what it was.

Dolores received channeled information about aliens, and informed her readers that some aliens were angelic, and some were not.  She instructed us that aliens were not here to harm us, and some alien races were actually here to help and protect humanity.  However, some of the stories I had heard through the years about alien abductions and even alien visitations sounded terrifying to be perfectly honest, but Dolores’s clients said it was all part of the human evolution.  Some souls had signed up for a traumatic life to learn certain lessons for their soul’s evolution, and they needed painful events to learn.

Reading this, I was reminded me of a story my friend Angie once told me about her travels to South America.  While visiting there, something strange happened to her.  Angie said that she was visiting a church one Sunday, when she suddenly felt taken over by some spiritual force that she referred to as a higher life force.  Angie had been brought up in church, but had drifted away into the new age teachings.  She believed that Jesus was an ascended being, much like the aliens were.  While she was telling me the story, she recounted that at the church in South America she felt unable to control what she was doing and saying.  She remembered speaking to the congregation with great zeal about the subject of Love.  She told them that Jesus was Love, and that’s all they needed to know–that Love was the path to heaven.  When Angie first told me this story, I assumed the Holy Spirit had given her words to speak.

At that time in the new age, I too was deceived about the difference between the Holy Spirit washing over someone and the false idea of a ‘higher being’ ‘commandeering’ a human body.  They sounded very similar.  I too came to the false conclusion that perhaps these higher beings were really angels after all.  I believed as Angie did, that all one needed to do was to love others and they would go to heaven. So, following that line of thinking, it is then seen as very unloving to talk about sin or repentance. 

I didn’t understand that while it’s true that Jesus is Agape Love, He is also Holy and Righteous.  We have to repent of our sins and go and sin no more if we want to be disciples.  The new age takes one piece of truth and twists it.  This is what is so deceptive. 

Craving to know more about higher beings and the New Earth Theory, I began to fall down a rabbit hole of theories about a topic called ‘Ascension’The new age community called it ‘Ascension 2020’, and it was the same as the New Earth Theory that Delores had talked about.  Researching the topic of ‘ascension’ led me to another new age author named Ruth Montgomery.  Ruth had stated something similar to the new earth theory, and she had also channeled this information from another spirit or higher-being life form.  The ‘being’ told Ruth that there would be a Second Coming much like in the Bible.  The being (and I’m paraphrasing here because I threw the book away after I was saved) said something to the effect of those who vibrate at a higher frequency will be whisked away at the blink of an eye to another planet/dimension.  The others will remain behind.  The detail that grabbed me was that the being also mentioned the existence of the antichrist, and that he is alive today and being groomed for his rise to power.  The being said that the second coming would be much like the Christian view of the event, but it left out the role of Jesus as savior.  Instead of people believing in Jesus to be saved and taken to heaven, a person need only to vibrate at a higher frequency.

Well, all this information really rattled me.  To learn that the metaphysical and new-age end game is the same apocalyptic event as the Bible….EXCEPT these ‘beings’ were going out of their way to remove the figure of Jesus Christ from the whole story.  This really raised my spidey senses.   The resurrection of Jesus has been factually proven in historical text, so to leave him out of the narrative entirely was really weird.  Some other channellers will say that Jesus Christ is the son of God….but that we humans are ALL sons of God.  It’s a very subtle twist to put humans on the same level and power as God.  It diminishes God’s role and elevates man’s role.  That’s the belief of ‘Inner Divinity’ that many new-agers have.

All this new information was mind blowing to me, and it got me frantically researching to find any other theories about the new earth phenomenon.  It was then that I discovered another new age woman talking about this topic, a woman named Esther Hicks from Abraham Hicks-Law of Attraction.  Esther Hicks was a channeller who also claimed a higher spiritual being was speaking to her and through her, and that this being informed her that Jesus was on the same level of all humans.  Esther channeled information that diminishes the role of Jesus to that of ‘just another son of God’ like we all are also sons of God.  The being asserts that we are equals to God because of our inner divine nature.   It’s very subtle, and relegates Jesus Christ to just another ascended master, another extraterrestrial who we need to vibrate high enough to become like him.

So, after learning all this I felt God was wanting me to really open my eyes, but I couldn’t decide yet what to believe.  I remember feeling that I was somehow very close to figuring out something huge about the universe, but I couldn’t quite say what it was at that time.

The Lord would show me much later that these higher beings were nothing more than demons masquerading as angels of light, just the way they pretended to be spirit guides and goddesses, fairies, etc.  Satan is the master of deception, and he can imitate anything…even perform healings to ensnare us to following the false light.  Through all this deception, I began to panic and look for another healer.  I was deceived into thinking another person could heal me spiritually back then because I still hadn’t cried out to Jesus for help. 

I also began to wonder if I should try and find someone who would do what Dolores Cannon does for her clients, a special past life regression technique called Quantum Healing Hypnosis.  This would help me discover if I had any past lives on another planet, and also many patients received physical healings from the higher beings that spoke through them during the sessions.  Naturally, I was very curious about this.  The questions began to plague my mind: Had I been born on another planet? Was I a Starseed? That really would explain a lot about me I guess.

These questions drove me to look online, and I happily discovered that there were several practitioners located near me, but the sessions were very expensive.  After thinking about this for a few weeks, I actually decided not to purchase a session.  Something in me was very nervous about this, so I opted not to go through with it.  However, I still had a nagging feeling that my subconscious held some vital information about my past—something I had blocked out but needed to know.  So, I decided to visit my chiropractor and ask her about all this.

She had been studying Dolores Cannon for years, and had actually learned a similar technique that put the client into a hypnotic state to discover if any trauma was trapped inside the body’s muscle tissue.  The idea was that a person’s mind can block out early childhood trauma, but that the memory is stored on a cellular level in the person’s tissues.  I was very intrigued with this, and felt it could at least tell me if I had undergone any trauma that I had somehow blocked out or repressed.  I decided to schedule the session for a few months from then, during the summer.  My chiropractor didn’t charge quite as much as Dolores Cannon because she was doing simple hypnosis, not quantum healing hypnosis.  Pleased that I was actively searching for self-improvement through a new technique, I looked forward to when I could have this ‘healing’ session done.

I would soon be shown that these healings were nothing more than bondage from Satan.  They seemed to have all the answers, but were a trap to ensnare me into more darkness. 

Chapter 14: Tarot Woman Business

Chapter 14:  Tarot Woman Business

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”   

                —2 Corinthians 11:14

Arriving back home, I noticed that I didn’t feel embarrassed to stay with my mom this time around.

Instead, I felt a divine sense of purpose after my past-life epiphany.  With newfound wisdom, I set out to secure another nanny job and get my life going again.  The plan was to find a roommate, and move out as soon as possible.  In the meanwhile, I decided to revel in my burgeoning spiritual awakening.  I felt like my same old self, but a new and improved version.  The past life regression had unlocked something inside my mind, and it was as if I was a changed woman.  The dark memories from my childhood and the family chaos didn’t seem to affect me this time around.  I was freed from that burden, or so I thought.  I felt a sense of blissful worldliness, as if I had experienced what few do in this lifetime—an enlightened view of my spiritual self.  Maybe this was what the ‘higher self’ was all about, I thought. 

During this time, I had been talking to Fawn on the phone a lot, and I regarded her as one of the few people who understood the true nature of the universe.  We were on a path together to discover the mystical nature of our reality, and we both felt that were truly ‘awoken’.

It wasn’t long until I was ready to begin reading the tarot cards for actual paying clients.  I had been practicing on my friends and family since arriving back home, and everyone was impressed with the accuracy of my readings.  I felt this new power gave me a sense of confidence I had never experienced before.  Riding this wave, I decided to build my own business website.  I didn’t know anything about that kind of thing, and my wrists couldn’t handle a lot of typing, what with my carpel tunnel, but I felt sure I needed to take this step of faith.  My mom agreed to help me, and with both of us working together the website was successfully built.  It wasn’t anything fancy, but it allowed me to create a Myspace page for my new business.  I linked the website to my Myspace page, and then friended a lot of people and businesses.  I named my business ‘Tarot Woman Intuitive Readings’, and I had found a beautiful logo of a woman in a red toga dress, sitting at the edge of a pond.  The woman was holding a lotus flower, and she seemed so wise.  I wanted to be just like the woman in this image.  I also decided to create my first gmail account, and I realized I needed a name for it too.  I decided to call my email ‘crowfeather’.  I felt this was appropriate because the crows had adopted me as one of their own in Seattle. They were definitely my spirit animal.   I truly was a wise woman now, someone with the wisdom from the ancients.  My ancestors from the past life session wanted to help me find my path in the universe.  The old me was passing away, and making room for the new and improved woman I was becoming.  The past life session had really been a turning point for me.  At the time, I thought this was a good thing.

Also around this time, I had participated in my first ‘Map healing’ session with my friend Fawn.  She had taught me how to open the ‘cone of healing’ and call in ‘the ascended masters of the white brotherhood’.  Fawn said these were great enlightened masters from since before time began, and they would be able to assist me in my life.  The deva of nature spirits was a helpful spirit in charge of the natural world of plants, and Fawn informed me that this spirit would be helpful in healing my body of all ailments.  Fawn also told me that every time she opens the cone of healing she would call in Jesus for protection.  She knew channeling was a dangerous activity, so when she opened the ‘cone’ she would ask Jesus to heal her along with the other spirits.  This made sense to me.  As long as Jesus was involved, I figured it would be safe enough.

I would later learn of course, that there is a false Christ in the new age, a version of Jesus that is a counterfeit to the true Light of the World.  Not all things done unto Jesus’s name are the true Jehovah God.  Different spirits masquerade as Jesus, and even some churches have what’s called the Kundalini Spirit–a false holy spirit that seeks to mimic the actual baptism of the Holy Spirit.  You will feel this sense of ‘bliss’, but it’s not from the Lord.  It’s demonic.  

During the Map healing session, I felt peace flowing through me.  It was similar to the past life regression work I had done before, in that afterwards I felt like I was floating in a blissful state of existence.  Everything felt so good.  I thanked Fawn when the session was over.  She then told me that I could do a healing session on myself any time I wanted, and that all I had to do was say the words inside my mind.  I would need to get to a meditative still place inside, but the concept was the same—open the cone and call in the spirits to heal me.  I began to see that this was not much different from praying.  I was asking the spirits to help me, assist me.  Maybe spells were like prayers too, I thought.  It all made sense.  My words were powerful, and I could create any reality I chose.  I thought this was what prayer truly was, the act of forming my world as a co-creator with God.  I began to think how silly the church was for teaching us to ask for God’s will, when we could be creating and manifesting all that our heart desires.

I didn’t realize I was falling for the age-old lie that Satan told to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden:

For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5

Feeling so inspired by this rush of energy and healing from the deva of nature spirits and the ascended masters, I began to wonder what this was all about.  Was the spiritual realm something that I had simply been taught to fear?  Maybe it was my birthright to be able to manipulate the energy around me.  The other realm began to become my friend, something I could use to enhance my life.  I became fascinated with the idea that people could control the elements and the natural world, and I took this as a sign that someone was spiritually powerful.  I too, wanted this power.  I felt ready to finally stop being a victim and take control over my life.

Then, I suddenly thought of my beloved spirit animal, the crow.  There weren’t as many crows in Oklahoma as there had been in Washington, and I had been missing them terribly.  I felt a strong and powerful urge for them to be near me again, to feel the fellowship of my protectors, my guides.  I missed them, needed them with me.  I felt this pulling feeling, as if my whole being was calling the crows to me.  I had no idea what I was doing, or that this was a form of witchcraft and sorcery.  I just knew I needed the crows there and I had called them to me.

The next morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.  I got my mug, and went to the balcony to enjoy my coffee outside.  Upon opening the sliding door, I caught my breath in amazement. There below me was a large group of crows.  There must have been 50 crows on the street below, squawking and milling around.  I couldn’t believe my own eyes! I just sat there mouth open in shock.  What did this mean? I felt like I was finally becoming a powerful and wise spiritual woman.  That was the day I renamed myself ‘Crowfeather’.  I used this as my spiritual name because the crows had indeed chosen me.  That’s what I thought then.

This is the enchanting deception of the shamanic path.  Nature is used to lure us into a magical union with the natural world, and we believe it’s all God doing this.  We believe we can manipulate nature and bend the universe to our will.  This is just a taste to further lure us into sorcery.

It wasn’t long after this, that I began to book gigs as a psychic reader.  I felt my powers growing, and I was ready to help others.  My first gig was at a local art show in my hometown.  I sat up a booth, and had purchased a little sign with the Tarot Woman logo on it—the beautiful picture of the woman in the red dress with the lotus flower.  I sat down, and waited for my first client.  I had decided to do readings for what was called a ‘love donation’—basically whatever the client felt the reading was worth to them.  This worked well at the art show venue, and I found myself reading for at least ten people that night.  I usually received anywhere from $10 to $20 per reading, so I came away with a little over $100 from a few hours worth of psychic readings.

My second gig was at a psychic fair.  It was an annual event held at a local hotel.  Upon arrival, I scanned the room.  There were tables lined up along the walls so that a person could walk through the room and consult with various psychics and spiritualists.  I found the person in charge, and told them I was booked as a Tarot Reader booth.  Tarot readers needed the tarot cards to do the readings; whereas, psychics did not.  I learned that not all tarot readers are legitimate psychics, but if they were skilled readers of the tarot they could still predict the most probable future outcome, based upon where the person was ‘energetically’ at that time.  I didn’t feel confident enough to call myself a psychic yet, so I simply let my clients know that the tarot cards were something that the client’s subconscious is actually choosing, not the reader.  The reader is merely there to interpret the message of the cards.  I would have the clients shuffle their own cards back then, so they would understand I wasn’t doing anything weird or spooky.  I firmly believed we all had our inner destiny locked away in our subconscious, and the tarot symbolism merely helped our brains access this information.

As I sat down at the booth and put my Tarot Woman sign up, I began to feel a little uneasy.  I couldn’t figure out why, so I chalked it up to nerves.   The psychic fair was set to begin in a few minutes, and I was getting my tarot deck ‘cleared’ and ‘charged’.  Before energy work of any kind, practitioners are taught to clear any ‘negative energy’ from themselves or their deck.  They are also taught to protect their energetic bodies and connect or ground so that they will be safe from any ‘psychic attack’.  I was told that crystals also help protect my energy, and also burning sage to clear my chakras and aura was key to doing energy work.  I had no idea how deceived I was.

As soon as my energy was cleared, clients began filing in the room.  My booth quickly became popular because as a first time reader for the psychic fair, I was obligated to charge only a donation for my readings.  The line for my readings became quite long, and I was beginning to feel nervous.  I quickly opened the cone of healing inside my mind, and called in the white brotherhood of ascended masters to help me.  I needed them to help soothe my nerves if I was going to get through this day.  My first client was an administrator from the psychic fair, and her goal was to test me to see if I was a legitimate reader.  The woman asked me about an upcoming job interview, and if it would be a good fit for her.  Nervous, but feeling more peaceful from the cone of healing, I began my process of reading the cards.  One by one, I flipped the cards over and revealed personal information about this woman’s question.  As I began to talk about this job offer, the woman’s eyes became widened.  The information revealed in the reading seemed very shocking to her, but she also seemed pleased.  Suddenly, she stood up and yelled over to the other tables “This woman’s the real deal right here!”  I immediately felt a sense of pride and confidence.  I enjoyed feeling special, like I had a power that someone else didn’t.  Upon hearing that my psychic abilities were legitimate, the line for a reading with me became even longer.

The next few hours were back to back readings, and I began to feel drained.  I had made a good chunk of cash in tips/donations, but I was ready to call it quits.  The administrators told me I could leave at any time, so I began to gather my things and get ready to head out to my car.  As I began to stand up, I suddenly felt very strange.  My head was spinning for some reason, and I felt like my center of gravity wasn’t quite where it should be. I wondered if I was coming down with something.  Suddenly, I felt like I might faint or fall over.  I had never felt faint before, so I didn’t quite know what to do.  A woman in a nearby booth noticed me struggling, and came to my aid.  “Are you okay honey?” she asked.

“I..uh..I don’t know..” I replied frightened.  “I feel strange, like I can’t walk.”

“Oh I bet I know what it is, she said confidently. You got an overdose of psychic energy from the room I think.”

A couple more ladies began to notice how strangely I was acting, and came over to see if I was okay.

“I think I must just be sensitive to all the energy in the room,” I said, nodding to the lady who had clued me in.

The women standing around me suddenly seemed a bit frightened, and I didn’t know quite why.  They started to exchange sideways glances, and suggested I head home to be safe.  One of them offered to walk me to my car, but by this point I was starting to feel a little better so I declined.

When I left the building, I started to feel a little more like myself, but it took a solid few hours to fully recover from whatever had happened.  That day made an impression on me, and I began to wonder if I wanted to be a psychic reader as a career.  If I was that sensitive to energy, then I would have to rethink this.

Of course, now I know that the energy in the room was demonic.  That combined with other psychics in the room calling upon other entities was most likely an overload of demonic warfare in the room.  Most of the readers thought they were calling on angelic guides and/or goddesses, but we would soon learn that Satan masquerades as an angel of light. 

Chapter One: The False Vision

Introduction:

This is my story.  This is a very personal account of why the new age beliefs appealed to me, how they promised healing and peace, but delivered the opposite.  This is a story of how I desperately searched for love and God in places that led me to spiritual darkness.  It is not my intent to judge those in the new age, but to shed God’s light upon it.  There are many imitations of the True Light of the world:  Jesus Christ. The antithesis to our Heavenly Father is a being called Lucifer, who is the father of lies and the god of this world.  We are all making our way through a fallen state of existence, and this book is about my journey to discover Truth, and how it changed me.  God’s truth revealed the true ME, the woman God truly intended me to be. The identity I had been searching for all my life.  This is the story of how I found true peace for the first time through the love and redemption of Jesus Christ my savior.

To my fellow Christians who don’t know what the new age is, I hope this book will help explain how seductive the teachings are and how someone can easily fall prey to them.  The new age teachings have crept into many churches now, and it is imperative to be informed about them.  Many Christians are reluctant to talk about these things, for fear it will bring on more evil in their life.  However, we must be sober and vigilant, with eyes to see the schemes of the enemy.  This is imperative for all believers, and as uncomfortable as it is to talk about things that aren’t of God, we need to come together and address this.

For those of you wondering what kind of person would willingly enter the dark world of the occult, let me tell you it’s not marketed that way anymore.  We have a cunning enemy, and satan appears as an angel of light in the new age, promising peace, unity, and healing.  The enemy twists things to give the appearance of truth and ancient wisdom, and many are believing these half-truths in their search for God.  The term ‘new-age’ really refers to the ‘old paganism’ of the Bible– all the sins of dabbling in spiritism that are forbidden.  However, nowadays these mystical practices are repackaged as healthy for us and even adopted by many Christians.  The world is blending paganism with Christianity, and this is the issue I’m hoping to address in this book.  The devil’s plan with this is to create a unified religion that appeals to pagans and Christians alike, the end game being to position the antichrist as the head of the church, and recognized as ‘god’ by the many.  This is the great deception.  We are all pawns unless we see behind this veil.

To give you some backstory as to my beliefs: I was raised in a Baptist Church, and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and the Son of God and when I was 10 or 11.  I remember getting baptized, and I loved the Lord with all my heart.  I prayed each night, and talked to God all the time.  However, around 19 years old some painful events happened in my family that caused me to lose the majority of my faith.  My parents were on their second marriage at that time, and both of them had decided to divorce their spouses again.  The foundation of both my families was crumbling while I was away at college.  My stepfather could no longer pay for my classes, so I had to drop out of school, get a full-time job and apply for food stamps.  He was suddenly gone from my life, and I felt like I lost a father.  I had gone from pampered to poverty in under a month.  It was a shock for my 19 year old self.  That coupled with family secrets, buried memories of childhood abuse, and general dysfunction—it all combined to create a crisis of self and faith.

My faith in God was childlike to begin with, and so I thought maturity meant not expecting God to solve all my problems.  This lie kept me drifting far away from God, and eventually I adopted the new age teachings because they had bits of Christianity mixed in with other mystical teachings.  There was also the issue that many Christians seemed mean and judgmental, and I wanted no part of that.  So, if the church wasn’t the place where God lived, then I had to find the true Jesus elsewhere.  That’s what started my journey to uncover ancient wisdom, and I hoped it would heal all the broken parts inside me.

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Chapter 1:  The False Vision

      When his face appeared, I recognized him immediately.  It was as if I had known him before time existed.  He looked into my eyes, somehow peering deep down into my very soul.  He spoke one word…’Love’.  It was as if I could hear his voice resounding inside my mind.  When he spoke, waves of ‘energy’ appeared and formed four red letters upon his heart.  Like a glowing neon sign, the letters spelled out the word…’Love’.   Suddenly, I felt weightless, like I was in another dimension.  When I opened my eyes, I discovered I was awake, yet still inside the dream.  The glowing letters echoing the word ‘Love.’  

Back in my mid-twenties, I had a vision.  Not knowing what that was, I considered it to be a message from God.  I had no idea that Satan can also send visions.  I just assumed it was from God because it was about ‘Love’.

When I received this vision, I was delighted to behold a man’s face..and not just any face.  He was beautiful.  He had piercing blue eyes with shoulder length, sandy brown hair.  His eyes shone with kindness and intensity, and he had a beard which, to me, gave him the appearance of wisdom and safety.  I had a peaceful feeling when I looked at him, as if we had known each other before.  He uttered one word to me: ‘Love’.  He said the word almost telepathically, and I remember thinking he was speaking to my very soul.

I knew instantly that this man was to be my husband, as if this knowledge was sent from heaven–it wasn’t.  My friends however, were a bit dubious about the vision, and teased me that maybe who I really saw was Jesus instead of some destined ‘true love’.   But, I would not be dissuaded.  I decided that from then on, I would be on the lookout for this man, as I was not going to miss finding my soulmate!

So for the next few months, I had a laser sharp focus for any man with a beard and sandy brown hair.  I mean, I had a hawk eye looking for this future soul-mate.  I was convinced my other half was going to present himself very soon.  The funny thing (and I tried not to focus on it), was that I wasn’t really attracted to men with beards at that time, or at all really, but it mattered little because the idea of a destined love was what I had been preparing for since I was 17 years old.  I had been enamored with the idea of ‘love at first sight’ since high school, so the idea of love at first ‘dream-vision’ wasn’t much of a leap from there.  I decided that if God cared enough to send me my other half, I would not quibble about his appearance.

My fascination with soul-mates continued into my college years, where I learned about the Greek myth of the ‘Androgyne’, a poetic theory teaching that humans are born separated from an integral piece of their identity–the literal other half.  I learned that this ‘other-half’ is the soul’s counterpart, and they were literally created to fulfill us.  I was so taken with this concept, as it seemed similar to the story of Adam and Eve.  God created Eve just for Adam, so that he wouldn’t be alone.  God fashioned Eve out of Adam’s rib, and she was in fact a part of him.  They were ‘one’ together.  I wanted that ‘one-ness’. I wanted my other half.

You see, I had always been a die-hard romantic.  Romeo and Juliet was my favorite story since age 16, and I longed for the kind of connection I saw portrayed.  I was consumed with the idea of a soul bond that transcended the mundane idea of mere compatibility.  I wasn’t looking for a simple boyfriend; I wanted a convergence of time and space–the kind of love that blended two souls into one.  The search for true love gave me a feeling of complete wholeness, without which life would be empty.  Everything I did revolved around making myself good enough to find this destined love someday.  This was my entire purpose of existence.  Yet, through all this I never once stopped to wonder why finding love was so important to me–never questioned my fixation on this or where it came from.

With all my fixation upon finding true love, beholding my soul-mate in a dream was in every way an answer to my prayers.  Around the time I received the vision, I had been through a series of traumatic life events, and because of this, the vision became a veritable life raft for me.  I clung to my vision as proof that my life would get better; It meant I would be somebody.

The seed of deception from Satan had been planted, and little by little my penchant for romance grew into a deep obsession, leading me to search for love no matter the cost to myself or my soul.

But let me go back to how this all began…