Chapter 30: Twin Flame Lies

Chapter 30:  Twin Flame Lies

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”–1 John 4:1 

Being a new Christian, I was about to learn that Satan attacks most ferociously during the time when a believer is first coming to Christ.  New believers haven’t been grounded in the authority of Jesus, and don’t know the word of the Lord as the Sword of the Spirit, so they are very vulnerable to spiritual warfare.

The good news was that I was done with the heavy demonic oppression, and that was never to come back again, but I was about to endure spiritual warfare in a different way. 

I would later learn that God allows this to build discernment in His children.  God had many lessons to teach me, and even though they were not easy I now count it all Joy–Joy in the Lord through the chastisement, Joy in the Lord through the trials.  It was all meant for me to be refined and grown up in the Truth..and I was about to have more scales removed from my eyes to see God’s truth first-hand.

No sooner than the heavy demonic oppression on my mind lifted, did Satan start to rear his ugly head in attempt to ensnare me in yet another deception–the lies of the Twin Flame Soulmate.  It all started a couple months after being born-again.  I was still wearing the boot cast, but my ‘bone bruise’ was feeling much better and I had a lot more mobility.  With the ability to walk around the house more, I was doing laundry one afternoon when out of nowhere I had a thought about Tommy.  I suddenly felt a very strong urge to contact him.  He was one of the few men I had met in my life that claimed to be a Christian, so at the time I thought God was leading me back to a partner who would be a good choice for me.  I wanted to date a believer, so I could be equally yolked, as I was learning this was of extreme importance for me spiritually.  I didn’t want to be with anyone who would pull me away from the truth of Jesus, and I thought Tommy would be someone with whom I could share my faith.

Feeling this powerful urge to connect with Tommy, I decided to look him up online. I was able to find him, so I reached out to him and apologized for everything that happened in the past.  I felt that I was in the wrong, so I wanted to extend an olive branch.  He said he forgave me, and was happy to hear from me.  I thought this all meant it was God’s will that we reconnect.  Through our conversation, he told me he was still living in Hawaii, and that he had created a new life for himself, and was now going by a new spiritual name.  I learned that he was very involved in the shaman community in Hawaii, and that he participated in many sweat lodges and spirit journeys with the drug called Ayahuasca—a powerful psychedelic that induces visions.  He told me that he had been doing spiritual healing sessions as a side-job, and really enjoyed helping people.

You would think that I would have realized right then and there that Tommy was not a Christian at all, and that I needed to run away from this because it was literally everything from which I had just escaped.  However, there was this strong pull inside me to ‘help’ him…and I couldn’t turn away.  All these warning signs registered with me, but somehow I felt that I was supposed to reconnect with Tommy and share what God had done in my life.

At that time, I still believed the ‘true love vision’ I received years ago was from the Lord… but I would soon discover that the vision had been a deception from Satan the entire time. 

Still believing this vision was from God, I was determined to help Tommy and bring him out of the new age.  I felt that God wanted me to witness to him, and then we could be together forever.  I had no idea that God does not unite two people who are unequally yolked.  Instead, I believed the Twin Flame Lie that Tommy and I had some sort of spiritual purpose on the planet—one that we had to unite to achieve.  I thought all these ideas were from the Most High at the time, but I was about to learn they were yet another deception.  Something that I had not considered until this point was that Satan appears as an angel of light to deceive us.  I was about to learn just how deceptive this ‘light’ can be.

Reconnecting with Tommy was a cunning distraction the evil one used on me as a baby Christian.  Knowing I was very vulnerable and looking for love, Satan provided a snare in the form of a man who was still entrenched in the new age.  As Tommy and I began to reconnect, sure enough I started to feel we were ‘meant to be.’  I felt pulled to him somehow, as if we were destined to be together for eternity.  I began to research about this online, and I stumbled upon many websites and videos about the Twin Flame/Twin Soul phenomena.  Many Christians also believed in this, so I thought it was safe and not ‘new agey’ at all.  I believed that God had created a soul-mate or intended partner for each of us, much like he had created Eve for Adam.  I began to read about twin flames and listen to all sorts of videos, trying to understand why I felt pulled to Tommy.  The twin flame community all had a similar story to mine:

They had received a vision from ‘God’ with a picture or knowing of who their twin soul would be, and then they had met them.  I thought I was stumbling onto some great truth at the time, and I thought this was part of God’s blessing to me for having exited the new age.  The twin flame phenomena involved having a ‘psychic’ or ‘spiritual’ connection with one’s partner, a powerful draw to them, and many other empathetic qualities.  I found that many Christians believed they were empaths or ‘sensitives’, and so I thought this was a safe concept as well.  I didn’t know yet that although the Holy Spirit does give us spiritual giftings and annointings, but that Satan tries to imitate these gifts.

After talking with Tommy for a few weeks, we began to grow close again and he invited me to visit him in Hawaii.  After our history together, I felt that I needed to visit him to somehow ‘make things right’.  I owed him in a way, both for the time he almost visited me, and then again for the time he did visit me… but it went horribly.  I felt that the gesture of my visit would somehow even the scales, and show him that we were meant to be.  I wanted to do a grand Mea Culpa, and prove to him that I was his twin flame.

Even though I was financially broke, I had just received my final dispersement of student loan money for the fall semester.  This meant that I could afford to visit Tommy.  What’s more, if I scheduled the trip a few months from then my foot would be healed up enough to wear normal shoes.  This could work! I thought.  It all felt like my destiny unfolding.  Tommy had also hinted that if I liked it in Hawaii, then I could move there and stay with him.  This was what I had always dreamed about, a man whisking me away to another state and taking care of me.  I began to fantasize about the idea of my life with Tommy in a tropical paradise.  I felt so blessed! I thought God was gifting me the life I had always dreamed about.  I began to make preparations for moving to Hawaii, and each day I became more convinced that Tommy was my Twin Flame.

In order to prepare for the move, I knew I needed to first get in shape to live on an island.  The flight to Hawaii was scheduled for 3 months out so that I could lose the weight to look good for Tommy.  I didn’t quite know how I was going to slim down, what with my foot being only recently healed.  I called my foot doctor, and he approved me to wear special tennis shoes and instead of walking I could ride the exercise bike.  I had about 20 pounds to lose in order to wear a bathing suit, and I was terrified at not looking perfect for Tommy.  My life became all about looking beautiful for my Twin Flame.  I began to limit my food intake, and exercise every day.  I did cellulite treatments, tanning beds, and became quite obsessed with becoming as beautiful as I could be for Tommy.

Meanwhile, Tommy was busy making preparations for my visit too.  When we originally reconnected, he had been living in a tent in someone’s backyard—which was actually more common in Hawaii than I had previously realized.  The tent had a mattress and was very large, but nonetheless Tommy wanted a nicer environment for my visit and hopeful relocation.  Within a month’s time, he found a furnished rental house and a roommate.  This gesture was very endearing to me, and I felt it meant we were supposed to be together.  Tommy seemed serious about preparing for my visit, but I was getting a little nervous about the fact that we didn’t talk about our feelings much.  I got the sense that the whole trip was to see if we were truly compatible, to ‘test the waters’ so to speak.  Because of this uncertainty, I began to become increasingly nervous about seeing Tommy again, and the old worries started haunting my mind that I wouldn’t be good enough for him.  All the old feelings of insecurity rose up in me, just like they had when we first met.

Months went by, and it was finally the month of January—time to fly out to Hawaii to see my twin flame.  Fueled by an excited nervousness, I had actually managed to drop 30 pounds.  This was the thinnest I had been since college, and I truly thought this meant that God was blessing this union with Tommy.  I believed God wanted me to look beautiful for my future husband, and I had read online that other women had lost weight when they met their twin flames. Some of the Twin Flame testimonies even remarked how their physical ailments were improved upon finding their twin flames.  I was hopeful that this true love reunion would do the same for me.  I had also read that the Twin Flame reunion was some sort of mystical experience, and at that time I was confused about mystical Christianity.  The idea of  twin flames also seemed so compatible with Christianity to me at that time, because I viewed it as journeying back to my authentic humanity, back to the Garden of Eden.  I felt Tommy was the man God had created for me, and that the original humans had certain spiritual gifts from God.  I felt that God wanted me to experience this as well.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I was being seduced by the idea of mystical and new-age Christianity.  I hadn’t developed the discernment for that yet, but the Holy Spirit was about to take me on a crash course. 

Still being deceived by the Twin Flame videos and literature online, I believed the lie that my union with Tommy might unlock some other spiritual gifts and blessings for us, and I began to believe that if Tommy and I consummated our love we would be blessed even more with a ‘spiritual convergence’. 

I had not yet been sanctified in this area of pre-marital sex, so the idea of intimacy with a man whom I thought was my future husband seemed safe.  However, God was about to show me why sex was created to be a holy union.  The union of two into one flesh is a spiritual bond, and not to be taken lightly. 

Leading up to my trip was a very spiritually vulnerable time for me.  I didn’t want anything to do with magic or new age, but there were some gray areas I wasn’t so sure about.  The ideas of:  Twin Souls, Crystals, Empaths, Christian psychics (claiming to have messages from the Holy Spirit), Energy healing, and Spirit Animals—all these topics seemed like they could easily fall into the category of mystical Christianity, which I thought was okay at the time.  I was such a young Christian, that I didn’t yet have the discernment to see that this was all deception.  Young Christians, especially ones exiting from the occult truly need support groups to help them understand what is safe and what is not.  However, I know now that God allowed this so that I could clearly understand all these pitfalls of the satanic new age system. 

God was about to slowly peel back every layer of the new age to grow my discernment. 

As the weeks crept closer to my date of departure, I noticed that I was starting to have some real doubts about visiting Tommy.  I still felt he was my twin flame, and I still wanted to witness to him and ‘save him’ from the new-age..but the doubts were growing louder and louder in my mind.  This was the Holy Spirit warning me, but I didn’t realize that back then.  Initially, I tried to silence the doubts because I felt horribly responsible for Tommy’s descent into the new age spirituality.  I felt somehow responsible for introducing him to the tarot cards and mystical practices, and so I naively hoped that I could convince him of the dangers and rescue him from the deception.

However, as the time to visit him drew near I noticed I felt an increasing amount of anxiety at the idea of seeing him.  So, for the first time as a new Christian, I surrendered my decision to Jesus and prayed for an answer.  I wanted to know if visiting and/or moving to Hawaii was God’s will.  I hadn’t actually consulted God before booking the flight, and that was something I was starting to realize was very important.  So, I prayed and waited for a confirmation about my trip.  A few days after praying, I began to notice something odd.  I began to notice that a hawk seemed to be camped out near my mom’s house.  While that wasn’t totally unusual for the countryside of Arkansas, it seemed unusual for the hawk to be so close to the house.  The first week, I saw the hawk perching on a street sign near the mailbox in our yard, then a week later the hawk was sitting on the back of the fence in the backyard.  I was surprised at the proximity of the hawk, because generally these birds of prey don’t come that close to humans.  Then, the very next day I noticed the hawk was positioned on the side of the fence near the garage, and I happened to see him when I was taking out the trash.  As if this weren’t startling enough, I finally encountered the hawk one day when it was perched on the hood of my truck—just sitting there.  I gasped with shock, wondering why on earth the hawk was so intent on hanging around the house.  I couldn’t ignore it when it was preventing me from getting into my car and leaving the house.  I ended up shooing it away so I could run an errand, but it made me wonder why the hawk kept showing up near us.

Being such a new Christian emerging from what I now refer to as the new-age meatgrinder, my spiritual eyes were freshly opened.  The scales had been removed, but I was still unsure of how to test the spirits.  I could see God’s truth, but there were certain things I still needed to learn.  This was one of them.   At that time, I just assumed (wrongly so) that the hawk was a sign from God– telling me I should go to Hawaii.  I was still very much into signs at that point in my faith.  I was still confused at the idea of being connected to the natural world, and I was still blurring the line between Christianity and Shamanism.  This confused me greatly at the time.   

I would later learn that the hawk was not a sign from God..but a trick from Satan to get me hooked on the ideas of signs and nature reverence.  I knew not to worship the created above the Creator..but I still hadn’t figured out that the enemy loves to twist things just a tiny bit to get us confused.  While I certainly believe God gifts us with certain talents to work with animals or nature, God doesn’t want us revering animals or trying to interpret the actions of animals as heavenly signs. 

I would also soon learn that God is not the author of confusion, and that when He answers our prayers, it’s in a direct way.  We will know when God speaks to us and tells us what to do.  God’s answers are backed by His word, and will never contradict what is written in the Bible.  We don’t have to wonder about it, decipher the the signs, etc.  Confusion is not from God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14: Tarot Woman Business

Chapter 14:  Tarot Woman Business

“And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”   

                —2 Corinthians 11:14

Arriving back home, I noticed that I didn’t feel embarrassed to stay with my mom this time around.

Instead, I felt a divine sense of purpose after my past-life epiphany.  With newfound wisdom, I set out to secure another nanny job and get my life going again.  The plan was to find a roommate, and move out as soon as possible.  In the meanwhile, I decided to revel in my burgeoning spiritual awakening.  I felt like my same old self, but a new and improved version.  The past life regression had unlocked something inside my mind, and it was as if I was a changed woman.  The dark memories from my childhood and the family chaos didn’t seem to affect me this time around.  I was freed from that burden, or so I thought.  I felt a sense of blissful worldliness, as if I had experienced what few do in this lifetime—an enlightened view of my spiritual self.  Maybe this was what the ‘higher self’ was all about, I thought. 

During this time, I had been talking to Fawn on the phone a lot, and I regarded her as one of the few people who understood the true nature of the universe.  We were on a path together to discover the mystical nature of our reality, and we both felt that were truly ‘awoken’.

It wasn’t long until I was ready to begin reading the tarot cards for actual paying clients.  I had been practicing on my friends and family since arriving back home, and everyone was impressed with the accuracy of my readings.  I felt this new power gave me a sense of confidence I had never experienced before.  Riding this wave, I decided to build my own business website.  I didn’t know anything about that kind of thing, and my wrists couldn’t handle a lot of typing, what with my carpel tunnel, but I felt sure I needed to take this step of faith.  My mom agreed to help me, and with both of us working together the website was successfully built.  It wasn’t anything fancy, but it allowed me to create a Myspace page for my new business.  I linked the website to my Myspace page, and then friended a lot of people and businesses.  I named my business ‘Tarot Woman Intuitive Readings’, and I had found a beautiful logo of a woman in a red toga dress, sitting at the edge of a pond.  The woman was holding a lotus flower, and she seemed so wise.  I wanted to be just like the woman in this image.  I also decided to create my first gmail account, and I realized I needed a name for it too.  I decided to call my email ‘crowfeather’.  I felt this was appropriate because the crows had adopted me as one of their own in Seattle. They were definitely my spirit animal.   I truly was a wise woman now, someone with the wisdom from the ancients.  My ancestors from the past life session wanted to help me find my path in the universe.  The old me was passing away, and making room for the new and improved woman I was becoming.  The past life session had really been a turning point for me.  At the time, I thought this was a good thing.

Also around this time, I had participated in my first ‘Map healing’ session with my friend Fawn.  She had taught me how to open the ‘cone of healing’ and call in ‘the ascended masters of the white brotherhood’.  Fawn said these were great enlightened masters from since before time began, and they would be able to assist me in my life.  The deva of nature spirits was a helpful spirit in charge of the natural world of plants, and Fawn informed me that this spirit would be helpful in healing my body of all ailments.  Fawn also told me that every time she opens the cone of healing she would call in Jesus for protection.  She knew channeling was a dangerous activity, so when she opened the ‘cone’ she would ask Jesus to heal her along with the other spirits.  This made sense to me.  As long as Jesus was involved, I figured it would be safe enough.

I would later learn of course, that there is a false Christ in the new age, a version of Jesus that is a counterfeit to the true Light of the World.  Not all things done unto Jesus’s name are the true Jehovah God.  Different spirits masquerade as Jesus, and even some churches have what’s called the Kundalini Spirit–a false holy spirit that seeks to mimic the actual baptism of the Holy Spirit.  You will feel this sense of ‘bliss’, but it’s not from the Lord.  It’s demonic.  

During the Map healing session, I felt peace flowing through me.  It was similar to the past life regression work I had done before, in that afterwards I felt like I was floating in a blissful state of existence.  Everything felt so good.  I thanked Fawn when the session was over.  She then told me that I could do a healing session on myself any time I wanted, and that all I had to do was say the words inside my mind.  I would need to get to a meditative still place inside, but the concept was the same—open the cone and call in the spirits to heal me.  I began to see that this was not much different from praying.  I was asking the spirits to help me, assist me.  Maybe spells were like prayers too, I thought.  It all made sense.  My words were powerful, and I could create any reality I chose.  I thought this was what prayer truly was, the act of forming my world as a co-creator with God.  I began to think how silly the church was for teaching us to ask for God’s will, when we could be creating and manifesting all that our heart desires.

I didn’t realize I was falling for the age-old lie that Satan told to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden:

For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5

Feeling so inspired by this rush of energy and healing from the deva of nature spirits and the ascended masters, I began to wonder what this was all about.  Was the spiritual realm something that I had simply been taught to fear?  Maybe it was my birthright to be able to manipulate the energy around me.  The other realm began to become my friend, something I could use to enhance my life.  I became fascinated with the idea that people could control the elements and the natural world, and I took this as a sign that someone was spiritually powerful.  I too, wanted this power.  I felt ready to finally stop being a victim and take control over my life.

Then, I suddenly thought of my beloved spirit animal, the crow.  There weren’t as many crows in Oklahoma as there had been in Washington, and I had been missing them terribly.  I felt a strong and powerful urge for them to be near me again, to feel the fellowship of my protectors, my guides.  I missed them, needed them with me.  I felt this pulling feeling, as if my whole being was calling the crows to me.  I had no idea what I was doing, or that this was a form of witchcraft and sorcery.  I just knew I needed the crows there and I had called them to me.

The next morning, I woke up and went to the kitchen to make coffee.  I got my mug, and went to the balcony to enjoy my coffee outside.  Upon opening the sliding door, I caught my breath in amazement. There below me was a large group of crows.  There must have been 50 crows on the street below, squawking and milling around.  I couldn’t believe my own eyes! I just sat there mouth open in shock.  What did this mean? I felt like I was finally becoming a powerful and wise spiritual woman.  That was the day I renamed myself ‘Crowfeather’.  I used this as my spiritual name because the crows had indeed chosen me.  That’s what I thought then.

This is the enchanting deception of the shamanic path.  Nature is used to lure us into a magical union with the natural world, and we believe it’s all God doing this.  We believe we can manipulate nature and bend the universe to our will.  This is just a taste to further lure us into sorcery.

It wasn’t long after this, that I began to book gigs as a psychic reader.  I felt my powers growing, and I was ready to help others.  My first gig was at a local art show in my hometown.  I sat up a booth, and had purchased a little sign with the Tarot Woman logo on it—the beautiful picture of the woman in the red dress with the lotus flower.  I sat down, and waited for my first client.  I had decided to do readings for what was called a ‘love donation’—basically whatever the client felt the reading was worth to them.  This worked well at the art show venue, and I found myself reading for at least ten people that night.  I usually received anywhere from $10 to $20 per reading, so I came away with a little over $100 from a few hours worth of psychic readings.

My second gig was at a psychic fair.  It was an annual event held at a local hotel.  Upon arrival, I scanned the room.  There were tables lined up along the walls so that a person could walk through the room and consult with various psychics and spiritualists.  I found the person in charge, and told them I was booked as a Tarot Reader booth.  Tarot readers needed the tarot cards to do the readings; whereas, psychics did not.  I learned that not all tarot readers are legitimate psychics, but if they were skilled readers of the tarot they could still predict the most probable future outcome, based upon where the person was ‘energetically’ at that time.  I didn’t feel confident enough to call myself a psychic yet, so I simply let my clients know that the tarot cards were something that the client’s subconscious is actually choosing, not the reader.  The reader is merely there to interpret the message of the cards.  I would have the clients shuffle their own cards back then, so they would understand I wasn’t doing anything weird or spooky.  I firmly believed we all had our inner destiny locked away in our subconscious, and the tarot symbolism merely helped our brains access this information.

As I sat down at the booth and put my Tarot Woman sign up, I began to feel a little uneasy.  I couldn’t figure out why, so I chalked it up to nerves.   The psychic fair was set to begin in a few minutes, and I was getting my tarot deck ‘cleared’ and ‘charged’.  Before energy work of any kind, practitioners are taught to clear any ‘negative energy’ from themselves or their deck.  They are also taught to protect their energetic bodies and connect or ground so that they will be safe from any ‘psychic attack’.  I was told that crystals also help protect my energy, and also burning sage to clear my chakras and aura was key to doing energy work.  I had no idea how deceived I was.

As soon as my energy was cleared, clients began filing in the room.  My booth quickly became popular because as a first time reader for the psychic fair, I was obligated to charge only a donation for my readings.  The line for my readings became quite long, and I was beginning to feel nervous.  I quickly opened the cone of healing inside my mind, and called in the white brotherhood of ascended masters to help me.  I needed them to help soothe my nerves if I was going to get through this day.  My first client was an administrator from the psychic fair, and her goal was to test me to see if I was a legitimate reader.  The woman asked me about an upcoming job interview, and if it would be a good fit for her.  Nervous, but feeling more peaceful from the cone of healing, I began my process of reading the cards.  One by one, I flipped the cards over and revealed personal information about this woman’s question.  As I began to talk about this job offer, the woman’s eyes became widened.  The information revealed in the reading seemed very shocking to her, but she also seemed pleased.  Suddenly, she stood up and yelled over to the other tables “This woman’s the real deal right here!”  I immediately felt a sense of pride and confidence.  I enjoyed feeling special, like I had a power that someone else didn’t.  Upon hearing that my psychic abilities were legitimate, the line for a reading with me became even longer.

The next few hours were back to back readings, and I began to feel drained.  I had made a good chunk of cash in tips/donations, but I was ready to call it quits.  The administrators told me I could leave at any time, so I began to gather my things and get ready to head out to my car.  As I began to stand up, I suddenly felt very strange.  My head was spinning for some reason, and I felt like my center of gravity wasn’t quite where it should be. I wondered if I was coming down with something.  Suddenly, I felt like I might faint or fall over.  I had never felt faint before, so I didn’t quite know what to do.  A woman in a nearby booth noticed me struggling, and came to my aid.  “Are you okay honey?” she asked.

“I..uh..I don’t know..” I replied frightened.  “I feel strange, like I can’t walk.”

“Oh I bet I know what it is, she said confidently. You got an overdose of psychic energy from the room I think.”

A couple more ladies began to notice how strangely I was acting, and came over to see if I was okay.

“I think I must just be sensitive to all the energy in the room,” I said, nodding to the lady who had clued me in.

The women standing around me suddenly seemed a bit frightened, and I didn’t know quite why.  They started to exchange sideways glances, and suggested I head home to be safe.  One of them offered to walk me to my car, but by this point I was starting to feel a little better so I declined.

When I left the building, I started to feel a little more like myself, but it took a solid few hours to fully recover from whatever had happened.  That day made an impression on me, and I began to wonder if I wanted to be a psychic reader as a career.  If I was that sensitive to energy, then I would have to rethink this.

Of course, now I know that the energy in the room was demonic.  That combined with other psychics in the room calling upon other entities was most likely an overload of demonic warfare in the room.  Most of the readers thought they were calling on angelic guides and/or goddesses, but we would soon learn that Satan masquerades as an angel of light. 

Chapter One: The False Vision

Introduction:

This is my story.  This is a very personal account of why the new age beliefs appealed to me, how they promised healing and peace, but delivered the opposite.  This is a story of how I desperately searched for love and God in places that led me to spiritual darkness.  It is not my intent to judge those in the new age, but to shed God’s light upon it.  There are many imitations of the True Light of the world:  Jesus Christ. The antithesis to our Heavenly Father is a being called Lucifer, who is the father of lies and the god of this world.  We are all making our way through a fallen state of existence, and this book is about my journey to discover Truth, and how it changed me.  God’s truth revealed the true ME, the woman God truly intended me to be. The identity I had been searching for all my life.  This is the story of how I found true peace for the first time through the love and redemption of Jesus Christ my savior.

To my fellow Christians who don’t know what the new age is, I hope this book will help explain how seductive the teachings are and how someone can easily fall prey to them.  The new age teachings have crept into many churches now, and it is imperative to be informed about them.  Many Christians are reluctant to talk about these things, for fear it will bring on more evil in their life.  However, we must be sober and vigilant, with eyes to see the schemes of the enemy.  This is imperative for all believers, and as uncomfortable as it is to talk about things that aren’t of God, we need to come together and address this.

For those of you wondering what kind of person would willingly enter the dark world of the occult, let me tell you it’s not marketed that way anymore.  We have a cunning enemy, and satan appears as an angel of light in the new age, promising peace, unity, and healing.  The enemy twists things to give the appearance of truth and ancient wisdom, and many are believing these half-truths in their search for God.  The term ‘new-age’ really refers to the ‘old paganism’ of the Bible– all the sins of dabbling in spiritism that are forbidden.  However, nowadays these mystical practices are repackaged as healthy for us and even adopted by many Christians.  The world is blending paganism with Christianity, and this is the issue I’m hoping to address in this book.  The devil’s plan with this is to create a unified religion that appeals to pagans and Christians alike, the end game being to position the antichrist as the head of the church, and recognized as ‘god’ by the many.  This is the great deception.  We are all pawns unless we see behind this veil.

To give you some backstory as to my beliefs: I was raised in a Baptist Church, and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior and the Son of God and when I was 10 or 11.  I remember getting baptized, and I loved the Lord with all my heart.  I prayed each night, and talked to God all the time.  However, around 19 years old some painful events happened in my family that caused me to lose the majority of my faith.  My parents were on their second marriage at that time, and both of them had decided to divorce their spouses again.  The foundation of both my families was crumbling while I was away at college.  My stepfather could no longer pay for my classes, so I had to drop out of school, get a full-time job and apply for food stamps.  He was suddenly gone from my life, and I felt like I lost a father.  I had gone from pampered to poverty in under a month.  It was a shock for my 19 year old self.  That coupled with family secrets, buried memories of childhood abuse, and general dysfunction—it all combined to create a crisis of self and faith.

My faith in God was childlike to begin with, and so I thought maturity meant not expecting God to solve all my problems.  This lie kept me drifting far away from God, and eventually I adopted the new age teachings because they had bits of Christianity mixed in with other mystical teachings.  There was also the issue that many Christians seemed mean and judgmental, and I wanted no part of that.  So, if the church wasn’t the place where God lived, then I had to find the true Jesus elsewhere.  That’s what started my journey to uncover ancient wisdom, and I hoped it would heal all the broken parts inside me.

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Chapter 1:  The False Vision

      When his face appeared, I recognized him immediately.  It was as if I had known him before time existed.  He looked into my eyes, somehow peering deep down into my very soul.  He spoke one word…’Love’.  It was as if I could hear his voice resounding inside my mind.  When he spoke, waves of ‘energy’ appeared and formed four red letters upon his heart.  Like a glowing neon sign, the letters spelled out the word…’Love’.   Suddenly, I felt weightless, like I was in another dimension.  When I opened my eyes, I discovered I was awake, yet still inside the dream.  The glowing letters echoing the word ‘Love.’  

Back in my mid-twenties, I had a vision.  Not knowing what that was, I considered it to be a message from God.  I had no idea that Satan can also send visions.  I just assumed it was from God because it was about ‘Love’.

When I received this vision, I was delighted to behold a man’s face..and not just any face.  He was beautiful.  He had piercing blue eyes with shoulder length, sandy brown hair.  His eyes shone with kindness and intensity, and he had a beard which, to me, gave him the appearance of wisdom and safety.  I had a peaceful feeling when I looked at him, as if we had known each other before.  He uttered one word to me: ‘Love’.  He said the word almost telepathically, and I remember thinking he was speaking to my very soul.

I knew instantly that this man was to be my husband, as if this knowledge was sent from heaven–it wasn’t.  My friends however, were a bit dubious about the vision, and teased me that maybe who I really saw was Jesus instead of some destined ‘true love’.   But, I would not be dissuaded.  I decided that from then on, I would be on the lookout for this man, as I was not going to miss finding my soulmate!

So for the next few months, I had a laser sharp focus for any man with a beard and sandy brown hair.  I mean, I had a hawk eye looking for this future soul-mate.  I was convinced my other half was going to present himself very soon.  The funny thing (and I tried not to focus on it), was that I wasn’t really attracted to men with beards at that time, or at all really, but it mattered little because the idea of a destined love was what I had been preparing for since I was 17 years old.  I had been enamored with the idea of ‘love at first sight’ since high school, so the idea of love at first ‘dream-vision’ wasn’t much of a leap from there.  I decided that if God cared enough to send me my other half, I would not quibble about his appearance.

My fascination with soul-mates continued into my college years, where I learned about the Greek myth of the ‘Androgyne’, a poetic theory teaching that humans are born separated from an integral piece of their identity–the literal other half.  I learned that this ‘other-half’ is the soul’s counterpart, and they were literally created to fulfill us.  I was so taken with this concept, as it seemed similar to the story of Adam and Eve.  God created Eve just for Adam, so that he wouldn’t be alone.  God fashioned Eve out of Adam’s rib, and she was in fact a part of him.  They were ‘one’ together.  I wanted that ‘one-ness’. I wanted my other half.

You see, I had always been a die-hard romantic.  Romeo and Juliet was my favorite story since age 16, and I longed for the kind of connection I saw portrayed.  I was consumed with the idea of a soul bond that transcended the mundane idea of mere compatibility.  I wasn’t looking for a simple boyfriend; I wanted a convergence of time and space–the kind of love that blended two souls into one.  The search for true love gave me a feeling of complete wholeness, without which life would be empty.  Everything I did revolved around making myself good enough to find this destined love someday.  This was my entire purpose of existence.  Yet, through all this I never once stopped to wonder why finding love was so important to me–never questioned my fixation on this or where it came from.

With all my fixation upon finding true love, beholding my soul-mate in a dream was in every way an answer to my prayers.  Around the time I received the vision, I had been through a series of traumatic life events, and because of this, the vision became a veritable life raft for me.  I clung to my vision as proof that my life would get better; It meant I would be somebody.

The seed of deception from Satan had been planted, and little by little my penchant for romance grew into a deep obsession, leading me to search for love no matter the cost to myself or my soul.

But let me go back to how this all began…